Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the examples posted by the OP were all that bad...I try to give my kids leeway to be kids, in line with the handsoff way I was raised in the 80s, as much as possible as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others, or messing things up or interrupting. When they start doing one of those things, I am extremely firm and shut it down.

I’m seeing complaints that “kids are wild and no one is paying attention” vs “kids these days are too helicoptered and they can’t function without their parents holding their hand.”

I’m trying to avoid the latter more than the former.

You don’t think it’s an issue for a child to hit adults with a shoe. Then dad laughs instead of managing the behavior?

It depends on the context. If you’re talking about an event with lots of families, a little kid bopping people with a shoe won’t get much response. The other parents are used to it and just don’t care. If it’s like a retirement party or a fancier affair, then yeah, not appropriate.

Not any family event I’ve ever been to! What are you talking about.

Wtf? What does this even mean, a kid hitting adults with a shoe? All I can imagine is a kid picks up a shoe and is wandering around tapping someone on the leg with it. I don’t even get it.

If you haven’t been to a family party where kids are acting like weirdos and the grown ups just roll with it, I’m sorry to hear that.

The bottoms of shoes are disgusting. There is a reason people don’t wear them in the house. You think it’s fine for a kid to pick one up and touch other people with it!!!? I’d grab that shoe so fast from your kid, out it up out of reach. At least then one of us would be parenting your kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the examples posted by the OP were all that bad...I try to give my kids leeway to be kids, in line with the handsoff way I was raised in the 80s, as much as possible as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others, or messing things up or interrupting. When they start doing one of those things, I am extremely firm and shut it down.

I’m seeing complaints that “kids are wild and no one is paying attention” vs “kids these days are too helicoptered and they can’t function without their parents holding their hand.”

I’m trying to avoid the latter more than the former.

You don’t think it’s an issue for a child to hit adults with a shoe. Then dad laughs instead of managing the behavior?

It depends on the context. If you’re talking about an event with lots of families, a little kid bopping people with a shoe won’t get much response. The other parents are used to it and just don’t care. If it’s like a retirement party or a fancier affair, then yeah, not appropriate.

Are you kidding?! No, hitting is not acceptable. Hitting with an object is less acceptable. Laughing at your kid instead of ending assault is a quick way to get yourself uninvited. And I would go a step further, making sure I don’t attend a party with that child again.

A toddler/preschooler hitting may be “cute” now, just like a puppy’s misbehavior may be “cute.” But kids and puppies grow up enough to be able to do much more damage, and it isn’t cute at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the examples posted by the OP were all that bad...I try to give my kids leeway to be kids, in line with the handsoff way I was raised in the 80s, as much as possible as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others, or messing things up or interrupting. When they start doing one of those things, I am extremely firm and shut it down.

I’m seeing complaints that “kids are wild and no one is paying attention” vs “kids these days are too helicoptered and they can’t function without their parents holding their hand.”

I’m trying to avoid the latter more than the former.

You don’t think it’s an issue for a child to hit adults with a shoe. Then dad laughs instead of managing the behavior?

It depends on the context. If you’re talking about an event with lots of families, a little kid bopping people with a shoe won’t get much response. The other parents are used to it and just don’t care. If it’s like a retirement party or a fancier affair, then yeah, not appropriate.

Not any family event I’ve ever been to! What are you talking about.

Wtf? What does this even mean, a kid hitting adults with a shoe? All I can imagine is a kid picks up a shoe and is wandering around tapping someone on the leg with it. I don’t even get it.

If you haven’t been to a family party where kids are acting like weirdos and the grown ups just roll with it, I’m sorry to hear that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the examples posted by the OP were all that bad...I try to give my kids leeway to be kids, in line with the handsoff way I was raised in the 80s, as much as possible as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others, or messing things up or interrupting. When they start doing one of those things, I am extremely firm and shut it down.

I’m seeing complaints that “kids are wild and no one is paying attention” vs “kids these days are too helicoptered and they can’t function without their parents holding their hand.”

I’m trying to avoid the latter more than the former.

You don’t think it’s an issue for a child to hit adults with a shoe. Then dad laughs instead of managing the behavior?

It depends on the context. If you’re talking about an event with lots of families, a little kid bopping people with a shoe won’t get much response. The other parents are used to it and just don’t care. If it’s like a retirement party or a fancier affair, then yeah, not appropriate.

Not any family event I’ve ever been to! What are you talking about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the examples posted by the OP were all that bad...I try to give my kids leeway to be kids, in line with the handsoff way I was raised in the 80s, as much as possible as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others, or messing things up or interrupting. When they start doing one of those things, I am extremely firm and shut it down.

I’m seeing complaints that “kids are wild and no one is paying attention” vs “kids these days are too helicoptered and they can’t function without their parents holding their hand.”

I’m trying to avoid the latter more than the former.

You don’t think it’s an issue for a child to hit adults with a shoe. Then dad laughs instead of managing the behavior?

