Anonymous wrote:Upper middle class families don't declare bankruptcy or almost have their house foreclosed upon. Something in your story doesn't add up.

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the responses, it's easy to guess which posters have asked for money from relatives, and which posters have been asked for money.
In my experience, those who ask for money for non-essentials and non-emergencies are pretty lousy about paying it back... they were lousy with money in the first place, and feel entitled to spend your hard-earned money.
OP- you already know that it isn't a good idea, and you know you will feel resentful. And never let your sister play the ,"but you only have one child" card...she could have stopped at the number of kids she could actually afford to support.

This!

NP. Agreed x 100. I would send job listings instead of money.

Some trashy men don't allow women to work. That whole I'm the 'man of the house/provider' thing. It's not as cut and dry as OP's sister is just lazy. If she tried to get a job, maybe the 'macho' loser husband would make her life a living hell.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is almost two years old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the responses, it's easy to guess which posters have asked for money from relatives, and which posters have been asked for money.
In my experience, those who ask for money for non-essentials and non-emergencies are pretty lousy about paying it back... they were lousy with money in the first place, and feel entitled to spend your hard-earned money.
OP- you already know that it isn't a good idea, and you know you will feel resentful. And never let your sister play the ,"but you only have one child" card...she could have stopped at the number of kids she could actually afford to support.

This!

NP. Agreed x 100. I would send job listings instead of money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the responses, it's easy to guess which posters have asked for money from relatives, and which posters have been asked for money.
In my experience, those who ask for money for non-essentials and non-emergencies are pretty lousy about paying it back... they were lousy with money in the first place, and feel entitled to spend your hard-earned money.
OP- you already know that it isn't a good idea, and you know you will feel resentful. And never let your sister play the ,"but you only have one child" card...she could have stopped at the number of kids she could actually afford to support.

This!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

As someone in a very similar situation, I genuinely wish my sister and her husband would ask my husband and I for this. We would eagerly pay for private education for their children. My sister and her husband are too damn dumb and stubborn to ask. They care more about reality television than their kids' shitty local schools. Their kids are turning into dull underachievers like most teens in their orbit. It's so sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

As someone in a very similar situation, I genuinely wish my sister and her husband would ask my husband and I for this. We would eagerly pay for private education for their children. My sister and her husband are too damn dumb and stubborn to ask. They care more about reality television than their kids' shitty local schools. Their kids are turning into dull underachievers like most teens in their orbit. It's so sad.

Why don’t you offer if it’s something you want to do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

As someone in a very similar situation, I genuinely wish my sister and her husband would ask my husband and I for this. We would eagerly pay for private education for their children. My sister and her husband are too damn dumb and stubborn to ask. They care more about reality television than their kids' shitty local schools. Their kids are turning into dull underachievers like most teens in their orbit. It's so sad.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would help the children. We pay tuition for two of our nephews. Their parents make very bad choices and, frankly, are lousy parents. We pay the tuition and provide other support to try to help the children have better lives.

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?