Anonymous
Post 05/17/2019 09:25     Subject: As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
I posted before, yes there is harm. Kids can't drive! I am now paying over 3K extra in insurance since dd totaled her brand new mid size suv. Had to deal with insurance for months, she had a concussion, still had side effects from it. I almost break out in hives from stress when she tells me she is driving to busier areas in the DMV! (She is not allowed to DC) I honestly believe(but dh thought different for his baby girl!) that you should drive a reliable car that you don't care about till 22 at least. On top of it, if your kid is off to college with the car, you have to worry about all the other idiot kids in college who are texting and driving and just have no awareness of traffic for years.(that is how DS's car ended up in a shop for a month, rear ended like nuts!) I go to DS's college town for games, and last time I saw a horrific head on collision between an SUV and a truck, clearly 4 girls in the suv were at fault, and all safe(thanks gosh) but cackling like morons,"omg, don't know how that happened!" Happened because you are turning left and not avoiding incoming traffic! DD's best friend had 2 accidents in first 2 months! Hit the car in the parking lot that was parked! Got hit another time. Ever other day on the way to DD's school, there is an accident, usually bunch of boys or girls in a car. And this is not in DC, we are talking MD suburbs! So, if for nothing else buy a smaller one, so your kids can pay some more attention instead of being unaware douche bags. You know that awareness of knowing where all the cars around you are at all times? Yeah, they don't have that, none of us had that for years at first. This is an honest confession of a BTDT mom, who bought 3!!! cars in the last 8 months and had 3 cars in shops and 1 totaled. Don't be me!(sorry, just a rant from a frustrated mom)
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2019 08:56     Subject: Re:As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would never buy kids cars because not having a car teaches them quite a lot about life and goals and priorities. Then again we are also careful to live in areas where kids really don't need a car.


Owning a car can also teach you a great deal about life. I grew in small Midwest town, walkable to nothing. A car was essential to the independence and freedom that are a natural part of growing up. My first car cost $300 and was a 93 Ford Tempo (uninspiring Honda Civic competitor). My grandparent's gave me the car shortly after I passed my written learner's permit exam. It let me work a job before school. It gave me plenty of natural consquences for neglecting regular maintence and it would have killed me if I decided that it was a good idea to drive recklessly. It was not an inspiring vehicle, but I don't know that any material thing has ever meant as much to me since. Keeping it on the road and insured was on me, though my father was generous enough to allow the use of his tools. I'm not mechanically inclined, but I can change my own oil and brakes, which was considered important in a blue collar family. I know how to use a jack and change a flat. In short, the car taught me about budgeting, hard work, and the importance of taking care of things BEFORE they break.

Life is different here, but I'm not sure that not having a car teaches them about life, goals, or priorities. To me, it sounds like a kid is going to spend more time bumming rides with friends. That puts your kid at a greater risk of somebody's else decision-making. That could be minor, like missing out a preferred activity because Larlo wants to do something else. Or major, like having a friend that decides it would be funny or cool to drive irresponsibly resulting in a serious collision. Even just being stuck somewhere that they don't feel safe because thier ride doesn't want to leave. Maybe it's not really a big deal here and now with Uber/Lyft, public transit, denser neighborhoods with sidewalks.

I don't think that giving nice things to a kid automatically means that they will be horrible, spoiled children. However, I don't think there is any reason for a teenager to have such a nice vehicle, just because they want it and you can give it to them. On the other hand, a thoroughly used car in this area might be a source of shame and irresponsible behavior because of that.


I grew up not having my own car and had to bum rides or borrow from my parents and yes, it taught me a lot about life and priorities. UMC background, UMC today.

If one of my kids had an amazing internship/part time job in college and the only way to make it work was to have a car then I'd probably get a used Corolla. We live in the inner suburbs of a major city and the neighborhood kids use public transit to go downtown or share ubers with friends as is increasingly common these days. These are kids from comfortable families, many in private schools. The world of car ownership is dramatically changing. The young generation these days don't value car ownership the way older generations did. I'm sure it's different in the outer suburbs or small towns and I don't judge, but my kids are likely to be urban based and urban oriented.

Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 15:51     Subject: Re:As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
Anonymous wrote:I would never buy kids cars because not having a car teaches them quite a lot about life and goals and priorities. Then again we are also careful to live in areas where kids really don't need a car.


Owning a car can also teach you a great deal about life. I grew in small Midwest town, walkable to nothing. A car was essential to the independence and freedom that are a natural part of growing up. My first car cost $300 and was a 93 Ford Tempo (uninspiring Honda Civic competitor). My grandparent's gave me the car shortly after I passed my written learner's permit exam. It let me work a job before school. It gave me plenty of natural consquences for neglecting regular maintence and it would have killed me if I decided that it was a good idea to drive recklessly. It was not an inspiring vehicle, but I don't know that any material thing has ever meant as much to me since. Keeping it on the road and insured was on me, though my father was generous enough to allow the use of his tools. I'm not mechanically inclined, but I can change my own oil and brakes, which was considered important in a blue collar family. I know how to use a jack and change a flat. In short, the car taught me about budgeting, hard work, and the importance of taking care of things BEFORE they break.

