^^kids would be welcome, but SIL would no longer be family. I mean, I’d invite her still and my brother and his girlfriend. If the exW was going to act unstable in front of the kids, I’d suggest she not attend. My loyalty is always with my family and close friends.

Anonymous wrote:^^You are all very wrong. Brother made a choice, support him. Relationships fail. People make (big) mistakes. Family supports family. Sounds like OP and her parents are mad because brother made a choice that they don’t agree with. Not sure how showing unconditional love to one’s family is wrong.

“Where they do dat at?” (As the kids say), or “Hi Brother” (quoting DCUM). Since when does unconditional love=supporting all choices family members make? Brother can still be loved by his family without them accepting his cheating a$$ and meeting his side piece. What about the family he cheated on? Do they just drop them and start inviting AP to Christmas dinner in order to follow family supports family rule? Aren’t they family too? What if brother starts choosing to completely ignore old family for AP kids/family? Should they support that too? Some tough love is what brother needs.

Anonymous wrote:^^You are all very wrong. Brother made a choice, support him. Relationships fail. People make (big) mistakes. Family supports family. Sounds like OP and her parents are mad because brother made a choice that they don’t agree with. Not sure how showing unconditional love to one’s family is wrong.

So what could the brother do that would warrants a rebuke? Murder? Raping someone? Or would you say "everyone makes mistakes" And nobody is perfect?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many judgey posters. If my siblings choose to cheat, choose to divorce, it’s their right. It’s not my job to pass judgement. I know nothing of anyone’s marriage but my own. I’d be pretty livid if my family treated me with such disdain because of a choice I made. Thankfully my family is a blood comes first kind of family.

Op, you really have no idea why your brother has chosen to leave his wife. You really don’t.

Meeting the woman in his life currently won’t hurt you. As for his kids being hurt, your SIL response to her new reality dictates this.

Dp I couldn't disagree with you more. Op is under no obligation to meet the other woman. I think if he is divorced, fine but, why should op pretend everything is ok just because brother wants it to be? I don't care why he divorced but, if he is still legally married to the first wife I wouldn't want to meet her. Op could offer to meet her brother another time. Who knows how long this woman will last?

Perfectionism is toxic. Try letting go of some control and try to be empathetic.

Nothing to do with perfection. Brother can wait until divorce is final. He can go to Thanksgiving. They aren't banishing him. Family members should not be forced to meet someone just for sake of "supporting"the bro.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many judgey posters. If my siblings choose to cheat, choose to divorce, it’s their right. It’s not my job to pass judgement. I know nothing of anyone’s marriage but my own. I’d be pretty livid if my family treated me with such disdain because of a choice I made. Thankfully my family is a blood comes first kind of family.

Op, you really have no idea why your brother has chosen to leave his wife. You really don’t.

Meeting the woman in his life currently won’t hurt you. As for his kids being hurt, your SIL response to her new reality dictates this.

Wait, you’d pretty livid if your family treated you with disdain when you cheated on your spouse and now parading the AP around before the the divorce is final? You don’t think that behavior is worthy of disdain? No matter why sibling left wife, he cheated while they were still married. That is morally wrong. That should not be supported and now dude is having a tantrum because no one wants to meet AP? GTFOH. If sibling cared so much about family, he would have waited until he was divorced. TEAM PARENTS

Very well said, PP. The brother and the OW are the ones in the wrong here. No way would I support that. We would be completely behind the SIL and the kids who are being so horribly treated by their father. Brother or not, we would not tolerate that type of horrible behavior in our household.

^^You are all very wrong. Brother made a choice, support him. Relationships fail. People make (big) mistakes. Family supports family. Sounds like OP and her parents are mad because brother made a choice that they don’t agree with. Not sure how showing unconditional love to one’s family is wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many judgey posters. If my siblings choose to cheat, choose to divorce, it’s their right. It’s not my job to pass judgement. I know nothing of anyone’s marriage but my own. I’d be pretty livid if my family treated me with such disdain because of a choice I made. Thankfully my family is a blood comes first kind of family.

Op, you really have no idea why your brother has chosen to leave his wife. You really don’t.

Meeting the woman in his life currently won’t hurt you. As for his kids being hurt, your SIL response to her new reality dictates this.

Dp I couldn't disagree with you more. Op is under no obligation to meet the other woman. I think if he is divorced, fine but, why should op pretend everything is ok just because brother wants it to be? I don't care why he divorced but, if he is still legally married to the first wife I wouldn't want to meet her. Op could offer to meet her brother another time. Who knows how long this woman will last?

Perfectionism is toxic. Try letting go of some control and try to be empathetic.

So now it’s perfectionism to wait until after the divorce to bring your girlfriend around? Now I’ve heard it all!

Nobody is sayyshun him forever- or at all! We’re just saying get a divorce before you bring your girlfriend around. That’s pretty far from perfection and the bare minimum for basic decency. It sounds like the brother is welcome to come alone which is the right thing to do. He doesn’t get to drag his whole family in the gutter with him.

Anonymous wrote:So many judgey posters. If my siblings choose to cheat, choose to divorce, it’s their right. It’s not my job to pass judgement. I know nothing of anyone’s marriage but my own. I’d be pretty livid if my family treated me with such disdain because of a choice I made. Thankfully my family is a blood comes first kind of family.

