Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian woman here: Sounds like you married an Indian male! Many were spoiled by mothers who did everything for them. This is too bad, but not too early to prevent in your children. My DH is not indian, but a complete equal partner. I have been the breadwinner for many years. He makes lunches, does drop off, etc. I do cleaning but he is very neat and doesdishes and laundry.

Since you’re a doctor, you can definitely justify more housekeeping and outsourcing expenses. As the kids get older you may need sitter to take them to activities, something we are considering too.

I'm an Indian woman married to a caucasian man and my husband is just like OPs, so.....no.

Anonymous wrote:
Thawed frozen sandwiches are gross. Just make them the night before. Or give them cheese sticks and crackers and fruit. Sandwiches are not required!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Indian woman here: Sounds like you married an Indian male! Many were spoiled by mothers who did everything for them. This is too bad, but not too early to prevent in your children. My DH is not indian, but a complete equal partner. I have been the breadwinner for many years. He makes lunches, does drop off, etc. I do cleaning but he is very neat and doesdishes and laundry.

Since you’re a doctor, you can definitely justify more housekeeping and outsourcing expenses. As the kids get older you may need sitter to take them to activities, something we are considering too.

So according to your backwards mentality, working mothers who do not have careers at the same caliber as a physician can not justify housekeeping and outsourcing expenses?

I don't think the poster is backwards. Maybe "justify" was a bad choice of words, but the point is simply that a physician makes more money and more likely to be able to afford things like housekeeping, gardeners, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again--this really blew up! I appreciate getting so much helpful feedback!

I wanted to clarify that I am not a doctor and I make a fraction of what an MD makes (50% at best). We make enough to afford bimonthly cleaners and this has been a longstanding discussion/argument between me and DH. At this point, I don't feel I have it in me to go another round.

Also, I have definitely considered after care many, many times and what has held me back is that I negotiated my current schedule with the understanding that this would be a 40 hr/week arrangement. I have really resented the job creep and the fact that I work far more than 40 hours, hence have resisted trying to get into aftercare. But that said, it's a moot point for the next 6 months bc there is already a wait list at our school.

I did sign kids up for enrichment 1 day/week which means I don't have to run out of work every single day, starting next month, and am hoping to use that time to catch up as much as possible.

I mentioned in a prior post that DH does all of our laundry (mine included), makes dinner on weekends, runs/empties the dishwasher some mornings...I agree that I do more, but he's stepped it up. We do online grocery ordering, Amazon Prime, and takeout once a week.

I am definitely looking into more meal prep on weekends! And I wish I could say that I look amazing but the 5 days a week of working out is much more for my sanity than my body

They should be in aftercare regardless of whether you negotiate a 40 hr-week schedule. You agreeing to do a radically early flex time in order to pick them up from school is only screwing yourself over -- you don't get a part-time job OR childcare. 40 hrs is fulltime. You shouldn't attempt to work full time AND do childcare.

+1 And you are also screwing over your kids in your attempt to be superwoman. At 2nd and 5th grade, they'll do better with 90-120 hours of aftercare with their peers than plopped in front of a tv while their mom is stressed out and trying to work.

At their ages, they don't need to be in front of the TV even if at home. They can read, play, do homework ...

Either way, I think a lot of OP's anxiety comes from rushing out at 3 or whatever to get the kids and feeling like work isn't done and leaving when the office is still in full swing. it might be better if she had the kids in aftercare, wrapped up her work at work, and then got the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again--this really blew up! I appreciate getting so much helpful feedback!

I wanted to clarify that I am not a doctor and I make a fraction of what an MD makes (50% at best). We make enough to afford bimonthly cleaners and this has been a longstanding discussion/argument between me and DH. At this point, I don't feel I have it in me to go another round.

Also, I have definitely considered after care many, many times and what has held me back is that I negotiated my current schedule with the understanding that this would be a 40 hr/week arrangement. I have really resented the job creep and the fact that I work far more than 40 hours, hence have resisted trying to get into aftercare. But that said, it's a moot point for the next 6 months bc there is already a wait list at our school.

I did sign kids up for enrichment 1 day/week which means I don't have to run out of work every single day, starting next month, and am hoping to use that time to catch up as much as possible.

I mentioned in a prior post that DH does all of our laundry (mine included), makes dinner on weekends, runs/empties the dishwasher some mornings...I agree that I do more, but he's stepped it up. We do online grocery ordering, Amazon Prime, and takeout once a week.

I am definitely looking into more meal prep on weekends! And I wish I could say that I look amazing but the 5 days a week of working out is much more for my sanity than my body

They should be in aftercare regardless of whether you negotiate a 40 hr-week schedule. You agreeing to do a radically early flex time in order to pick them up from school is only screwing yourself over -- you don't get a part-time job OR childcare. 40 hrs is fulltime. You shouldn't attempt to work full time AND do childcare.

+1 And you are also screwing over your kids in your attempt to be superwoman. At 2nd and 5th grade, they'll do better with 90-120 hours of aftercare with their peers than plopped in front of a tv while their mom is stressed out and trying to work.

At their ages, they don't need to be in front of the TV even if at home. They can read, play, do homework ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again--this really blew up! I appreciate getting so much helpful feedback!

I wanted to clarify that I am not a doctor and I make a fraction of what an MD makes (50% at best). We make enough to afford bimonthly cleaners and this has been a longstanding discussion/argument between me and DH. At this point, I don't feel I have it in me to go another round.

