Anonymous
05/17/2019 01:54
Subject: Re:How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
I haven’t read all the replies but this was hands-down the biggest stress in my 2nd pregnancy. We live in CA now (used to be in DC); my mom was unwilling to fly out and my MiL could only get a few says off so couldn’t just fly out and wait with us.
When I delivered my first I was badly mishandled and knew I absolutely needed my husband there. My first also came quickly and a month early so I couldn’t predict when I’d need help. The only on-call babysitters I could find said they could be to me within 4 hours.
Various friends offered to pick DD #1 up from daycare, have her sleep at their house etc. I told my minister this was a stress and she ended up handing me a list of names of women who would be happy to host my DD a few weeks before I was due. I wish I’d known about that list sooner. So, I knew I had that option, but preferred DD to be at home.
Our then 15 year old babysitter (who I originally found on NextDoor also) - who lived two doors down - said she’d cone spend the night / skip school when I went into labor. I was skeptical but her parents said they were okay with this plan.
Ultimately, on the app “NextDoor”’I saw someone advertising that their nanny was leaving their family (they didn’t need her anymore because the mom decided to be a stay at home mom) in early Feb. and she was looking for a new job. I was due on Valentine’s Day. I asked if the nanny would be interested in being “on call”. The other lady agreed to keep the nanny until after I delivered and understood the nanny might have to cancel on her last minute when I went into labor.
The nanny, my neighbor, and the 15 year old sitter all had each other’s info. If I went into labor during the day the neighbor with a kid my kid’s age would keep her to end of school day, if the evening the 15 year old would watch her until the nanny got off work and if night the nanny would be my first call.
It all worked out amazingly well in the end. I tucked my then 4 yr old in about 8:30 pm a week before my due date. Water broke immediately after so I was able to tell her what was happening. Nanny was at our house by 9 pm or so and stayed the two days I was in ths hospital which gave us time to line up other care. The 2nd birth was handled much better and I wasn’t as physically sick either. (The bloodloss from my first left me really dizzy and nauseated for the first few days). It was easy to be in the hospital alone after DD #2 was born.
The nanny stayed two overnights and one full day. I think we paid $25 / hr by day and $15 / hr when DD was sleeping. It was pricey but worth every penny
I realize this is luck / hard to duplicate but I’d (a) ask at a religious community if you have one (b) advertise at the local colleges and (c) try to join neighborhood apps / see if anyone is between jobs.
When I delivered my first I was badly mishandled and knew I absolutely needed my husband there. My first also came quickly and a month early so I couldn’t predict when I’d need help. The only on-call babysitters I could find said they could be to me within 4 hours.
Various friends offered to pick DD #1 up from daycare, have her sleep at their house etc. I told my minister this was a stress and she ended up handing me a list of names of women who would be happy to host my DD a few weeks before I was due. I wish I’d known about that list sooner. So, I knew I had that option, but preferred DD to be at home.
Our then 15 year old babysitter (who I originally found on NextDoor also) - who lived two doors down - said she’d cone spend the night / skip school when I went into labor. I was skeptical but her parents said they were okay with this plan.
Ultimately, on the app “NextDoor”’I saw someone advertising that their nanny was leaving their family (they didn’t need her anymore because the mom decided to be a stay at home mom) in early Feb. and she was looking for a new job. I was due on Valentine’s Day. I asked if the nanny would be interested in being “on call”. The other lady agreed to keep the nanny until after I delivered and understood the nanny might have to cancel on her last minute when I went into labor.
The nanny, my neighbor, and the 15 year old sitter all had each other’s info. If I went into labor during the day the neighbor with a kid my kid’s age would keep her to end of school day, if the evening the 15 year old would watch her until the nanny got off work and if night the nanny would be my first call.
