Anonymous wrote:OP, have your doctors said that there is no chance that this is a normal variation? I know it’s hard not to focus on the worst case scenarios, but if they haven’t explicitly said that there is no chance of this (or if you have not asked this—in which case you should), don’t rule it out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I know this is all very new (and that CHA has health issues apart from the gender issues) but I wonder if you'd be helped by reading about intersex and gender issues in general. The fact is, gender in the animal kingdom (including humans) has never really been wholly binary! In many ways your child (if they are CAH) is extremely lucky to be born today, when we know so much more about gender differences and are more accepting. I can understand it's a shock, but it's going to be OK and will open your mind to a whole new world of information and ways of seeing categories that you formerly thought were entirely fixed.

I've been doing a good bit of this, and it's been helpful and enlightening to some extent - I've certainly learned a lot about all the different ways people's development can and does diverge from what we consider the binary "norm." Even as a pretty progressive and well-educated person, I've had my eyes opened to a lot. On the other hand though, I've also encountered a lot of very fraught debate about the right way to raise a child who has a condition like this, arguments about whether corrective surgery is reasonable or beneficial or selfish or barbaric, and wading into those issues knowing I'll have decisions to make about those things in the future is what's contributing to a lot of my stress. It'd be helpful for me to hear from other parents on DCUM who've confronted those kinds of questions, or similar ones, but I know there may not be any folks like that since these conditions are somewhat rare.

I'm dealing with a different condition in my kid, but somewhat parallels in that it makes him different, but not different in a way that necessarily requires intervention (aw, will just spell it out: it's high-functioning autism). One thing that has helped so much is to read blogs and articles by adults with autism to understand how the view the world and things that grown-ups did to "help" them, some of which were perceived as abusive and harsh (like trying to force kids not to move their hands so as not to appear different). I suggest you do the same for intersex people -- read what they have to say about themselves. And yeah, it is certainly eye-opening to learn more about gender. Interesting tidbit is that Dr. Kinsey, who did ground-breaking work in the varieties of adult sexuality, started out as a biologist studying insect morphology -- he realized that humans, like the rest of the natural world, vary in may aspects and cannot be fitted into binaries. https://nature.berkeley.edu/blackmanlab/Blackman_Lab/Lab_News/Entries/2014/2/7_Bloom_of_the_Week_-.html

I also highly recommend this series of podcasts on gender from Radiolab! https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/radiolab/projects/radiolab-presents-gonads

I mean, Autism is not in any way similar to this situation. At all. You are talking about something physical versus neurological. It's just not a realistic comparison.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I know this is all very new (and that CHA has health issues apart from the gender issues) but I wonder if you'd be helped by reading about intersex and gender issues in general. The fact is, gender in the animal kingdom (including humans) has never really been wholly binary! In many ways your child (if they are CAH) is extremely lucky to be born today, when we know so much more about gender differences and are more accepting. I can understand it's a shock, but it's going to be OK and will open your mind to a whole new world of information and ways of seeing categories that you formerly thought were entirely fixed.

I've been doing a good bit of this, and it's been helpful and enlightening to some extent - I've certainly learned a lot about all the different ways people's development can and does diverge from what we consider the binary "norm." Even as a pretty progressive and well-educated person, I've had my eyes opened to a lot. On the other hand though, I've also encountered a lot of very fraught debate about the right way to raise a child who has a condition like this, arguments about whether corrective surgery is reasonable or beneficial or selfish or barbaric, and wading into those issues knowing I'll have decisions to make about those things in the future is what's contributing to a lot of my stress. It'd be helpful for me to hear from other parents on DCUM who've confronted those kinds of questions, or similar ones, but I know there may not be any folks like that since these conditions are somewhat rare.

I'm dealing with a different condition in my kid, but somewhat parallels in that it makes him different, but not different in a way that necessarily requires intervention (aw, will just spell it out: it's high-functioning autism). One thing that has helped so much is to read blogs and articles by adults with autism to understand how the view the world and things that grown-ups did to "help" them, some of which were perceived as abusive and harsh (like trying to force kids not to move their hands so as not to appear different). I suggest you do the same for intersex people -- read what they have to say about themselves. And yeah, it is certainly eye-opening to learn more about gender. Interesting tidbit is that Dr. Kinsey, who did ground-breaking work in the varieties of adult sexuality, started out as a biologist studying insect morphology -- he realized that humans, like the rest of the natural world, vary in may aspects and cannot be fitted into binaries. https://nature.berkeley.edu/blackmanlab/Blackman_Lab/Lab_News/Entries/2014/2/7_Bloom_of_the_Week_-.html

