Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

See, here's the thing. If you have three or four kids it's because you CHOSE to, and if someone else has one because they CHOSE to and have more time than you as a result, then good for THEM -- not good for you. They have every right to be annoyed that you expect them to assist you for making a different choice.

Well said PP
This has related to carpooling and kids' activities and now I am hearing similar about college tuition
"but we have 4 college tuitions coming up so we deserve aid !"
No one owes you anything just because you chose to have multiple children

All of this +100. I have one kid. I am MORE than willing to help when I can. HOWEVER, I am not interested in having to regularly watch, supervise, drive, feed, whatever 2-3 kids. Thats why I only had ONE kid. My free time is mine to do with as I want, it is not YOURS because you need it because you are super busy juggling all your kids. Not trying to be ugly, but it is a thing and I am SO SO over people assuming I have one kid so I should be more helpful to THEM. ugh.

+1000. I feel the same way about being outside with my kid and all of a sudden the neighbor kids come out because the mom saw that I was outside so they’d be supervised and she doesn’t have to come out. So now instead of playing catch with my kid, I’m supervising 4 kids who all aren’t old enough to be outside unsupervised. The mom never sends her kids out without an adult so I know she’s not ok with them playing outside alone, but she assumes I don’t mind watching hers since we’re already outside.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

See, here's the thing. If you have three or four kids it's because you CHOSE to, and if someone else has one because they CHOSE to and have more time than you as a result, then good for THEM -- not good for you. They have every right to be annoyed that you expect them to assist you for making a different choice.

Well said PP
This has related to carpooling and kids' activities and now I am hearing similar about college tuition
"but we have 4 college tuitions coming up so we deserve aid !"
No one owes you anything just because you chose to have multiple children

All of this +100. I have one kid. I am MORE than willing to help when I can. HOWEVER, I am not interested in having to regularly watch, supervise, drive, feed, whatever 2-3 kids. Thats why I only had ONE kid. My free time is mine to do with as I want, it is not YOURS because you need it because you are super busy juggling all your kids. Not trying to be ugly, but it is a thing and I am SO SO over people assuming I have one kid so I should be more helpful to THEM. ugh.

+1

I’ve never encountered this in my years as a sahm. Maybe time for some new friends?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

See, here's the thing. If you have three or four kids it's because you CHOSE to, and if someone else has one because they CHOSE to and have more time than you as a result, then good for THEM -- not good for you. They have every right to be annoyed that you expect them to assist you for making a different choice.

Well said PP
This has related to carpooling and kids' activities and now I am hearing similar about college tuition
"but we have 4 college tuitions coming up so we deserve aid !"
No one owes you anything just because you chose to have multiple children

All of this +100. I have one kid. I am MORE than willing to help when I can. HOWEVER, I am not interested in having to regularly watch, supervise, drive, feed, whatever 2-3 kids. Thats why I only had ONE kid. My free time is mine to do with as I want, it is not YOURS because you need it because you are super busy juggling all your kids. Not trying to be ugly, but it is a thing and I am SO SO over people assuming I have one kid so I should be more helpful to THEM. ugh.

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

This post is rude and marginalizing and it is often how a person who usually takes and never gives back would respond. When called on their selfishness it is always the other person who is overwhelmed and needs to relax. I know the type well and am better at spotting it now after many years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

This is not a thing. The same parents who think it’s NBD for a SAHM to drive their kids will cry bloody murder at the idea of their nanny watching another child. These parents are the first to condemn anyone for asking for free babysitting if there is ever even an occasional request for reciprocity.

It doesn’t sound like you know many people with nannies. Even if you e watched their kid on a snow day and given them rides, if you ever dare ask that their nanny pick up your kid ONE time you will get a bill or a lecture about free babysitting.

OP, the sooner you minimize contact with these people, the better.

you need to take a valium.

Feeling defensive much?

No. Do you. I don't get worked up over little things all day long.

On the scale of 1 to 10 this is like a 1. But OP is probably bored and lacks intellectual stimulation and DCUM is her outlet.

Yet another woman who is insecure with her choice. Plus it's pretty funny that YOU'RE on DCUM talking about someone else's lack of intellectual stimulation. Pot, meet kettle.

I love to get you girls all riled up. it's such a hoot, something to do waiting in the doctors office to be seen. Girl, you need to get a little more self confidence if a complete stranger on the internet can get you all worked up.

But really... it's still a 1 out of 10.

DP to YOU it is a one out of 10. Not everyone is you. Get it?