It all worked out amazingly well in the end. I tucked my then 4 yr old in about 8:30 pm a week before my due date. Water broke immediately after so I was able to tell her what was happening. Nanny was at our house by 9 pm or so and stayed the two days I was in ths hospital which gave us time to line up other care. The 2nd birth was handled much better and I wasn’t as physically sick either. (The bloodloss from my first left me really dizzy and nauseated for the first few days). It was easy to be in the hospital alone after DD #2 was born.
The nanny stayed two overnights and one full day. I think we paid $25 / hr by day and $15 / hr when DD was sleeping. It was pricey but worth every penny
I realize this is luck / hard to duplicate but I’d (a) ask at a religious community if you have one (b) advertise at the local colleges and (c) try to join neighborhood apps / see if anyone is between jobs.
Anonymous
05/16/2019 14:06
Subject: How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
There is no magic solution, OP. I work with women and children and plenty of the women have given birth alone while her partner cares for the older children. One reason I opted for a scheduled c-section is so that my child could be in day care while her brother was born. My husband then had to leave to pick her up at the end of the day and I spent the night alone. It wasn't my ideal scenario but it was fine.
Hire a babysitter now so that your child becomes familiar with the person, and pay them to be on call/care for your child while you give birth.
Hire a babysitter now so that your child becomes familiar with the person, and pay them to be on call/care for your child while you give birth.
Anonymous
05/16/2019 13:47
Subject: How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
Join your neighborhood facebook groups. Where I live there are several- one for my specific development, one for the closer general area, one for the broader general area. Then there are several mom groups- one general mom group for the area I live in, then several spin-off groups based on your baby's birth year. There's another county-wide group for birth year.
I'm not particularly active in any of these groups besides chiming in on the occasional request for info or posting stuff to give away/donate, but I could post right this minute in any of them that I have an emergency and need someone to help with my kid/drive us to the hospital/whatever, and half a dozen people would respond offering to help. I've seen it happen a million times, even moms saying, "our whole family has the flu, can anyone recommend their grocery delivery?" and a bunch of other moms say, "I'll be right over with a casserole and chicken soup!" Mind you, this is in an area where no one says hello in person at the store, half my neighbors don't wave back, etc. But for whatever reason, the online community (presumably comprising the same people) is very generous and helpful.
I didn't read all 8 pages so I don't know exactly where you are, OP. I get that you feel like friends aren't an option, or you don't want to leave your kid with a stranger. I'd join these groups now and post what you've posted here. You'll probably get people offering to help and you can meet them ahead of time. Listen, I don't really know my neighbors well and I wouldn't ask them to babysit for a date night, but an emergency is an emergency and if I really needed their help, I would go to them. Plus, the odds of a local mom in your local mom facebook group, whose profile you can vet, being some nefarious danger to your kid...those odds are slim at best.
I'm not particularly active in any of these groups besides chiming in on the occasional request for info or posting stuff to give away/donate, but I could post right this minute in any of them that I have an emergency and need someone to help with my kid/drive us to the hospital/whatever, and half a dozen people would respond offering to help. I've seen it happen a million times, even moms saying, "our whole family has the flu, can anyone recommend their grocery delivery?" and a bunch of other moms say, "I'll be right over with a casserole and chicken soup!" Mind you, this is in an area where no one says hello in person at the store, half my neighbors don't wave back, etc. But for whatever reason, the online community (presumably comprising the same people) is very generous and helpful.
I didn't read all 8 pages so I don't know exactly where you are, OP. I get that you feel like friends aren't an option, or you don't want to leave your kid with a stranger. I'd join these groups now and post what you've posted here. You'll probably get people offering to help and you can meet them ahead of time. Listen, I don't really know my neighbors well and I wouldn't ask them to babysit for a date night, but an emergency is an emergency and if I really needed their help, I would go to them. Plus, the odds of a local mom in your local mom facebook group, whose profile you can vet, being some nefarious danger to your kid...those odds are slim at best.
Anonymous
05/16/2019 13:38
Subject: How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends
OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.
Why didn't you put this in your OP then? I'm starting to see why you have no friends or family who are willing to travel to help you with this...
