Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like the type who wants an elective Cesarean too.

You sound like the type who hates her life and has to put others down to feel good about herself.

With some of the friendly, informed, helpful breastfeeding supporters on this thread, why wouldn’t you want to breastfeed?! I mean imagine if they were in your nursing support group, how helpful their advice would be!

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Anonymous wrote:Breast may be best, but only if all other factors are equal. If, however, nursing causes the mom a ton of heightened anxiety and pain, then breast is not best.

If OP avoids all aspects of motherhood that cause anxiety and pain, she may as well just give up now. She hasn't even had the kid yet and is already looking for shortcuts without even trying it out first.

So PP, what's it like being a martyr? You sound miserable.

Not miserable at all. I love motherhood. But have my doubts about OP - she doesn't seem to understand the extent to which her life is about to change.

None of us understands the extent to which life will change when we have kids. (You're going to say you did, but you'll be lying about that.) That is not a reason to have "doubts about" any of us.

I most definitely did NOT know the extent to which my life would change. But I have witnessed enough to see that those who enter parenting with a selfish and rigid view of how they will/will not parent usually end up unhappy. OP would be better served to keep an open mind in general. She also needs to let go of the notion that her DH has no say in how his child is parented.

NP here.

The OP has a medical problem for which breastfeeding is going to cause excruciating pain. She already has a high level of pain in her pre-baby DAY TO DAY LIFE. Do you know what that feels like? Do you??

I thought not.

But please, by all means, continue to insist that everyone suffer endlessly for their babies, like a good mommy martyr.

You are repulsive and pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:OP, spend some time on this website :

https://www.skepticalob.com/

Do whatever works for you. It’s too bad that you haven’t even given birth yet and you’re already battling the Breastfeeding Police (and I breastfed).

The author of that site has a medical degree from 1984 and by her own admission left medicine 25 years ago to raise her kids. So her experience is hardly current.

OP sounds like the type who wants an elective Cesarean too.

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Anonymous wrote:Breast may be best, but only if all other factors are equal. If, however, nursing causes the mom a ton of heightened anxiety and pain, then breast is not best.

If OP avoids all aspects of motherhood that cause anxiety and pain, she may as well just give up now. She hasn't even had the kid yet and is already looking for shortcuts without even trying it out first.

So PP, what's it like being a martyr? You sound miserable.

Not miserable at all. I love motherhood. But have my doubts about OP - she doesn't seem to understand the extent to which her life is about to change.

None of us understands the extent to which life will change when we have kids. (You're going to say you did, but you'll be lying about that.) That is not a reason to have "doubts about" any of us.

I most definitely did NOT know the extent to which my life would change. But I have witnessed enough to see that those who enter parenting with a selfish and rigid view of how they will/will not parent usually end up unhappy. OP would be better served to keep an open mind in general. She also needs to let go of the notion that her DH has no say in how his child is parented.

Holy moly. First of all, this is not about "how his child is parented." This is about OP's body. If her DH wants to parent by breastfeeding, he can go ahead and do that! Oh, wait ... Second of all, OP is not being selfish and rigid. It's the reverse - she has an infant feeding plan that will keep her baby fed, and keep her healthy/sane/reduce pain.

You can double down and keep pushing back. Or, option 2, little white lie - exaggerate your medical condition and tell them it is not recommended for your condition. Option 3, pretend like you are going to be doing it their way, return all the supplies in silence and do what you want anyway. It is ok to be private about parenting decisions.

It will be ok. Its a sensitive time. I have big kids and I will tell you that all the things I worried about with babies turned out to be much ado about nothing.

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Anonymous wrote:Breast may be best, but only if all other factors are equal. If, however, nursing causes the mom a ton of heightened anxiety and pain, then breast is not best.

If OP avoids all aspects of motherhood that cause anxiety and pain, she may as well just give up now. She hasn't even had the kid yet and is already looking for shortcuts without even trying it out first.

So PP, what's it like being a martyr? You sound miserable.

Not miserable at all. I love motherhood. But have my doubts about OP - she doesn't seem to understand the extent to which her life is about to change.

None of us understands the extent to which life will change when we have kids. (You're going to say you did, but you'll be lying about that.) That is not a reason to have "doubts about" any of us.

I most definitely did NOT know the extent to which my life would change. But I have witnessed enough to see that those who enter parenting with a selfish and rigid view of how they will/will not parent usually end up unhappy. OP would be better served to keep an open mind in general. She also needs to let go of the notion that her DH has no say in how his child is parented.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Breast may be best, but only if all other factors are equal. If, however, nursing causes the mom a ton of heightened anxiety and pain, then breast is not best.