Life is different here, but I'm not sure that not having a car teaches them about life, goals, or priorities. To me, it sounds like a kid is going to spend more time bumming rides with friends. That puts your kid at a greater risk of somebody's else decision-making. That could be minor, like missing out a preferred activity because Larlo wants to do something else. Or major, like having a friend that decides it would be funny or cool to drive irresponsibly resulting in a serious collision. Even just being stuck somewhere that they don't feel safe because thier ride doesn't want to leave. Maybe it's not really a big deal here and now with Uber/Lyft, public transit, denser neighborhoods with sidewalks.

I don't think that giving nice things to a kid automatically means that they will be horrible, spoiled children. However, I don't think there is any reason for a teenager to have such a nice vehicle, just because they want it and you can give it to them. On the other hand, a thoroughly used car in this area might be a source of shame and irresponsible behavior because of that.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 12:52     Subject: As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
Why give a kid a car, a very expensive car, which they have no hope of being able to afford.

I think it's cruel

"You don't earn enough, and won't anytime soon, to get this car on your own", that's the message that resonates with young people just staring.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 11:58     Subject: As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
Why does each child need their own car? My kids will be sharing one safe, reliable vehicle like a civic.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 11:51     Subject: Re:As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
Anonymous wrote:This instrument conversation is interesting. My niece has received acceptances to every college she applied to, and between music and academic scholarships, she will be completely covered financially. She is serious about her instruments and her parents did buy them for her. I know someone else whose dd got amazing music scholarships and all costs are covered. Her parents bought her a 16k used instrument.

Right now we have rental instruments but if my yds stays as passionate as he is now, we will buy him an instrument. He is passionate about the double bass so space in a car is an issue. My kids do not need to drive in our town as it is 100% bike-able but I would like them to be solid drivers before they leave the nest.



Also, there is NO WAY I would let an instrument go in a bike trailer, even if it is rental and we have insurance. It is just too risky.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 11:50     Subject: Re:As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
This instrument conversation is interesting. My niece has received acceptances to every college she applied to, and between music and academic scholarships, she will be completely covered financially. She is serious about her instruments and her parents did buy them for her. I know someone else whose dd got amazing music scholarships and all costs are covered. Her parents bought her a 16k used instrument.

Right now we have rental instruments but if my yds stays as passionate as he is now, we will buy him an instrument. He is passionate about the double bass so space in a car is an issue. My kids do not need to drive in our town as it is 100% bike-able but I would like them to be solid drivers before they leave the nest.

Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 11:28     Subject: Re:As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
I would never buy kids cars because not having a car teaches them quite a lot about life and goals and priorities. Then again we are also careful to live in areas where kids really don't need a car.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2019 21:36     Subject: As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised at how judgmental people are about parenting choices. My parents paid for everything pretty much through law school. I don’t really remember what happened to any money I earned. I probably gave it to them if it was a lot — summer law jobs-and otherwise spent it in on whatever they would have bought me anyway. Also true for my brother. This worked because we made sensible choices all along, so our parents didn’t need to come up with different rules. We then both managed our money well once we were earning on our own. You parent the kid you have. My current 16-year seems to be in the same mold. She doesn’t ask for much. Asks if something is too expensive. So she is in fact budgeting for herself, just in a different way than most posters are used to. If she were a different kid, I’d parent her differently. Now, you might say she has a greater chance of going off the rails budget wise than if I adopted a different approach, and that may be true, but that doesn’t mean our way of doing things is bad or outside the range of reasonableness. There may be other aspects of her life where we are stricter than the norm. It all balances out.


+1. My parents paid for everything and I didn't have a job until the summer of my Junior year in college, and then in law school, when I got clerkships. They bought me nice new cars. I was (and am) an excellent money manager and have worked my a** off my entire life (until I retired in my 50's, because I'd saved enough money to do so comfortably). My DC is the same way -- he hasn't had a job, but he is more careful with money than most kids. He's a straight-A student and when he gets his driver's license next year, he'll "inherit" a nice family car that will be his to drive. He's probably going to come into a significant trust some day, and I'd rather teach him how to have a healthy relationship with money now -- having money doesn't mean that you don't need to work hard and have a career and purpose in life. You do these things because they are part of having a fulfilling life, not just to earn a buck. Yes, certain trappings associated with having money may mean less to him, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2019 15:08     Subject: As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
My DH had a Mustang in HS and a BMW in college. He was an aggressive nasty driver and wrecked his first 2 cars. He did not need those vehicles until his testosterone calmed down. It was a hard time adjusting to broke life after college with getting lot cars under 5K. Basically junkers as we had to save for a house. My Dad bought me a $10k car that I got to pick out and it was just fine. I did not want for anything else. There were tons of kids where I lived who had brand new Mercedes or restored sweet antiques and they ended up dead wrapped around a tree. I do not know how I feel about what my kids will drive as I have not crossed that bridge yet. I have 3 more years.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2019 08:03     Subject: Re:As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
I'm the PP who just purchased a used car price string instrument for my DC who will be starting a B.M. program in the fall. There will be kids with much nicer instruments in his program! One shop where we looked had only two options under $20,000. Sometimes I wish DC played the piccolo or something!

