I stopped wearing crummy tee shirts and shorts to bed and began to wear attractive nightgowns. It had a wonderful effect.

Stopped thinking that DH was lucky to have me as a partner, and started to think about how lucky I was to have him.

Tried to say 10 positive things to my DH for every negative thing - he reacts well to praise.

Put us on a schedule for sex so it didn’t get postponed because we are tired (we have lots of small kids) - now he knows he is getting laid regularly each week, and I don’t have to be stressed about saying no some nights.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife always wanted to play pitcher, so we bought her a toy so she can pitch from time to time. She gets off...!

I am confused. What did you change about yourself that had a positive impact on your marriage? What does your statement mean?

You took yourself out and replaced yourself with a toy and now your wife gets off? She was not getting off with you?

she is into pegging him - he’s the bottom, she’s the top. Not sure how this is confusing.

Anonymous wrote:I know this will sound terrible but here goes.....from my late dear father I had "inherited" fatty bags under my eyes and a turkey neck and what I saw in the mirror depressed me so I had them taken care of. I felt so much better about myself and that had a positive effect on our marriage. I'm sure my husband would have liked for me to have had a boob job but that wasn't going to happen!

I had something superficial change and it made me so sad. DH didn’t care and still was attracted to me, but I was so sad about it. It took me a while (maybe would have been less if I went to therapy), but I slowly got over it and got my confidence back. No surgery, just an attitude adjustment. Did wonders for our relationship because I was bringing us both down.

Unlike most couples I know, DH has higher standards for parenting and housecleaning than I do. I’m no dud, but he has higher standards. I used to get upset because he would be annoyed about something I didn’t think was important. He would be mad because he felt like he was doing more.

Now, my rule is that if he is working around the house, I need to as well. There is always a load of laundry to do/bills to pay/etc. I still don’t do the things I don’t think aren’t important, but i am also being productive, so he does not complain. And when we both sit, neither of us is resentful.

I bet just having the conversation to say that if I’m not relaxing, you shouldn’t be, would do wonders. I’m not saying that we count who does what all the time and if he or I have had a tough day, the other will pick up the slack while one relaxes. But regularly, it is not that one person has a free evening to themselves while the other is running around cleaning or corralling the kids. Not fair at all, and that is true even if we have different standards.

Practice kindness, politeness and forgiveness. You cannot change someone else. You have to change yourself first. Once you change yourself only then others change around you. This is absolutely true of marriage.