Anonymous wrote:I think what Angry Sexless Dude is missing here is that many cheaters are actually getting regular sex from their partners, but they are turned on by the deception of cheater sex.

This is why I would never date a cheater - they've not only demonstrated a talent for lying and gaslighting, but they are also people whose "kink" is lying. Just as I'd not date someone who can only get off through cuckolding or BDSM, I won't date someone whose kink is being the excitement of the lie.

Angry Sexless Dude seems to ignore the many cases of men who cheat on their PREGNANT wives. I haven’t heard of any immaculate conceptions lately, so ....

^ one more thing: context just means excuses in my mind. This is what led you to go ahead with cheating in the first p lace.

^ well written point. I would still disagree in that cheating meant that the person was able to justify in their minds many times when they crossed boundaries before the actual act of cheating. Therefore, it's not only one act that led to cheating but many prior acts. To me, this means there's something inherent in their character that would allow themselves to justify wrongs so many times.

Anonymous wrote:If dishonesty, deceit and betrayal are qualities you look for in a partner, then sure you can date a cheater.

Their lack of integrity is going to come out in other areas too. Why would you want a partner that isn't an honest or considerate person?

I posted on p1 about the circumstances being important to consider. It is for that very reason that a simple yes or no answer can’t be provided without more context.

I never cheated in school, or a game. I do not lie - I hate lying. I painfully accept my consequences when I make a mistake. But I know a lot of people who did just the opposite growing up, until maturing into adulthood. Some never matured. What about people who do everything perfectly all the time and then slip up one time? Or something you did when you were 22? Cheating poker, spouse,systems all display the same lack of integrity, yes. But context matters to come to a full conclusion on whether it is concerning enough to exclude the person from your life.

Nope.

My partner cheated in the past but has learnt from it and been in therapy.
He is the best partner I could ask for now. People can change. We are very happy together.

Anonymous wrote:I must correct a major flaw in this entire thread. Most so-called “cheating men” do so because they are in a sexless marriage with an uninterested wife. In which case, it is totally expected and normal and healthy that he is going elsewhere for sex. THAT is not a red flag for future relationships at all. Quite the opposite. If he’s NOT having sex elsewhere, THAT is a major red flag that he is an abnormal low libido male whom you definitely never date.

I wouldn't want you because you're damaged goods. So, nope.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Angry sexless man, please as a Christmas gift to all of us, just stop. You keep making ridiculous unsupported statements that the rest of DCUM is rejecting. You continuing to yell at us over the internet isn't going to change our minds. I'm sure we all agree that there are men that cheat because they are not getting it at home. Lots of us have views on why they might not be getting it at home. Lots of us also believe that you saying that is why "most" or the "vast majority" cheat is just wrong (and I think the fact that you keep saying that despite any research that supports that says something about your own inteligence). We have asked you to support that with evidence. You don't have any. Please just stop.[/quote]

I already provided citations showing (about) 20% of men cheat, and 20% of marriages are sexless. I contend these are, predominantly, the same group of men. These men have unmet sexual needs, are highly motivated to seek a interested partner, and have nothing to lose (just a sexless wife).

You on the other hand have given zero citations to support your wild theory. What exactly do you think that 20% sexless men are doing with their healthy normal sex drive? And that “other” 20% cheaters (who are supposedly satisfied at home) what motivates these men (and how do the find the time or sexual energy) to seek outside partners?

Sorry but your theory makes no sense, badly fails Occam's razor.[/quote]

Seriously. Seek help. You are so wound up it's starting to really freak me out.
Invoke Occam's razor all you want, you still need proof for your assumption BTW

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a cheater always a cheater. No matter what the "reason".

I mean, that’s simply not true. I say this as a woman who was cheated on. I may dislike my ex and what he did but there are a lot of people, men and women alike, who cheated before and went on to never do it again.

It’s just not a life circumstance that is that black and white.

PP could it be that not enough time has elapsed for him to be tested or that could it be that you just don’t know if he’s cheated?