So for the families with 5 or 6 cars, do you just have your kids take them to college? Mine is taking a longboard lol.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2019 02:26     Subject: Re:As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.


My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?


Your post is not relevant given you spend more on a fancy instrument than a car. What is the difference? He doesn't need an instrument costing thousands. That would be spoiled too.


I am not that poster but I would disagree with this statement. Music isn't your thing, that it is okay.


+1. If you have a kid headed to a conservatory, they need the sound quality of a more expensive instrument. I’m not a musician, but my kids are, and I am shocked by the differences in sound quality. And some types of instruments are much more expensive than others. My kid started at clarinet and now play bass clarinet and ouch. It’s a life long investment for their profession that should not depreciate if properly cared for.


There is a quailty difference but to they really need it at a young age. No, they don't need it, you or they want it. They can learn to play equally with less expensive equipment. Nothing wrong with buying it for them but its the same thing.


But if we’re talking about 16 year olds, and not 6 year olds, of driving age and on the teen board, then they have been playing several hours a week for 10 years when you make the purchase and the sound difference matters. I agree that buying a $5000 instrument of anyone who is 6 except a music prodigy is ridiculous.

We rented from grades 3-7, bought a very nice but not professional instrument for $1000 when DC upgraded to a more serious teacher and commitment in 8th. Kid is now a junior and looking seriously at colleges with strong music (Oberlin, Rochester, Case Western, St. Olaf) as secondary/ a minor/ serious EC as a part of the orchestra to a primary STEM field in college. He has asked us to bump him up to a professional instrument for college which hits $5000 as his high school graduation gift (although we could likely sell the instrument he has now for close to what we purchased it for to offset the cost). Depending on where he ends up for college and how the finances work out.

Now, my kid does not play a particularly expensive instrument. There are some instruments where you would be getting into new car territory. In 5hid case, I see it as different than a car, because there is a direct correlation. You work hard at something for a decade, through lots of tedious practice and become really good at it, you get to play a nicer instrument. And musicians seem to get a lot of joy out of playing high quality instruments. They know they are lucky to have the nice instrument, because they spent years learning on the $40/ month student rental. A beginner is going to screech either way. We aren’t athletes in my family, but I would use the same rationale to invest money is high quality athletic equipment for a high school varsity player, and even more money for a kid playing at the college level.

Anonymous
Post 05/14/2019 00:58     Subject: As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You do you.


When I was growing up, the boy across the street died in a car wreck/ rollover in a Jeep. The traffic here is terrible and new drivers have a lot to deal with. So, no. Not for my kids.


Good point. Whenever I have had a high-profile vehicle my insurance has gone up, when I've had a sedan it goes down--not talking about collision coverage, just the liability and personal injury part. Not that OP can't afford the coverage, but that tells you about the relative risk.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2019 00:42     Subject: As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
We bought a new $30k car for DD when she got her temps. We made her drive with us constantly in all types of traffic situations & weather in the car she'd actually be driving for years to come. It gave me peace of mind. It should last until a few years after college. I was not playing taxi during high school to sports year round, school everyday (no buses/too far to walk), summer job etc.

There are plenty of new, mid-priced safe sedans that will last 10+ years. No need to buy a $5k unreliable car or a $45 unsafe Jeep. Most reasonable people I know go this route.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2019 00:35     Subject: Re:As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.


My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?


Your post is not relevant given you spend more on a fancy instrument than a car. What is the difference? He doesn't need an instrument costing thousands. That would be spoiled too.


I am not that poster but I would disagree with this statement. Music isn't your thing, that it is okay.


My elementary school kid has about $2K in equipment plus we go to multiple concerts a year and the collection keeps expanding. He has nicer equipment than many adults. But, the point being you are saying a kid is spoiled for buying a car. Well, by that logic it is also spoiling by buying an instrument that costs more than your car. The comments are strange when they were saying will the kid keep the car or get something nicer... the same can be said for instruments or a lot of other things.

There is extensive literature on the value of being involved in music for children - from increased math skills to a sense of belonging that can come with being part of an ensemble to perseverance to the self-satisfaction that comes with perfecting a piece, the benefits are numerous. To my knowledge, there is no documented benefit of handing your teen a Jeep or whatever other car they fancy when they turn 16. So...not the same thing at all. Pretty lazy argument.


A Jeep is not a fancy car. If anything its very basic, especially the sport model and about the same price as many other vehicles. I agree there is a huge value in music, but reality is most kids can do just as well on less expensive equipment. Mine would have been fine on the $350-500 instrument but I choose differently.