Also, I have definitely considered after care many, many times and what has held me back is that I negotiated my current schedule with the understanding that this would be a 40 hr/week arrangement. I have really resented the job creep and the fact that I work far more than 40 hours, hence have resisted trying to get into aftercare. But that said, it's a moot point for the next 6 months bc there is already a wait list at our school.

I did sign kids up for enrichment 1 day/week which means I don't have to run out of work every single day, starting next month, and am hoping to use that time to catch up as much as possible.

I mentioned in a prior post that DH does all of our laundry (mine included), makes dinner on weekends, runs/empties the dishwasher some mornings...I agree that I do more, but he's stepped it up. We do online grocery ordering, Amazon Prime, and takeout once a week.

I am definitely looking into more meal prep on weekends! And I wish I could say that I look amazing but the 5 days a week of working out is much more for my sanity than my body

They should be in aftercare regardless of whether you negotiate a 40 hr-week schedule. You agreeing to do a radically early flex time in order to pick them up from school is only screwing yourself over -- you don't get a part-time job OR childcare. 40 hrs is fulltime. You shouldn't attempt to work full time AND do childcare.

+1 And you are also screwing over your kids in your attempt to be superwoman. At 2nd and 5th grade, they'll do better with 90-120 hours of aftercare with their peers than plopped in front of a tv while their mom is stressed out and trying to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again--this really blew up! I appreciate getting so much helpful feedback!

I wanted to clarify that I am not a doctor and I make a fraction of what an MD makes (50% at best). We make enough to afford bimonthly cleaners and this has been a longstanding discussion/argument between me and DH. At this point, I don't feel I have it in me to go another round.

Also, I have definitely considered after care many, many times and what has held me back is that I negotiated my current schedule with the understanding that this would be a 40 hr/week arrangement. I have really resented the job creep and the fact that I work far more than 40 hours, hence have resisted trying to get into aftercare. But that said, it's a moot point for the next 6 months bc there is already a wait list at our school.

I did sign kids up for enrichment 1 day/week which means I don't have to run out of work every single day, starting next month, and am hoping to use that time to catch up as much as possible.

I mentioned in a prior post that DH does all of our laundry (mine included), makes dinner on weekends, runs/empties the dishwasher some mornings...I agree that I do more, but he's stepped it up. We do online grocery ordering, Amazon Prime, and takeout once a week.

I am definitely looking into more meal prep on weekends! And I wish I could say that I look amazing but the 5 days a week of working out is much more for my sanity than my body

They should be in aftercare regardless of whether you negotiate a 40 hr-week schedule. You agreeing to do a radically early flex time in order to pick them up from school is only screwing yourself over -- you don't get a part-time job OR childcare. 40 hrs is fulltime. You shouldn't attempt to work full time AND do childcare.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again--this really blew up! I appreciate getting so much helpful feedback!

I wanted to clarify that I am not a doctor and I make a fraction of what an MD makes (50% at best). We make enough to afford bimonthly cleaners and this has been a longstanding discussion/argument between me and DH. At this point, I don't feel I have it in me to go another round.

Also, I have definitely considered after care many, many times and what has held me back is that I negotiated my current schedule with the understanding that this would be a 40 hr/week arrangement. I have really resented the job creep and the fact that I work far more than 40 hours, hence have resisted trying to get into aftercare. But that said, it's a moot point for the next 6 months bc there is already a wait list at our school.

I did sign kids up for enrichment 1 day/week which means I don't have to run out of work every single day, starting next month, and am hoping to use that time to catch up as much as possible.

I mentioned in a prior post that DH does all of our laundry (mine included), makes dinner on weekends, runs/empties the dishwasher some mornings...I agree that I do more, but he's stepped it up. We do online grocery ordering, Amazon Prime, and takeout once a week.

I am definitely looking into more meal prep on weekends! And I wish I could say that I look amazing but the 5 days a week of working out is much more for my sanity than my body

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you're going to feed your kids thawed sandwiches without tomato lettuce or mayo, why not let them eat school lunch?

They can if they want. They can add some sliced tomatoes or lettuce in the morning if they want, or bring a packet of mayonnaise to add at school. Seriously the thawed sandwiches are perfectly fine.

Also you can grab a frozen sandwich and spread a little butter or mayo on the outside and grill it for a quick dinner, like if a kid needs something to eat before heading out to soccer or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess everyone missed where DH get the kids ready in the morning and takes them to school, so hence he works later hours?! And OP goes to gym early in the morning, and made it so that she is home with the kids in the afternoon? Some people just can't stop blaming the men for not doing dishes!!!

No we didn't miss it. Did you miss the part where OP does around 4 hours of childcare solo, but DH only does 1.5-2 hrs? He's only on duty from wakeup to drop off; she's on duty from around 3:30-7:30 when he rolls in. Plus, she makes 2 meals a day for the family and he apparently makes no family meals.

Anonymous wrote:I guess everyone missed where DH get the kids ready in the morning and takes them to school, so hence he works later hours?! And OP goes to gym early in the morning, and made it so that she is home with the kids in the afternoon? Some people just can't stop blaming the men for not doing dishes!!!

Anonymous wrote:Indian woman here: Sounds like you married an Indian male! Many were spoiled by mothers who did everything for them. This is too bad, but not too early to prevent in your children. My DH is not indian, but a complete equal partner. I have been the breadwinner for many years. He makes lunches, does drop off, etc. I do cleaning but he is very neat and doesdishes and laundry.

Since you’re a doctor, you can definitely justify more housekeeping and outsourcing expenses. As the kids get older you may need sitter to take them to activities, something we are considering too.