It depends on the context. If you’re talking about an event with lots of families, a little kid bopping people with a shoe won’t get much response. The other parents are used to it and just don’t care. If it’s like a retirement party or a fancier affair, then yeah, not appropriate.

Anonymous wrote:Apparently little boys who issue threats to their moms are just “spicy”.

As are little girls, sexist.

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for the kids. On some level the kids feel the disapproval of other adults and strangers and that’s not their fault - it’s the parents fault.

And description like “active” or “spirited” are simply used as the excuse - as if those of us who have well-behaved, polite kids have dull slugs for kids.

This. My friend’s two boys behave like insane monsters. Everyone hates having them around & excludes them whenever possible. The mom’s unwillingness to discipline is actually really cruel to her kids.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the examples posted by the OP were all that bad...I try to give my kids leeway to be kids, in line with the handsoff way I was raised in the 80s, as much as possible as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others, or messing things up or interrupting. When they start doing one of those things, I am extremely firm and shut it down.

I’m seeing complaints that “kids are wild and no one is paying attention” vs “kids these days are too helicoptered and they can’t function without their parents holding their hand.”

I’m trying to avoid the latter more than the former.

You don’t think it’s an issue for a child to hit adults with a shoe. Then dad laughs instead of managing the behavior?

I don’t think the examples posted by the OP were all that bad...I try to give my kids leeway to be kids, in line with the handsoff way I was raised in the 80s, as much as possible as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others, or messing things up or interrupting. When they start doing one of those things, I am extremely firm and shut it down.

I’m seeing complaints that “kids are wild and no one is paying attention” vs “kids these days are too helicoptered and they can’t function without their parents holding their hand.”

I’m trying to avoid the latter more than the former.

The teacher posting the “snow plow” parenting approach is in line with what I have observed. It seems there is a segment of parents who do not want their children to experience any disappointment. So they “snow plow” obstacles. This includes seeing their children’s behaviors as “doing no wrong”—it is always someone else’s fault, socially engineering friendships, and giving constant praise where it is not necessary (giving the child a false sense of ability - i.e. the American Idol audition effect).

This is an easy trap to fall into—we all want our children to be happy. But plowing away difficulties doesn’t teach resilience and independence. Thanks for the reminder, teacher PP.

This is so different from my social circle, where everyone watches their kids like a hawk and bites any rambunctious behavior in the bud. I have to tell people who come over (especially moms of boys) that it’s okay to get a little rough with the toys, we don’t mind, and it’s good for my delicate DD to horseplay.

I do agree with the screens though. I’ve noticed a lot of parents on their phones instead of actively engaging with their kids. Not so much in my social circle, at least not at parties, though the kids in my circle do get a bit more screen time themselves than what I would be comfortable with. Not being judgy, as I am sure their parenting exceeds mine in other respects. We are Asian-American, but AFAIK no one uses corporal punishment.

Apparently little boys who issue threats to their moms are just “spicy”.

Parents are too busy staring at their phones. Social media is more important than kids.
At dinner, I saw both parents on phones the entire time, not even looking up for their food. 5 y.o sat there with his mac n cheese. Mother was playing a game.
I see parents driving through intersections while reading their phones, kids buckled in back.
Parents on phones walking through intersections, kids trailing behind.
Parents at grocery stores, gym, tennis club....all on phones with kids off doing whatever who cares.
Don't worry, once those kids get their own phones, then their parents can start communicating with them and provide some boundaries and guidance.

I have been a teacher for over 20 years and am raising a family of my own. I have noticed a shift. Some good, some great, mostly bad. Parents have outsourced so much of their parenting. So many children are being raised by nannies, aftercare, 10 hours of daycare from birth and it's just not the same as a consistent, loving family member invested in their future. The parents hang on every moment at soccer or gymnastics (the activities have never been better). This time should be used as productive time for the parents instead. That way, when the child is through, the distraction is over and the family can spend time. But, no, the parents micromanage the unimportant things. Then feel guilty ignoring them to do what could have been done while the kids were occupied.

Parents are terrified of tantrums and let the child be in charge. Children need boundaries and overindulgence is the worst thing for kids. I get so many calls from parents trying to plow a way for their kids that have nothing to do with what the kid wants or needs. (I think they should play varsity, no they have never played soccer before,). On the other hand, kids now have no concept of the biases of previous generations. So, as long as these kids as young adult can get out of their safe spaces, function without their parents, and leave the emotional support llama at home...society will be ok.

Maybe five-year-old are brattier, I don't know. I am not around enough kids that age to know. But I am around teens and tweens a lot, and I think they are markedly kinder and nicer than previous generations. I wonder if people like OP are more likely to raise the mean kids, because they learn judgmental behavior from the cradle.

I don't know, but what I see are kids who are in general noticeably kinder than previous generations -- and than their parents. Something has changed for the better.