Anonymous
07/13/2019 11:56
Subject: Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?
Anonymous wrote:I read all the posts. The red flag for me here is the blame of the mother when the father is the one with the flexible schedule and he also is going to the performance. OP has mommy issues.
Well that’s a rude way to out it. But, yes, there’s clearly a dynamic in OP’s relationship with her mother in which OP wants something she is not getting. OP needs to get a handle on that, because going through life feeling insignificant is no good.
But OP should also quit reading this thread (if she still is) because all the snippy, dismissive comments are not helping her address that there is something particular to this relationship that leaves her feeling hurt.
Anonymous
07/13/2019 11:55
Subject: Re:Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. A few things that I wanted to point out:
- This thread has made me realize my jealously is a bigger issue than I thought. I've been in therapy on and off over the years, but it may be a good idea to start again.
- Growing up, I always felt like my Mom was loving and caring. It's only been the case in recent years that I've felt not prioritized. For what it's worth, I've talked to my sisters in the past about this, and they feel similarly, but for different reasons.
- To be honest, I'm proud of the work that my Mom does, and I know it's important, but I do sometimes feel (as other posters have mentioned) that she prioritizes her work over her family. What's gnawing at me in this situation is that I hadn't ever heard her mention this student until yesterday, and she only started with the "oh, I must see her play, it's so important," talk once I brought up that having dinner at 8:30 wouldn't work for us. It just sounds like she's more interested in making sure this student is happy as opposed to her own daughter.
- Another issue is that when DH and I go up to visit my parents, we'll do things on our own (ex. see High School friends of mine), but we always make an effort to work around my parent's schedule and spend time with them, and its frustrating that they can't do the same.
- It may be irrelevant, but this isn't a one time performance, this student has been in residence at this program for several months.
The performance, presumably, is on a set schedule. It's not in your mother's control to "work around" your schedule. What you really mean by this is that she shouldn't go to the performance, and should spend time with you instead, because that's what you want.
You presumably will be in this house for a while, and you yourself said the artist's program is ending shortly. So, how, precisely, would you have your mother "work around" this?
And what on earth does that digression about your SIL's birthday have to do with . . . anything?
Some growing up is required here.
Anonymous
07/13/2019 11:49
Subject: Re:Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?
You're being immature.
Do you make your parents a priority or are you just concerned about being a priority for them? Do you really want to see them more regularly or do you just want them to admire your new house? Do you offer emotional support and take an interest in their lives or do you expect your relationship to be all about you? Go the performance with your parents and support your mother in her work or go to dinner with your SIL. But don't make this a big deal.
Do you make your parents a priority or are you just concerned about being a priority for them? Do you really want to see them more regularly or do you just want them to admire your new house? Do you offer emotional support and take an interest in their lives or do you expect your relationship to be all about you? Go the performance with your parents and support your mother in her work or go to dinner with your SIL. But don't make this a big deal.
Anonymous
07/13/2019 11:46
Subject: Re:Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?
OP, it’s extremely you.
Anonymous
07/13/2019 11:43
Subject: Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?
I read all the posts. The red flag for me here is the blame of the mother when the father is the one with the flexible schedule and he also is going to the performance. OP has mommy issues.
Anonymous
07/13/2019 09:37
Subject: Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?
I agree with your mother and, frankly, I understand why your parents don't visit you often. You are a selfish, entitled brat.