Even assuming your ex hasn’t cheated, studies indicated that people who cheat once are more likely to cheat again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Angry sexless man, please as a Christmas gift to all of us, just stop. You keep making ridiculous unsupported statements that the rest of DCUM is rejecting. You continuing to yell at us over the internet isn't going to change our minds. I'm sure we all agree that there are men that cheat because they are not getting it at home. Lots of us have views on why they might not be getting it at home. Lots of us also believe that you saying that is why "most" or the "vast majority" cheat is just wrong (and I think the fact that you keep saying that despite any research that supports that says something about your own inteligence). We have asked you to support that with evidence. You don't have any. Please just stop.

I already provided citations showing (about) 20% of men cheat, and 20% of marriages are sexless. I contend these are, predominantly, the same group of men. These men have unmet sexual needs, are highly motivated to seek a interested partner, and have nothing to lose (just a sexless wife).

You on the other hand have given zero citations to support your wild theory. What exactly do you think that 20% sexless men are doing with their healthy normal sex drive? And that “other” 20% cheaters (who are supposedly satisfied at home) what motivates these men (and how do the find the time or sexual energy) to seek outside partners?

Sorry but your theory makes no sense, badly fails Occam's razor.

The same things - desire for variety, need for thrill and excitement, boredom..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. Would you consider dating a person (woman or man) who cheated on their spouse, and then subsequently left the spouse and their children (moving to a physically distant state) to pursue a possible new life with the affair party. Their relationship with the affair partner did not work out, and this person is currently dating a friend. What advice would you give a friend in this type of relationship situation?

No way. I would tell my friend to take the blinders off and get out of that relationship.

Any person, man or woman, who would leave their spouse, and especially their children behind and move far away to be with an affair partner is morally flawed and psychogically damaged. No rationale they offer up (not enough intimacy, support, or emotional connection) justifies abandoning their children, and leaving their spouse to raise them alone.

+10000

I harshly judge ANY man who leaves his wife and kids unless there is infidelity or physical abuse by the wife.

Anonymous wrote:Angry sexless man, please as a Christmas gift to all of us, just stop. You keep making ridiculous unsupported statements that the rest of DCUM is rejecting. You continuing to yell at us over the internet isn't going to change our minds. I'm sure we all agree that there are men that cheat because they are not getting it at home. Lots of us have views on why they might not be getting it at home. Lots of us also believe that you saying that is why "most" or the "vast majority" cheat is just wrong (and I think the fact that you keep saying that despite any research that supports that says something about your own inteligence). We have asked you to support that with evidence. You don't have any. Please just stop.

I already provided citations showing (about) 20% of men cheat, and 20% of marriages are sexless. I contend these are, predominantly, the same group of men. These men have unmet sexual needs, are highly motivated to seek a interested partner, and have nothing to lose (just a sexless wife).

You on the other hand have given zero citations to support your wild theory. What exactly do you think that 20% sexless men are doing with their healthy normal sex drive? And that “other” 20% cheaters (who are supposedly satisfied at home) what motivates these men (and how do the find the time or sexual energy) to seek outside partners?

Sorry but your theory makes no sense, badly fails Occam's razor.

Anonymous wrote:Once a cheater always a cheater. No matter what the "reason".

I mean, that’s simply not true. I say this as a woman who was cheated on. I may dislike my ex and what he did but there are a lot of people, men and women alike, who cheated before and went on to never do it again.

It’s just not a life circumstance that is that black and white.

Once a cheater always a cheater. No matter what the "reason".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must correct a major flaw in this entire thread. Most so-called “cheating men” do so because they are in a sexless marriage with an uninterested wife. In which case, it is totally expected and normal and healthy that he is going elsewhere for sex. THAT is not a red flag for future relationships at all. Quite the opposite. If he’s NOT having sex elsewhere, THAT is a major red flag that he is an abnormal low libido male whom you definitely never date.

Hate to tell you but my X is a sex addict but sex with me (I offered it often) was not what he needed to fulfill his addiction, so it’s NOT always bc of a sexless marriage that men cheat.

I never said ALWAYS. I said MOST. For every true cheating situation like yours, there are 10 uninterested wives who are “shocked” to learn that men need more than a monthly starfish performance.

That's your guess, and I might as well say that for every uninterested wife there are ten more who are interested but no longer considered f%^&able by their husbands.