OP you are a huge jerk!

I totally understand and am there too, OP. Hugs to you.

I don't think there's anything wrong with crying out in grief that sometimes what you read makes you feel awful. That's normal, and it's about you.

I think there is something to criticize about turning that around and telling other people they should have different feelings, or about publicly consoling yourself and others that these people will get their comeuppance, eventually. That's kind of gross.

The thing is, you probably didn't complain about small things when your parents were alive, did you, OP? You weren't writing these types of posts you are now criticizing others for? That's probably because you had a different relationship. You can't predict how others will feel, given such a different context.

The thing is, people will talk about little things -- the straw that broke the camel's back, even if they won't (or aren't going at this moment) to talk about the big things. If people had a great relationships, the little things wouldn't matter, just like they didn't matter for you back then.

So grieve, absolutely. Talk about the memories and feeling brought up, absolutely. Have some tact and discretion about telling other people what to do, as well, or about taking satisfaction that you think they will eventually be even more unhappy..

I’m sorry OP. My mom died this year so I know how you feel.

Op, my mom died the most painful terrible death I’ve ever seen, and I’m an ICU nurse. Just because my mom is dead doesn’t mean my mother in law sucks any less. In fact, it’s worse because I compare her crazy to how awesome my mom would have been and it devastates me. You can have a dead parent and still have other sucky relatives and it’s ok to vent about that. Project your grief somewhere else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am so with you. Lost the grandparents in a short & unexpected time span. The youngest grand kids never got to meet them. They were truly the most amazing grandparents and parents. I hate to be envious or compare, but the holidays are tough. There was a post the other day with someone whining about their in-laws attending every school thing. I saw that the same day my oldest was in tears bc he wanted a grandparent at a grandparent school event. I wish these posters would step back & appreciate what they have.

I am with you, as well. "Grandparent's Day" is the worst. I can deal with my own sadness, but it's just crushing for my kid (and by extension, me). FWIW, I've often thought about complaining to the school about it, but I realize that the vast majority of kids love it, so I say nothing.

And for those who are claiming that OP is criticizing people for not appreciating their truly toxic and abusive parents, that's not what OP said. At all.

I totally get that OP didn’t say that about thinking abusive parents should be appreciated. I’m one of the posters with an abusive parent. I was just saying, anecdotally, that that’s a take-away when children of abusive read posts like this. Abuse becomes so normalized it’s often hard to actually tell the difference or severity, so you question yourself and your interpretation of those events. OP is certainly entitled to her feelings. I’m happy he or she had such wonderful parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm with you. I have total sympathy for people who have really awful families and I don't mind any of the posts here. But I've lost both my parents, my siblings prefer not to spend holidays together, and things like holidays or school events that have tons of grandparents just break my heart a little bit. I think that people who have active, healthy, involved & loving grandparents in their kids' lives are just so incredibly lucky and I hope they appreciate that.

Again, abusive Dad poster. Totally agree with the above also. I think sometimes people that have seriously abusive parents are constantly mourning the loss of what could have been. The fact those abusive parents are alive and will die is a special kind of mental anguish and torment. Both situations are very difficult. My condolences to you.

My abusive parent has been gone for several years now. The grieving process was scary, confusing, and so painful. Realizing once I became a mother myself what I could / should have had was crushing. I’m jealous of people who have good memories of their deceased parents that they can bring to mind. I imagine it must be such a comfort.

Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.

I could have right this as I feel the same so often. My DH parents are dead, and mine are living overseas, almost 24 hours travel time, and they are not in a good health. The only thing that I am jealous for is a family around.

Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.

I agree with you,!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of the thread about my in-laws visiting too much. I'm very sorry for your loss, but that does NOT give you the right to attack other people.

Uh, no one's attacking you. OP said:


Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

Which is all complete BS. Anyone could die at any time. It is not human nature to cherish every single moment in life and never have any negative feelings about anyone. I'm not putting up with crap for 20 years just because my parents could die. I could die in a month. I'm not spending that month with in-laws up my a$$. Think about it from that angle.

Anonymous wrote:OP I am so with you. Lost the grandparents in a short & unexpected time span. The youngest grand kids never got to meet them. They were truly the most amazing grandparents and parents. I hate to be envious or compare, but the holidays are tough. There was a post the other day with someone whining about their in-laws attending every school thing. I saw that the same day my oldest was in tears bc he wanted a grandparent at a grandparent school event. I wish these posters would step back & appreciate what they have.

I am with you, as well. "Grandparent's Day" is the worst. I can deal with my own sadness, but it's just crushing for my kid (and by extension, me). FWIW, I've often thought about complaining to the school about it, but I realize that the vast majority of kids love it, so I say nothing.

And for those who are claiming that OP is criticizing people for not appreciating their truly toxic and abusive parents, that's not what OP said. At all.