Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 18:27     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.


We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.


So you did have kids at the wedding. Maybe you haven’t been to a wedding in a while, but the recent trend is NO kids.

I don’t think anyone really believes that their friends from college should be bringing their kids. Get a babysitter or don’t come. Whatever. The issue is close relatives of the bride and groom, first cousins, nieces and nephews, etc. There are no longer flower girls or ring bearers, etc. And it is really inconvenient. Because when you are this close to the couple being married, 1) you have to go, 2) the people who would normally watch you kid will be there, and 3) you are expected to attend all of the pre-wedding rehearsals and things, so it’s a three day event, not an evening out.

Honestly, I think the OP is lucky that she had a set of grandparents willing to look after them. I had to cobble together three or four different people to cover during my sister’s wedding.


It's inconvenient no matter what. I'm going to my brother's wedding this weekend and my kids are invited and are attending, one is in the wedding. But we're still arranging childcare at the hotel because three year olds can't really hang.

If you have kids you have to deal with their limitations, one of which is not being invited to most weddings.

I really don't understand how entitled people are about weddings. They're doing what they're doing, you've been invited and the invitation spelled out what kind of wedding it's going to be (kid free, destination, dry brunch, whatever). Make a decision about whether or not that works for you and move on with your lives.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 18:23     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just RSVP no. I don’t understand the big deal. They get to make the rules for their event, you get to decide whether to go and follow them or stay home.

The last wedding we were invited to was DH’s out of state cousin and it was no kids for $$$ reasons. It was fine! We stayed home and sent a gift. No hard feelings on either side.


An out of state cousin is different from a sibling. You don’t think it would be a big deal if you didn’t go to your husbands sisters wedding because she didn’t invite your kids?
It would be a big deal in my family.


Depends if my sibling is in town where we have support or requires travel where there is no vetted babysitter to watch our special needs kid. If it was the latter, I’d go without souse and child. Again, I don’t see the big deal. My sister is across the country. If she has a no kids wedding, I’ll go and leave DH at home with DS.


And no one would say anything ever about how your DH wasn’t going to your sister’s wedding?
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 18:20     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Their day, their rules people. Like it or stay home.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 18:18     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Weddings ceased being about families a long time ago. It’s all about the bride and her special day. Huge wastes of money all to create some entitled bride’s image of the perfect day.


OP - I have to say objectively it is pretty ridiculous when your “barn wedding” is too fancy for your nephew and nieces.


EVERYTHING about “barn weddings” is ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 18:16     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:Weddings ceased being about families a long time ago. It’s all about the bride and her special day. Huge wastes of money all to create some entitled bride’s image of the perfect day.


OP - I have to say objectively it is pretty ridiculous when your “barn wedding” is too fancy for your nephew and nieces.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 18:08     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just RSVP no. I don’t understand the big deal. They get to make the rules for their event, you get to decide whether to go and follow them or stay home.

The last wedding we were invited to was DH’s out of state cousin and it was no kids for $$$ reasons. It was fine! We stayed home and sent a gift. No hard feelings on either side.


An out of state cousin is different from a sibling. You don’t think it would be a big deal if you didn’t go to your husbands sisters wedding because she didn’t invite your kids?
It would be a big deal in my family.


Depends if my sibling is in town where we have support or requires travel where there is no vetted babysitter to watch our special needs kid. If it was the latter, I’d go without souse and child. Again, I don’t see the big deal. My sister is across the country. If she has a no kids wedding, I’ll go and leave DH at home with DS.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 18:04     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:Just RSVP no. I don’t understand the big deal. They get to make the rules for their event, you get to decide whether to go and follow them or stay home.

The last wedding we were invited to was DH’s out of state cousin and it was no kids for $$$ reasons. It was fine! We stayed home and sent a gift. No hard feelings on either side.


An out of state cousin is different from a sibling. You don’t think it would be a big deal if you didn’t go to your husbands sisters wedding because she didn’t invite your kids?
It would be a big deal in my family.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 18:02     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Just RSVP no. I don’t understand the big deal. They get to make the rules for their event, you get to decide whether to go and follow them or stay home.

The last wedding we were invited to was DH’s out of state cousin and it was no kids for $$$ reasons. It was fine! We stayed home and sent a gift. No hard feelings on either side.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 17:52     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I agree OP. I don’t go to weddings without kids. End of story.


So I’m guessing you don’t go anywhere else where there is an age restriction? No bars, concerts, etc.? How do you feel about voting and driver’s permits?


Np- your argument holds no merit.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 17:50     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.


We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.


So you did have kids at the wedding. Maybe you haven’t been to a wedding in a while, but the recent trend is NO kids.

I don’t think anyone really believes that their friends from college should be bringing their kids. Get a babysitter or don’t come. Whatever. The issue is close relatives of the bride and groom, first cousins, nieces and nephews, etc. There are no longer flower girls or ring bearers, etc. And it is really inconvenient. Because when you are this close to the couple being married, 1) you have to go, 2) the people who would normally watch you kid will be there, and 3) you are expected to attend all of the pre-wedding rehearsals and things, so it’s a three day event, not an evening out.

Honestly, I think the OP is lucky that she had a set of grandparents willing to look after them. I had to cobble together three or four different people to cover during my sister’s wedding.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 17:46     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:Weddings ceased being about families a long time ago. It’s all about the bride and her special day. Huge wastes of money all to create some entitled bride’s image of the perfect day.


Huge waste of time and bandwidth to be concerned about the couple and their special day rather than your spawn! The horror.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 17:44     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Weddings ceased being about families a long time ago. It’s all about the bride and her special day. Huge wastes of money all to create some entitled bride’s image of the perfect day.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 16:41     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.


We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.


Thanks for the info!
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 16:37     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.


We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.
Anonymous
Post 03/17/2019 16:32     Subject: No kids weddings rant
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.


But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.


My family lived in state A, and DH's family lived in state B (a 4 hour drive away or a short flight or train). The wedding was held in a city in state A. While lots of guests could have driven home late that night, most opted to party hard and crash. We hosted a brunch the next morning for those who stayed over.

We didn't want our friends and family to decline because they didn't have anyone to leave their kids with, so we invited them. Most opted to bring their kids.

It's rare that anyone holds a wedding in the same state as 100% of the guests.

Didn't the op say one of the weddings is her SIL? Pretty crappy not to make an exception for your brother's kids. I mean, they are family.


My guess, based on OP's posts, is that SIL doesn't like her