Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we draw a distinction between garden variety misbehavior and really big stuff? Say your kid willfully causes serious ER-worthy injury to their sibling, or you catch your kid bullying another kid, or stealing money from your wallet — surely taking them to the water park the next morning isn’t appropriate? On the spectrum from “having a bad attitude” (not worth canceling a trip) to “caught mutilating animals” (you better cancel that trip and get the kid some help ASAP) there has to be a middle ground where reasonable parents can make different judgment calls about what is an appropriate punishment.

If your kid is caught doing something really egregious (badly injuring another child, mutilating animals) - yes, you cancel and get them into counseling, to the doctor or whatever you have to do.

That doesn't mean that I will make plans with you again. My kid in the meantime was well behaved, did nothing wrong is now super disappointed that a fun day has been cancelled.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to push back on this idea too that “there has to be another way” to discipline that doesn’t impact others. If your kid, for whatever reason, is a holy terror one day and won’t listen, acts out, etc. it’s sometimes a sign they’re already overstimulated/exhausted and a day at home without another big social activity play date is EXACTLY what they need to get back on track.

My own kids can act out when it’s been go go go for several days and though they don’t know it, it’s usually at this point they do NOT need to do the waterpark all day with a friend and actually need a chill day at home. I get that is a bummer for your kid but if I realize at 5 pm after an awful day with my kid that oh damn, they definitely need to just have a book and movie chill day or they’ll be even worse/more exhausted and crabby by 2 pm tomorrow, then I need to do what’s best for them. Sometimes it’s not about “punishment” or being a flake to you- it’s seeing what your kid needs and doing it for them.

NP here. I’m sorry, but you need to plan better if this is the case. And sometimes, your kid will just have to suck it up and rest the next day if you have made a commitment to other people. Teaching your child the importance of honoring commitments you’ve made unless there’s an emergency is good parenting, too. You don’t cancel on a friend after confirming you’ll be there unless it’s truly unavoidable (eg, illness, car won’t start, etc).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we draw a distinction between garden variety misbehavior and really big stuff? Say your kid willfully causes serious ER-worthy injury to their sibling, or you catch your kid bullying another kid, or stealing money from your wallet — surely taking them to the water park the next morning isn’t appropriate? On the spectrum from “having a bad attitude” (not worth canceling a trip) to “caught mutilating animals” (you better cancel that trip and get the kid some help ASAP) there has to be a middle ground where reasonable parents can make different judgment calls about what is an appropriate punishment.

If your kid is caught doing something really egregious (badly injuring another child, mutilating animals) - yes, you cancel and get them into counseling, to the doctor or whatever you have to do.

That doesn't mean that I will make plans with you again. My kid in the meantime was well behaved, did nothing wrong is now super disappointed that a fun day has been cancelled.

Anonymous wrote:Can we draw a distinction between garden variety misbehavior and really big stuff? Say your kid willfully causes serious ER-worthy injury to their sibling, or you catch your kid bullying another kid, or stealing money from your wallet — surely taking them to the water park the next morning isn’t appropriate? On the spectrum from “having a bad attitude” (not worth canceling a trip) to “caught mutilating animals” (you better cancel that trip and get the kid some help ASAP) there has to be a middle ground where reasonable parents can make different judgment calls about what is an appropriate punishment.

Anonymous wrote:I just want to push back on this idea too that “there has to be another way” to discipline that doesn’t impact others. If your kid, for whatever reason, is a holy terror one day and won’t listen, acts out, etc. it’s sometimes a sign they’re already overstimulated/exhausted and a day at home without another big social activity play date is EXACTLY what they need to get back on track.

My own kids can act out when it’s been go go go for several days and though they don’t know it, it’s usually at this point they do NOT need to do the waterpark all day with a friend and actually need a chill day at home. I get that is a bummer for your kid but if I realize at 5 pm after an awful day with my kid that oh damn, they definitely need to just have a book and movie chill day or they’ll be even worse/more exhausted and crabby by 2 pm tomorrow, then I need to do what’s best for them. Sometimes it’s not about “punishment” or being a flake to you- it’s seeing what your kid needs and doing it for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend was rude to cancel the playdate for that reason.

Certainly there were other immediate high value things that she could have taken away from her son right then and there.

Maybe at 3 pm when the play date was still on she did that and then the kid kept going so she had to take something bigger.

Anonymous wrote:Your friend was rude to cancel the playdate for that reason.

Certainly there were other immediate high value things that she could have taken away from her son right then and there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. Plus disappointment is apart of life. It's unfortunate but may as well get your kid used to it now. My daughter had a sleep over for her birthday and one of the moms cancelled due to her daughter's bad behavior. Yes I was disappointed but I wasn't about to get upset over her properly parenting her child. Bad behavior does not deserve a reward.

It genuinely surprises me how few people in this thread think this. I’m with you. If my kid is acting like a jerk, I will not regard them with outings and play dates. If that’s a bummer for your kid then that sucks but I’m responsible for raising MY kids.

It's not an either or here though is it? You can surely find another way to punish or discipline your child that doesn't punish somebody else.?

I remember very clearly being in eighth grade and heading over to a sleepover party with a sense of dread. my mom let me go because we had committed to it but I knew the punishment was coming the next day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. Plus disappointment is apart of life. It's unfortunate but may as well get your kid used to it now. My daughter had a sleep over for her birthday and one of the moms cancelled due to her daughter's bad behavior. Yes I was disappointed but I wasn't about to get upset over her properly parenting her child. Bad behavior does not deserve a reward.

It genuinely surprises me how few people in this thread think this. I’m with you. If my kid is acting like a jerk, I will not regard them with outings and play dates. If that’s a bummer for your kid then that sucks but I’m responsible for raising MY kids.

It's not an either or here though is it? You can surely find another way to punish or discipline your child that doesn't punish somebody else.?

I remember very clearly being in eighth grade and heading over to a sleepover party with a sense of dread. my mom let me go because we had committed to it but I knew the punishment was coming the next day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. Plus disappointment is apart of life. It's unfortunate but may as well get your kid used to it now. My daughter had a sleep over for her birthday and one of the moms cancelled due to her daughter's bad behavior. Yes I was disappointed but I wasn't about to get upset over her properly parenting her child. Bad behavior does not deserve a reward.

It genuinely surprises me how few people in this thread think this. I’m with you. If my kid is acting like a jerk, I will not regard them with outings and play dates. If that’s a bummer for your kid then that sucks but I’m responsible for raising MY kids.