Anonymous
05/16/2019 13:35
Subject: How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends
OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.
You are the one who decided to move while 8 or 9 months pregnant. We aren’t the bad ones for pointing out that you e put yourself in a pretty bad situation. Either make friends, fly a family member in, or hire a babysitter. You asked, why shoot the messenger? (Also, insane pregnant people are the WORST!)
Yeah OP is definitely the insane one on this thread...uh huh.
I moved at 8 months pregnant with my first and am likely to move at 4-6 months with my second. Sometimes life is complicated and there are not ideal choices, especially in an area like this with so many transplants. We have family about 1.5 hours away we could ask for help if we have enough time and warning, but births don't always go that way, and that is a BIG ask for new neighborhood friends, I wouldn't do it. Can we admit this can be a tough problem worth considering alternatives and not insult OP for not having a perfect life with a perfect local support system?
OP here. I have no idea where people are getting that I moved at 8 months pregnant. I am only 4 months.
OP, you are being very childish and difficult. Your original post suggested you wouldn't have time for arranging family or friends to come or to make friends locally or to develop a relationship with a trusted sitter. You have 4-5 months left, and can do any one of these things. I think a trusted sitter/nanny and/or doula would be the best if you think the due date isn't certain given DC #1's birth.
OP here. I don't why it's so hard for people to understand that family or friends are not an option. Yes I shot that down because again it's not an option. Our family lives abroad and they cannot be here. I never shot down a babysitter or a doula. Those are both options we're looking into now. It's funny how women shit on each other on this forum. You insult me for things I did not really do and then try to play nice at the end. There are some really sick people on this forum and I am staying away from now onwards.
You were rude from the get-go. First posters suggested your DH stay home with your child, you freaked out. Well, what about a doula with you while DH stays home, we asked? You clapped back again. Another said to bring in friends/family. You said family is overseas. Okay, but what about close friends? (That's right, you probably don't have any). People shat on you because you shat on people offering solutions first.
+ 1,000
Just read the last few pages of this thread and ... just... wow. OP you seem really nasty. We tried to help you with about a dozen suggestions and you attacked and insulted people every step of the way. No longer surprised you are freaking out about getting help six months from now. I have no doubt that you truly do not have one friend, family member, or acquaintance local or in your old city or abroad who would want to come help you. Nor the ability to form that type of friendship or possibly even hired arrangement in the next five or six months before the baby arrives. Also wishing you luck. I think you need it!
Anonymous
05/16/2019 13:27
Subject: How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends
OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.
You are the one who decided to move while 8 or 9 months pregnant. We aren’t the bad ones for pointing out that you e put yourself in a pretty bad situation. Either make friends, fly a family member in, or hire a babysitter. You asked, why shoot the messenger? (Also, insane pregnant people are the WORST!)
Yeah OP is definitely the insane one on this thread...uh huh.
I moved at 8 months pregnant with my first and am likely to move at 4-6 months with my second. Sometimes life is complicated and there are not ideal choices, especially in an area like this with so many transplants. We have family about 1.5 hours away we could ask for help if we have enough time and warning, but births don't always go that way, and that is a BIG ask for new neighborhood friends, I wouldn't do it. Can we admit this can be a tough problem worth considering alternatives and not insult OP for not having a perfect life with a perfect local support system?
OP here. I have no idea where people are getting that I moved at 8 months pregnant. I am only 4 months.
OP, you are being very childish and difficult. Your original post suggested you wouldn't have time for arranging family or friends to come or to make friends locally or to develop a relationship with a trusted sitter. You have 4-5 months left, and can do any one of these things. I think a trusted sitter/nanny and/or doula would be the best if you think the due date isn't certain given DC #1's birth.
OP here. I don't why it's so hard for people to understand that family or friends are not an option. Yes I shot that down because again it's not an option. Our family lives abroad and they cannot be here. I never shot down a babysitter or a doula. Those are both options we're looking into now. It's funny how women shit on each other on this forum. You insult me for things I did not really do and then try to play nice at the end. There are some really sick people on this forum and I am staying away from now onwards.
