You say once, "I'm not going to do that". You know they love you. You love them too. You do not need to do something you don't want to do. They adjust. They no longer expect or ask.

Seriously?

If ever there was a post that made me question the collective wisdom and emotional stability of DCUM this is it. You guys (the ones who think the “home safe” text is an intrusion) are nuts .

Seriously I will never look at this board the same way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people that damn sensitive and insecure that a small simple gesture demonstrating care about a person’s safety and well-being is seen as some boundary intrusion and insult to their supposed independence and maturity?????

This is what I don't get though--how is asking someone else to do something (to text you when they get home) = a "gesture demonstrating care about a person's safety"?

I can see how texting your anxious parents to let them know you are OK is a kind gesture TO THEM in that it may temporarily soothe their anxiety, even though logically it does not make anyone safer. But it does not make any sense to say that ASKING someone to do something FOR YOU constitutes you making a kind gesture TO THEM.

Because it is not about anxiety in many instances. Perhaps PPs who have a negative reaction to this had intrusive, anxious parents; in that context, their reaction makes sense. My mom isn’t anxious or meddling so I have no issue with texting her that I’ve arrived safely. I love her and this small action to give her peace of mind reflects that, and the caring nature of our relationship.

And on my end, when I ask her to text me when she gets home, it’s for the same reason — it gives me peace of mind and I care about her well-being. My request for her to text me reflects that. It’s an expression of love and care that I never stopped and thought about or analyzed because it’s such a small thing.

Anonymous wrote:Are people that damn sensitive and insecure that a small simple gesture demonstrating care about a person’s safety and well-being is seen as some boundary intrusion and insult to their supposed independence and maturity?????

+1 This is such a small thing.

Anonymous wrote:My parents, sister and I do this without even asking. My sister and I are both married with our own families.

+1 I always text my mom when I arrive at any travel destination, whether I’ve been flying or driving, and whether I’m alone or with my DH and kids. It takes two seconds and I know it gives her peace of mind, because she cares about me. She does the same for me. It never occurred to me to question it and I will continue it for the duration of our lives.

Anonymous wrote:Are people that damn sensitive and insecure that a small simple gesture demonstrating care about a person’s safety and well-being is seen as some boundary intrusion and insult to their supposed independence and maturity?????

This is what I don't get though--how is asking someone else to do something (to text you when they get home) = a "gesture demonstrating care about a person's safety"?

I can see how texting your anxious parents to let them know you are OK is a kind gesture TO THEM in that it may temporarily soothe their anxiety, even though logically it does not make anyone safer. But it does not make any sense to say that ASKING someone to do something FOR YOU constitutes you making a kind gesture TO THEM.

I had controlling and anxious parents, and my ILs are also very anxious, so checking in on me can be very triggering. It makes me feel like a child again.

I will respond if it’s the person I was visiting. But I don’t need my parents or ILs to check in on me when I’m on a trip that has nothing to do with them. If something went wrong, what can they even do anyway? That’s what 911 is for.

I also don’t get when people text me every milestone on their trip. “Got through TSA!” “On the plane!” “Plane is taking off I’ll check in when I land!” “Landed at layover airport!” “On next plane!” “Plane is taking off!” “Landed!” “Got my bags!” “On the Uber!” “Made It home!” Jeez, give it a rest. It’s not like I can do anything if your plane crashes.

Anonymous wrote:Weirdos. Whenever I go out with my friends we send a round of "got home safely!" or "I'm home" after we part ways. No one thinks twice about it.

+1

Weirdos. Whenever I go out with my friends we send a round of "got home safely!" or "I'm home" after we part ways. No one thinks twice about it.

I hate this request too. My younger brother does it now (probably because my parents do).

They also were a nice combo of highly anxious and extremely controlling when I was growing up.

And I completely agree its self serving for the one requesting it.

My sister randomly asked me to text her and let her know I got home safely on a recent drive to drop my kid off at college and I thought of this thread. I've made the drive over 30+ times over the years. We just happened to be texting that day and she made this request. I think these types of requests are more about making the requester "feel like a caring person" and nothing to do with my well being. She asked because it made her feel like a better person to make that request.

I'm a parent of adult married children. They usually text me when they get "home" and sometimes when they arrive "there" and I do so in return. Sometimes we text on route too, if our spouses are driving on a road trip. It helps pass the time on long car trips. It's not meant to be intrusive and I don't think it's taken that way.

They care about your safety. Take the 30 seconds and text you home. Why make this such a dramatic issue?

My in-laws have always done this and some members of my family do it. Getting worked up over something like this seems ridiculous. It takes minimal effort and brings folks some peace. It's just not a big deal in the grand scheme of life.