I've asked my own kids (ages 10, 14, and 16) to please take care of my brother and his wife in their old age, since they have no children. (My brother and his wife are perfectly fine now at 52 years of ago, but I'm planning way ahead for the future).

I feel that we should teach our children to care for relatives (beyond just their parents).

On a side note, if a person does not have children, maybe they are less likely to be poor, since they have more time to work and earn money? So they would have some money to help with their old age?

I'm a childless widow in my 50s, and am piling up the dough so that a) I can afford a good continuing care-type setup when the time comes and b) I have a better chance of at least one of my nieces or nephews (who are all good kids) keeping an eye on me with the notion that they might be rewarded for their good deeds.

Seriously, though, I'm on depression and anti-anxiety meds mainly to stop thinking about what my old lady life will be like. I try to make myself feel better that since 10 years ago none of us could have predicted the world we're living in now, how can I imagine what growing old will be like 20 or 30 years from now? Or maybe I'll croak in a skydiving accident. Best thing I can do is be sure I am financially set to weather whatever, which is what gives me a leg up on 99% of the rest of the people in my situation.

But if the only reason I would have had kids was to have someone to look after me, that would have sucked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

Because she never valued unpaid labor.

You still sound like the asshole here

Because I won’t wipe her butt?

Yep. You sound pretty self righteous, and it's disgusting and gross. I bet you haven't told your husband how you feel, using the exact same words as above. You know he'd kick your ass to the curb ASAP.

No, he wouldn’t because I am a caregiver to our SN child and have been his caregiver through several surgeries. He knows his mother hasn’t been there for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

Because she never valued unpaid labor.

You still sound like the asshole here

Because I won’t wipe her butt?

Yep. You sound pretty self righteous, and it's disgusting and gross. I bet you haven't told your husband how you feel, using the exact same words as above. You know he'd kick your ass to the curb ASAP.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know but I hope I die before I become a burden. I have 1 son and I don’t think he is going to take care of me (judging by his 9 yo personality).
I hope there is assisted suicide by then too.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Have you guys read the other forum about helping aged parents who didn't care to save for their old age? The scorn and resentment from the so-called children makes me think it's so laughable that people on this thread think childless LMC/working class people are the ones who will be bereft in old age.

DCUM is not representative of the country.

Have you guys read the other forum about helping aged parents who didn't care to save for their old age? The scorn and resentment from the so-called children makes me think it's so laughable that people on this thread think childless LMC/working class people are the ones who will be bereft in old age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

Because she never valued unpaid labor.

You still sound like the asshole here

Because I won’t wipe her butt?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childless people like my Aunt have siblings and nieces and nephews

But my grandmother's siblings are all dead. And do nieces and nephews really provide the same kind of loving care that a child would?

Often but not always a childless person may have a very special relationship with nieces and nephews that is not typical of someone with their own kids. I know my sister does. And I know several other childless women in their 40’s who are extremely close with nieces or newlywed. Not sure how that relationship will be when the nieces and nephews are adults but I do imagine my own kids would care for my sister in her old age in much the way they would for DH and me.

I was raised by my aunt so I can attest to this. Problem is I moved halfway across the world and I resent her pleas for me to come back and work in my home country. I don't ever wish to emotionally blackmail anyone to care for me in my old age. I will probably choose assisted suicide.

She raised you. She didn't have to do that.

That's exactly the emotional blackmail I'm talking about. I can't tell you the number of times over the years she said she wished she'd given me up to the foster system when I wasn't willing to conform to whatever she wanted. I had such an unpleasant upbringing and although my life worked out, it's worn me down. I'm 30 and I feel twenty years older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

My elderly Mother needed me to wipe her butt. Gladly. I am grateful to be able to care for her, assist her, pat her sweet head, rub her aching shoulders, drive her to her med treatments as she suffers a terminal disease. I am happy to be in her presence and return the love she gives to me. My brothers and SIL are doing the same caring for her in turns to assist our father.

That is so lovely, pp. I feel the same way about my mom.

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

My elderly Mother needed me to wipe her butt. Gladly. I am grateful to be able to care for her, assist her, pat her sweet head, rub her aching shoulders, drive her to her med treatments as she suffers a terminal disease. I am happy to be in her presence and return the love she gives to me. My brothers and SIL are doing the same caring for her in turns to assist our father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

I think your brother is going to leave all the eldercare to you. It's a rare man who doesn't leave care work to a woman. I learned from DCUM.

It is a rare man who is not the breadwinner for his family, and who can thus afford to drop all that to become a "caregiver".

They do exist but it is usually up to the woman whether she wants to provide unpaid labor to their parents. Not surprisingly, her parents (if they were good to her and DH) will get priority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childless people like my Aunt have siblings and nieces and nephews

But my grandmother's siblings are all dead. And do nieces and nephews really provide the same kind of loving care that a child would?

Often but not always a childless person may have a very special relationship with nieces and nephews that is not typical of someone with their own kids. I know my sister does. And I know several other childless women in their 40’s who are extremely close with nieces or newlywed. Not sure how that relationship will be when the nieces and nephews are adults but I do imagine my own kids would care for my sister in her old age in much the way they would for DH and me.

I was raised by my aunt so I can attest to this. Problem is I moved halfway across the world and I resent her pleas for me to come back and work in my home country. I don't ever wish to emotionally blackmail anyone to care for me in my old age. I will probably choose assisted suicide.

She raised you. She didn't have to do that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childless people like my Aunt have siblings and nieces and nephews

But my grandmother's siblings are all dead. And do nieces and nephews really provide the same kind of loving care that a child would?

Often but not always a childless person may have a very special relationship with nieces and nephews that is not typical of someone with their own kids. I know my sister does. And I know several other childless women in their 40’s who are extremely close with nieces or newlywed. Not sure how that relationship will be when the nieces and nephews are adults but I do imagine my own kids would care for my sister in her old age in much the way they would for DH and me.

I was raised by my aunt so I can attest to this. Problem is I moved halfway across the world and I resent her pleas for me to come back and work in my home country. I don't ever wish to emotionally blackmail anyone to care for me in my old age. I will probably choose assisted suicide.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 91 year old mom won’t let me wipe her bottom yet but I’ll be there when she needs me to, as will my brother. She was there for me when I had to go on bed rest for two months, taking care of me and DH and even the dog. MIL thanked my mom, cooed over the babies and ran off to her sales job. I’ll never wipe her butt and she won’t be able to afford to pay for the kind of help she expects in her old age.

Because she went to work?

I think your brother is going to leave all the eldercare to you. It's a rare man who doesn't leave care work to a woman. I learned from DCUM.

It is a rare man who is not the breadwinner for his family, and who can thus afford to drop all that to become a "caregiver".