You may want to read this. I found this when I was looking for something entirely else but that explains a lot about many couples that do not realize that a husband might be Asperger's
This study used a rich interview protocol to develop a theoretical model representing communications between neurotypical (NT) and AS partners, which the authors have called the “prompt dependency cycle”. This cycle occurs through repeated attempts by the NT partner to prompt reciprocal interaction from their AS partner, followed by avoidance or blocking of interaction by the AS partner.
Abstract
Reciprocal communication between couples is central to sustaining strong intimate relationships. Given that Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) affects communication and social reciprocity, adults with this disorder are vulnerable to experiencing difficulties in relating to their “neurotypical” (NT) partner. As reported in a previous paper, prompt dependency was found to be a compensatory mechanism for some of the communication difficulties within AS-NT relationships. This paper draws on the same data-set to describe the impact of prompt dependency on AS-NT relationships. The research reported here is also used to derive a theoretical model that illustrates how a cycle of prompt dependency results in a communication “roundabout” for partners. Implications for practice and further research are discussed.
Everyday interpersonal interactions are critical for sustaining intimate relationships. However, people with ASD Level 1 (Asperger’s Syndrome, AS) are concrete, literal communicators who usually do not have the same connectedness needs as others. Accordingly, they often remain unaware of the reciprocal interaction and affection needs of significant people in their lives. This study used a rich interview protocol to develop a theoretical model representing communications between neurotypical (NT) and AS partners, which the authors have called the “prompt dependency cycle”. This cycle occurs through repeated attempts by the NT partner to prompt reciprocal interaction from their AS partner, followed by avoidance or blocking of interaction by the AS partner. Understanding how cycles of communication arise and are sustained through interaction between AS and NT partners is a critical first step in developing effective clinical interventions for couples experiencing these communication problems.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/23311908.2017.1283828