I also highly recommend this series of podcasts on gender from Radiolab! https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/radiolab/projects/radiolab-presents-gonads

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I know this is all very new (and that CHA has health issues apart from the gender issues) but I wonder if you'd be helped by reading about intersex and gender issues in general. The fact is, gender in the animal kingdom (including humans) has never really been wholly binary! In many ways your child (if they are CAH) is extremely lucky to be born today, when we know so much more about gender differences and are more accepting. I can understand it's a shock, but it's going to be OK and will open your mind to a whole new world of information and ways of seeing categories that you formerly thought were entirely fixed.

I've been doing a good bit of this, and it's been helpful and enlightening to some extent - I've certainly learned a lot about all the different ways people's development can and does diverge from what we consider the binary "norm." Even as a pretty progressive and well-educated person, I've had my eyes opened to a lot. On the other hand though, I've also encountered a lot of very fraught debate about the right way to raise a child who has a condition like this, arguments about whether corrective surgery is reasonable or beneficial or selfish or barbaric, and wading into those issues knowing I'll have decisions to make about those things in the future is what's contributing to a lot of my stress. It'd be helpful for me to hear from other parents on DCUM who've confronted those kinds of questions, or similar ones, but I know there may not be any folks like that since these conditions are somewhat rare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I know this is all very new (and that CHA has health issues apart from the gender issues) but I wonder if you'd be helped by reading about intersex and gender issues in general. The fact is, gender in the animal kingdom (including humans) has never really been wholly binary! In many ways your child (if they are CAH) is extremely lucky to be born today, when we know so much more about gender differences and are more accepting. I can understand it's a shock, but it's going to be OK and will open your mind to a whole new world of information and ways of seeing categories that you formerly thought were entirely fixed.

I've been doing a good bit of this, and it's been helpful and enlightening to some extent - I've certainly learned a lot about all the different ways people's development can and does diverge from what we consider the binary "norm." Even as a pretty progressive and well-educated person, I've had my eyes opened to a lot. On the other hand though, I've also encountered a lot of very fraught debate about the right way to raise a child who has a condition like this, arguments about whether corrective surgery is reasonable or beneficial or selfish or barbaric, and wading into those issues knowing I'll have decisions to make about those things in the future is what's contributing to a lot of my stress. It'd be helpful for me to hear from other parents on DCUM who've confronted those kinds of questions, or similar ones, but I know there may not be any folks like that since these conditions are somewhat rare.

But isn't the baby genetically a female with just enlarged genitalia? It does sound stressful for you at this point but fully treatable once baby comes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I know this is all very new (and that CHA has health issues apart from the gender issues) but I wonder if you'd be helped by reading about intersex and gender issues in general. The fact is, gender in the animal kingdom (including humans) has never really been wholly binary! In many ways your child (if they are CAH) is extremely lucky to be born today, when we know so much more about gender differences and are more accepting. I can understand it's a shock, but it's going to be OK and will open your mind to a whole new world of information and ways of seeing categories that you formerly thought were entirely fixed.

I've been doing a good bit of this, and it's been helpful and enlightening to some extent - I've certainly learned a lot about all the different ways people's development can and does diverge from what we consider the binary "norm." Even as a pretty progressive and well-educated person, I've had my eyes opened to a lot. On the other hand though, I've also encountered a lot of very fraught debate about the right way to raise a child who has a condition like this, arguments about whether corrective surgery is reasonable or beneficial or selfish or barbaric, and wading into those issues knowing I'll have decisions to make about those things in the future is what's contributing to a lot of my stress. It'd be helpful for me to hear from other parents on DCUM who've confronted those kinds of questions, or similar ones, but I know there may not be any folks like that since these conditions are somewhat rare.

Anonymous wrote:OP I know this is all very new (and that CHA has health issues apart from the gender issues) but I wonder if you'd be helped by reading about intersex and gender issues in general. The fact is, gender in the animal kingdom (including humans) has never really been wholly binary! In many ways your child (if they are CAH) is extremely lucky to be born today, when we know so much more about gender differences and are more accepting. I can understand it's a shock, but it's going to be OK and will open your mind to a whole new world of information and ways of seeing categories that you formerly thought were entirely fixed.