Op, you really have no idea why your brother has chosen to leave his wife. You really don’t.

Meeting the woman in his life currently won’t hurt you. As for his kids being hurt, your SIL response to her new reality dictates this.

You sound spoiled AF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many judgey posters. If my siblings choose to cheat, choose to divorce, it’s their right. It’s not my job to pass judgement. I know nothing of anyone’s marriage but my own. I’d be pretty livid if my family treated me with such disdain because of a choice I made. Thankfully my family is a blood comes first kind of family.

Op, you really have no idea why your brother has chosen to leave his wife. You really don’t.

Meeting the woman in his life currently won’t hurt you. As for his kids being hurt, your SIL response to her new reality dictates this.

Dp I couldn't disagree with you more. Op is under no obligation to meet the other woman. I think if he is divorced, fine but, why should op pretend everything is ok just because brother wants it to be? I don't care why he divorced but, if he is still legally married to the first wife I wouldn't want to meet her. Op could offer to meet her brother another time. Who knows how long this woman will last?

Perfectionism is toxic. Try letting go of some control and try to be empathetic.

It sounds like the brother is trying to control everybody.

Date your girlfriend and stop pushing her on everyone.

Anonymous wrote:So many judgey posters. If my siblings choose to cheat, choose to divorce, it’s their right. It’s not my job to pass judgement. I know nothing of anyone’s marriage but my own. I’d be pretty livid if my family treated me with such disdain because of a choice I made. Thankfully my family is a blood comes first kind of family.

Op, you really have no idea why your brother has chosen to leave his wife. You really don’t.

Meeting the woman in his life currently won’t hurt you. As for his kids being hurt, your SIL response to her new reality dictates this.

Wait, you’d pretty livid if your family treated you with disdain when you cheated on your spouse and now parading the AP around before the the divorce is final? You don’t think that behavior is worthy of disdain? No matter why sibling left wife, he cheated while they were still married. That is morally wrong. That should not be supported and now dude is having a tantrum because no one wants to meet AP? GTFOH. If sibling cared so much about family, he would have waited until he was divorced. TEAM PARENTS

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many judgey posters. If my siblings choose to cheat, choose to divorce, it’s their right. It’s not my job to pass judgement. I know nothing of anyone’s marriage but my own. I’d be pretty livid if my family treated me with such disdain because of a choice I made. Thankfully my family is a blood comes first kind of family.

Op, you really have no idea why your brother has chosen to leave his wife. You really don’t.

Meeting the woman in his life currently won’t hurt you. As for his kids being hurt, your SIL response to her new reality dictates this.

Dp I couldn't disagree with you more. Op is under no obligation to meet the other woman. I think if he is divorced, fine but, why should op pretend everything is ok just because brother wants it to be? I don't care why he divorced but, if he is still legally married to the first wife I wouldn't want to meet her. Op could offer to meet her brother another time. Who knows how long this woman will last?

Perfectionism is toxic. Try letting go of some control and try to be empathetic.

Anonymous wrote:So many judgey posters. If my siblings choose to cheat, choose to divorce, it’s their right. It’s not my job to pass judgement. I know nothing of anyone’s marriage but my own. I’d be pretty livid if my family treated me with such disdain because of a choice I made. Thankfully my family is a blood comes first kind of family.

Op, you really have no idea why your brother has chosen to leave his wife. You really don’t.

Meeting the woman in his life currently won’t hurt you. As for his kids being hurt, your SIL response to her new reality dictates this.

Dp I couldn't disagree with you more. Op is under no obligation to meet the other woman. I think if he is divorced, fine but, why should op pretend everything is ok just because brother wants it to be? I don't care why he divorced but, if he is still legally married to the first wife I wouldn't want to meet her. Op could offer to meet her brother another time. Who knows how long this woman will last?

So many judgey posters. If my siblings choose to cheat, choose to divorce, it’s their right. It’s not my job to pass judgement. I know nothing of anyone’s marriage but my own. I’d be pretty livid if my family treated me with such disdain because of a choice I made. Thankfully my family is a blood comes first kind of family.

Op, you really have no idea why your brother has chosen to leave his wife. You really don’t.

Meeting the woman in his life currently won’t hurt you. As for his kids being hurt, your SIL response to her new reality dictates this.

I can’t believe these responses. My DHs dad married his affair partner and they lived happily ever after for decades. I can’t imagine if she had gotten this treatment eternally, especially when it takes two to tango. My MIL said she should never should have married him, and you know marriage is complex. The fact is your nieces and nephews are going to likely live with her. While people weren’t close, they were all civil and welcoming. DH and his siblings all still communicate with her 10 years after their dad died and she still acts like grandma to our kids.

It most likely won’t deter them even if your entire family doesn’t want to meet her, so what you do here is immaterial to where they end up. People on these boards always seem to think they can teach cheaters some sort of lesson or make them feel some sort of remorse. The end result is the same. They’ll last or won’t last, but not because of your boycotting.

Personally, I try not to take a moral stand on things that don’t really have anything to do with me or my marriage. It is smart advice to tell your brother you’ll meet her when the divorce is final - but then when the divorce is final and it’s time to meet you get over it and move forward.