True it’s not a 1 for the princess and the pea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a SAH WOH thing.

If you have kids going to events on the same day you need help, especially if your H travels or gets home late.

It all works out in the end.

Say no if you can’t and ask for help when you need it.

Then organize a carpool, don’t just ask another parent to be your kid’s chauffeur. Why is this so hard to understand?

Yeah, this. BTW I find it cute that the PP presumes only husbands/dads travel or work late. In my house and many others in the 21st century, that is part of the reality for both working parents, mom and dad. But we make a point to ensure that one of is available to drive our kids to any extracurriculars that we've agreed for them to do (or alternatively have a babysitter who drives.)

She said your... clearly indicating she is speaking to OP... her H works.

The fact is that this is not a WOH vs SAH issue,

There are takers and flakes in both arenas.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM of one, and I’m so tired of people assuming it’s no big deal for me to schlep their kids around town for them. Stop assuming we don’t have anything going on and it’s just so fun for us to bring your kid home or take them to dance class for you, just because we don’t work or don’t have as many kids as you. I’m this close to finishing off the year by asking each and every one of these moms to be my kid’s personal chauffeur, because what’s one more? Did I mention they are never really appreciative and downright offended when you decline? So done.

Oh stop. Being a SAHM has nothing to do with it. I work Full-Time but am always one of the go to volunteers in the school, sports, etc. Because I'm always there, people also ask me to "schlep their kids around town for them."

And you know what? I generally do it. Because I am there all the time. What's the big deal? When I ask for reciprocation, it's almost never declined.

If you don't want to do it, then just say no. But, stop being a martyr about it. Try being kind and realize you may need help at some point.

Both scenarios exist. Do you remember the beginning of “While You Were Sleeping”, when everybody was treating her Christmas as less important than theirs? Just a silly movie, but that part was realistic.

I get where OP is coming from. It is terrible to be taken advantage of, but, here is another way to look at it.

The universe has blessed you that you are in a position to help rather than in a position to need help. I would rather that I keep helping others and the universe does seem to make it happen.

Karmically, it is better to have people owing you favors, even if they seem to be ungrateful or don't reciprocate. The universe reciprocates on their behalf.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

See, here's the thing. If you have three or four kids it's because you CHOSE to, and if someone else has one because they CHOSE to and have more time than you as a result, then good for THEM -- not good for you. They have every right to be annoyed that you expect them to assist you for making a different choice.

Well said PP
This has related to carpooling and kids' activities and now I am hearing similar about college tuition
"but we have 4 college tuitions coming up so we deserve aid !"
No one owes you anything just because you chose to have multiple children

+1

Not PP nor OP. And I would have bolded the “not good for you” part too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

We have done so and it was because the kid was a huge brat. Sorry if that was your kid and you were annoyed!

Well, that's a different situation, isn't it? Did you TELL them that was the reason? Or just secretly judge them and their kid, and revel in how clever you were to pull one over on them?

DP Why on earth would the pp tell you that your kid is a brat? I'm sure you know this already! It is not the pp's job to tell you the obvious nor is it her job to drive your child. How awkward would it be as neighbors if you were told that your kid is a brat. Most parents wouldn't react well and take it out on the messenger, not the kid. So if the pp wanted a friendly neighbor vibe that would go out the window because now you really know what they think of your kid.

Who cares if they are silently judging your kid? If you don't know about it than it doesn't hurt you? We all silently judge each other. The problem is when they share the judgement!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

See, here's the thing. If you have three or four kids it's because you CHOSE to, and if someone else has one because they CHOSE to and have more time than you as a result, then good for THEM -- not good for you. They have every right to be annoyed that you expect them to assist you for making a different choice.

Well said PP
This has related to carpooling and kids' activities and now I am hearing similar about college tuition
"but we have 4 college tuitions coming up so we deserve aid !"
No one owes you anything just because you chose to have multiple children

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

I'm a pp who has agreed with OP's complaints. I actually agree with you. But some people really do just take take take, without ever intending to repay the favor. Also, there's something unseemly about someone who consistently pushes their responsibilities onto others for no other reason than laziness.

+1.

Again, this is a different spin on the issue. If someone is not reciprocating when you ask for it, after taking their kids all over town, the selfish parent who won't reciprocate is the issue.

The OP only said she thought about asking people to reciprocate. Not that she did and people declined.

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

+1
I will "carpool" with someone, when it means I am driving your kid only, one or two times. If you do not then offer to reciprocate after that then that is it for me driving your kid.

pretend to be drunk