I agree. I think you should stay off of these boards. You are kind of unhinged from reality. I hope you ditch the drama and have a smooth rest of your pregnancy.
Anonymous
05/16/2019 13:02
Subject: How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends
OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.
You are the one who decided to move while 8 or 9 months pregnant. We aren’t the bad ones for pointing out that you e put yourself in a pretty bad situation. Either make friends, fly a family member in, or hire a babysitter. You asked, why shoot the messenger? (Also, insane pregnant people are the WORST!)
Yeah OP is definitely the insane one on this thread...uh huh.
I moved at 8 months pregnant with my first and am likely to move at 4-6 months with my second. Sometimes life is complicated and there are not ideal choices, especially in an area like this with so many transplants. We have family about 1.5 hours away we could ask for help if we have enough time and warning, but births don't always go that way, and that is a BIG ask for new neighborhood friends, I wouldn't do it. Can we admit this can be a tough problem worth considering alternatives and not insult OP for not having a perfect life with a perfect local support system?
OP here. I have no idea where people are getting that I moved at 8 months pregnant. I am only 4 months.
OP, you are being very childish and difficult. Your original post suggested you wouldn't have time for arranging family or friends to come or to make friends locally or to develop a relationship with a trusted sitter. You have 4-5 months left, and can do any one of these things. I think a trusted sitter/nanny and/or doula would be the best if you think the due date isn't certain given DC #1's birth.
OP here. I don't why it's so hard for people to understand that family or friends are not an option. Yes I shot that down because again it's not an option. Our family lives abroad and they cannot be here. I never shot down a babysitter or a doula. Those are both options we're looking into now. It's funny how women shit on each other on this forum. You insult me for things I did not really do and then try to play nice at the end. There are some really sick people on this forum and I am staying away from now onwards.
You were rude from the get-go. First posters suggested your DH stay home with your child, you freaked out. Well, what about a doula with you while DH stays home, we asked? You clapped back again. Another said to bring in friends/family. You said family is overseas. Okay, but what about close friends? (That's right, you probably don't have any). People shat on you because you shat on people offering solutions first.
Anonymous
05/15/2019 22:37
Subject: How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends
OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.
You are the one who decided to move while 8 or 9 months pregnant. We aren’t the bad ones for pointing out that you e put yourself in a pretty bad situation. Either make friends, fly a family member in, or hire a babysitter. You asked, why shoot the messenger? (Also, insane pregnant people are the WORST!)
Yeah OP is definitely the insane one on this thread...uh huh.
I moved at 8 months pregnant with my first and am likely to move at 4-6 months with my second. Sometimes life is complicated and there are not ideal choices, especially in an area like this with so many transplants. We have family about 1.5 hours away we could ask for help if we have enough time and warning, but births don't always go that way, and that is a BIG ask for new neighborhood friends, I wouldn't do it. Can we admit this can be a tough problem worth considering alternatives and not insult OP for not having a perfect life with a perfect local support system?
OP here. I have no idea where people are getting that I moved at 8 months pregnant. I am only 4 months.
OP, you are being very childish and difficult. Your original post suggested you wouldn't have time for arranging family or friends to come or to make friends locally or to develop a relationship with a trusted sitter. You have 4-5 months left, and can do any one of these things. I think a trusted sitter/nanny and/or doula would be the best if you think the due date isn't certain given DC #1's birth.
OP here. I don't why it's so hard for people to understand that family or friends are not an option. Yes I shot that down because again it's not an option. Our family lives abroad and they cannot be here. I never shot down a babysitter or a doula. Those are both options we're looking into now. It's funny how women shit on each other on this forum. You insult me for things I did not really do and then try to play nice at the end. There are some really sick people on this forum and I am staying away from now onwards.
