Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

That’s fine because I’d leave before then and/or try to plan more alone time with my child. Or, I’d be happy to take what I could get and not complain or make it an issue. Because I know. I’ve been on the receiving end.

DP but that's exactly what OP's MIL is doing. Having alone time with her son after his kids are in bed, which he seems to enjoy.

What I’m saying is, they can go somewhere else, where they are actually alone.

Is this OP? So you would prefer it is your dh left at 9pm to go grab a bite with his mom?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

That’s fine because I’d leave before then and/or try to plan more alone time with my child. Or, I’d be happy to take what I could get and not complain or make it an issue. Because I know. I’ve been on the receiving end.

DP but that's exactly what OP's MIL is doing. Having alone time with her son after his kids are in bed, which he seems to enjoy.

What I’m saying is, they can go somewhere else, where they are actually alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

That’s fine because I’d leave before then and/or try to plan more alone time with my child. Or, I’d be happy to take what I could get and not complain or make it an issue. Because I know. I’ve been on the receiving end.

Oh yes, women should always be happy with the crumbs.

I wouldn’t say twice a month guaranteed is crumbs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

On a Monday night? Totally acceptable for kids to learn that it's ok to kick grandma out at 9:30 PM when everyone is tired from the workday and has to get up early the next day.

Signed, someone who lives 10 minutes from my parents and sees them 2-3 times per week (and am totally cool with saying "Mom, dad, we're tired and going to bed. We'll talk to you tomorrow."

And that is great, you communicate and let them know right? But, her DH likes her being there, and she can go to sleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

On a Monday night? Totally acceptable for kids to learn that it's ok to kick grandma out at 9:30 PM when everyone is tired from the workday and has to get up early the next day.

Signed, someone who lives 10 minutes from my parents and sees them 2-3 times per week (and am totally cool with saying "Mom, dad, we're tired and going to bed. We'll talk to you tomorrow."

But they choose Monday night. I suppose it is better than the whole Saturday or because they hope MIL will leave early as it is a work day.

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

On a Monday night? Totally acceptable for kids to learn that it's ok to kick grandma out at 9:30 PM when everyone is tired from the workday and has to get up early the next day.

Signed, someone who lives 10 minutes from my parents and sees them 2-3 times per week (and am totally cool with saying "Mom, dad, we're tired and going to bed. We'll talk to you tomorrow."

Anonymous wrote:If you were black you would say "so what are you about to go do now?" as you're getting the kids ready to head upstairs. That's code for "thanks for visiting, but please leave".

On point but not insulting, setting a boundary but not being rude. We should all learn this phrase.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

That’s fine because I’d leave before then and/or try to plan more alone time with my child. Or, I’d be happy to take what I could get and not complain or make it an issue. Because I know. I’ve been on the receiving end.

That's what we all think when we are young, like you. All of us, then, we get old. My own mom wrote a cook book to me when I got married and on it she wrote, "never, ever live with his or your parents." She lived with my grandma and it was hell for her. Fast forwards, she says that was just for DH's parents and well, she is old now...so things are different. One night a week, or one per two weeks is really not bad, show some compassion. DH and I talk all the time how we will try not to become like my mom and his dad, but will we really not repeat what they are doing? Just saying, don't be so smug that you won't act like she does, or something else might upset your own kids. If we all learned from what we experienced there wouldn't be any issues today between moms and kids, and ILS and relatives, right? But, we don't, so on and on it goes. As you grow old, you also learn not to worry about small issues like this. Your MIL doesn't care if you are in your pjs, or showering, you are kind to do the bed time on your own so they can chat, and your dh is willing to make a bit of a compromise. Maybe next Monday, you tell DH, he and MIL will do the bed time and you will go to gym? Why not?

If you were black you would say "so what are you about to go do now?" as you're getting the kids ready to head upstairs. That's code for "thanks for visiting, but please leave".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

That’s fine because I’d leave before then and/or try to plan more alone time with my child. Or, I’d be happy to take what I could get and not complain or make it an issue. Because I know. I’ve been on the receiving end.

Oh yes, women should always be happy with the crumbs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

That’s fine because I’d leave before then and/or try to plan more alone time with my child. Or, I’d be happy to take what I could get and not complain or make it an issue. Because I know. I’ve been on the receiving end.

DP but that's exactly what OP's MIL is doing. Having alone time with her son after his kids are in bed, which he seems to enjoy.

Anonymous wrote:One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

That’s fine because I’d leave before then and/or try to plan more alone time with my child. Or, I’d be happy to take what I could get and not complain or make it an issue. Because I know. I’ve been on the receiving end.

One day you will be your MIL, op. And your kids will learn that you kick grandma out at 9:30pm, no matter what. Keep that in mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is lonely and wants to talk to her son without the kids.

That’s my MIL too. She also does not want me around, so I started sending DH to visit her without us.

And that's ok too. Women often like to have talks with their moms, one on one, right? Or to visit your sister, nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous wrote:She is lonely and wants to talk to her son without the kids.

That’s my MIL too. She also does not want me around, so I started sending DH to visit her without us.