If OP avoids all aspects of motherhood that cause anxiety and pain, she may as well just give up now. She hasn't even had the kid yet and is already looking for shortcuts without even trying it out first.

So PP, what's it like being a martyr? You sound miserable.

Not miserable at all. I love motherhood. But have my doubts about OP - she doesn't seem to understand the extent to which her life is about to change.

None of us understands the extent to which life will change when we have kids. (You're going to say you did, but you'll be lying about that.) That is not a reason to have "doubts about" any of us.

OP don't do it if you don't like it. You don't even have to try to appease anyone.

(1) Serious talk with husband about not supporting you and telling outsiders your private business
(2) Sign up for formula samples. You'll be inundated and can try different brands to see how they work without spending a ton. Unless your baby has a sensitive stomach (which you won't know until after some trial and error), the baby will be fine switching brands so don't worry too much about what the daycare stocks.
(3) You can request donor milk at the hospital if you don't feel comfortable with formula right away.
(4) If after you give birth you want to try latching the baby, sure do it, but do not let anyone harass you about this. You can still have amazing cuddles and bonding without breastfeeding.
(5) Plus 1,000 on growing a thick skin now. You will be judged for EVERY SINGLE DECISION you make as a parent and this is not the only time you and your husband will disagree about some aspect of child care.

Anonymous wrote:From evolutionary perspective one should not have kids if they are not equipped to feed them. I guess we have evolved far enough that it is actually possible for mammals to raise kids without actual mammaries, but I would still give it try before firmly deciding against it.

Gosh, I guess no one should ever adopt a kid. Or have a child after you've had a double mastectomy. PP, you're an idiot.

OP, ignore people like this. Do what is best for you and your family.

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Anonymous wrote:I agree that breastfeeding is best. It also sounds like you have a medical reason for not nursing.

Firstly, STOP telling people what your plan is.
Secondly, tell your husband if he wants to nurse, he can go ahead and do it. The key to breastfeeding is that it works for BOTH PARTIES involved (mother and baby). If one party doesn't want to, it needs to stop (or not happen).
Thirdly, what about offering a compromise of registering with a milk bank and seeing if you could get milk that way?
Fourthly, if I were you, I would try for colostrum - it stimulates pain relief naturely and gives newborns a boost of immunity.

All of this plus 5) Talk to your doctor about the health issues. You can legitimately shut everyone up by saying that 'this is what my doctor recommends'

Agreed. STOP telling people your plans, it just opens up room for judgment. There's going to be LOTS of it once your baby is born, and breast vs bottle is just the start. Just look at the parenting boards here on DCUM - people battling it out regarding everything, starting with SAHM/nanny/daycare, screen time, diet (BLW or purees), sleep training... Learn to smile when asked and say "we are doing what works for us".

OP, spend some time on this website :

https://www.skepticalob.com/

Do whatever works for you. It’s too bad that you haven’t even given birth yet and you’re already battling the Breastfeeding Police (and I breastfed).

Hi OP- I hope you are still around and not chased off by all these lunatics who are trotting out platitudes about how breast feeding is miles better than formula and you should just TRY it. I breastfed three children past a year so am certainly not biased in favor of formula but you need to do what is best for you and your family. If you don't want to breastfeed, then don't! Formula is a great way to feed your baby. Also, breastfeeding can be really hard, particularly at the beginning, so will be even harder if you don't want to do it and could lead to you being resentful of your baby and husband which is a poor way to start out your child's life.

I think you do need to make sure that your husband is on board here and remain firm with anyone who asks. What you feed your baby is not anyone's concern so I would avoid making a big deal about it. If they comment or ask just be super neutral and say that you are doing what is best for your family. Then change the subject. If people try to pressure you to breastfeed then ask them to leave. It is not OK to for someone to pressure you to do something with your body that you don't want to do, please remember that and take time for some self care.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that breastfeeding is best. It also sounds like you have a medical reason for not nursing.

Firstly, STOP telling people what your plan is.
Secondly, tell your husband if he wants to nurse, he can go ahead and do it. The key to breastfeeding is that it works for BOTH PARTIES involved (mother and baby). If one party doesn't want to, it needs to stop (or not happen).
Thirdly, what about offering a compromise of registering with a milk bank and seeing if you could get milk that way?
Fourthly, if I were you, I would try for colostrum - it stimulates pain relief naturely and gives newborns a boost of immunity.

All of this plus 5) Talk to your doctor about the health issues. You can legitimately shut everyone up by saying that 'this is what my doctor recommends'