Nobody shits on you. The entire thread boils down to 2 words: "hired help". That's all. You do you. Why do you feel compelled to bicker over this if it's so obvious? You thought there is another, magic Santa Claus for free type of solution in America that others are using? Nope.
Anonymous
05/15/2019 17:55
Subject: How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends
OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.
You are the one who decided to move while 8 or 9 months pregnant. We aren’t the bad ones for pointing out that you e put yourself in a pretty bad situation. Either make friends, fly a family member in, or hire a babysitter. You asked, why shoot the messenger? (Also, insane pregnant people are the WORST!)
Yeah OP is definitely the insane one on this thread...uh huh.
I moved at 8 months pregnant with my first and am likely to move at 4-6 months with my second. Sometimes life is complicated and there are not ideal choices, especially in an area like this with so many transplants. We have family about 1.5 hours away we could ask for help if we have enough time and warning, but births don't always go that way, and that is a BIG ask for new neighborhood friends, I wouldn't do it. Can we admit this can be a tough problem worth considering alternatives and not insult OP for not having a perfect life with a perfect local support system?
OP here. I have no idea where people are getting that I moved at 8 months pregnant. I am only 4 months.
OP, you are being very childish and difficult. Your original post suggested you wouldn't have time for arranging family or friends to come or to make friends locally or to develop a relationship with a trusted sitter. You have 4-5 months left, and can do any one of these things. I think a trusted sitter/nanny and/or doula would be the best if you think the due date isn't certain given DC #1's birth.
OP here. I don't why it's so hard for people to understand that family or friends are not an option. Yes I shot that down because again it's not an option. Our family lives abroad and they cannot be here. I never shot down a babysitter or a doula. Those are both options we're looking into now. It's funny how women shit on each other on this forum. You insult me for things I did not really do and then try to play nice at the end. There are some really sick people on this forum and I am staying away from now onwards.
Yes, people were rude to you OP, but you were equally rude to them. You're the one who felt compelled to post here to get the obvious answer which is: "if you have no local friends or families and need childcare, you look for a sitter."
Anonymous
05/15/2019 17:39
Subject: How to find childcare for birth when you have no family or friends nearby?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:and take this as a warning, Op, that you really need to be making more of an effort to make friends
OP here. OMG you guys are seriously crazy. I moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. I am getting shit on because I don't have friends and apparently it's no big deal to give birth alone. Wow. Thanks so much for the advice.
You are the one who decided to move while 8 or 9 months pregnant. We aren’t the bad ones for pointing out that you e put yourself in a pretty bad situation. Either make friends, fly a family member in, or hire a babysitter. You asked, why shoot the messenger? (Also, insane pregnant people are the WORST!)
Yeah OP is definitely the insane one on this thread...uh huh.
I moved at 8 months pregnant with my first and am likely to move at 4-6 months with my second. Sometimes life is complicated and there are not ideal choices, especially in an area like this with so many transplants. We have family about 1.5 hours away we could ask for help if we have enough time and warning, but births don't always go that way, and that is a BIG ask for new neighborhood friends, I wouldn't do it. Can we admit this can be a tough problem worth considering alternatives and not insult OP for not having a perfect life with a perfect local support system?
OP here. I have no idea where people are getting that I moved at 8 months pregnant. I am only 4 months.
OP, you are being very childish and difficult. Your original post suggested you wouldn't have time for arranging family or friends to come or to make friends locally or to develop a relationship with a trusted sitter. You have 4-5 months left, and can do any one of these things. I think a trusted sitter/nanny and/or doula would be the best if you think the due date isn't certain given DC #1's birth.
OP here. I don't why it's so hard for people to understand that family or friends are not an option. Yes I shot that down because again it's not an option. Our family lives abroad and they cannot be here. I never shot down a babysitter or a doula. Those are both options we're looking into now. It's funny how women shit on each other on this forum. You insult me for things I did not really do and then try to play nice at the end. There are some really sick people on this forum and I am staying away from now onwards.