Anonymous wrote:So my son does counseling at school (which I basically requested). This morning his had a session. Then earlier tonight the police came to my door asking to talk to both of us separately and saying that they had a CPS report that I slapped him. I did give him a very light slap because he was aggravating me all morning, then his finger got pinched by his umbrella he was trying to take out of his backpack, he hurled it across the room and cursed like a sailor, so I lost it.
They told me it all looked fine to them and they see no reason for investigation. However I am shaken and had to tell my son it was not his fault, he thought they “stormed the house with their guns”. I said they take any talk about slapping seriously. He said he talked about it at the counselor. I told him not to talk about police visit at school and that whenever he mentions slapping they will have to investigate.
I understand the counselor had to report, but I think it made more harm than good and I don’t want him to go there anymore.
I admit to yelling and I slapped him a few times in his lifetime. But nothing like abuse.
I don’t want this to be blown out of proportion. But I am afraid if I pull him out the councelor will see it as me admitting guilt or trying to hide something. Yet I want to talk to her and tell her that we were both shaken.
Also, I got a call from a person with the same name as I and she told me they came to her and revealed it was a cps call about me (they confused us initially). I think this is a breach of privacy. I am just so mad.
What should I do?
Please don’t tell me to stop slapping, I know that, but yes I am human and sometimes I lose it. I will take a parenting class but what should I do re: counselor and breach of privacy?

I know it's been said before here - but what you are doing is abuse. Please get help as soon as you can. The counselors and police were following the law. The mistaken identity thing is strange, but there's no legal recourse for it. They may now and should require mandatory counseling for your son at school - and if you act against that, they are more likely to take additional actions against you. Honestly, sending prayers - but please do something to help yourself and your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be made up. The police don't go out for light slapping/no marks. CPS might investigate but not the police.

Yes, and all of this supposedly happened on the same day—he had a session, the incident was reported, the police went to the wrong house, the call from the wrong house came, then the police (not CPS) showed up. I don’t buy it.

As a mandated reporter I have made dozens of reports to CPS. You provide CPS with a description of the allegations, name of the alleged abuser, contact info, etc. If a school counselor made a report to CPS they would have provided your address that was on record at the school. The police would not be involved in an invesitgation and would not just "look up" your address. Additionally, CPS would have interviewed your child also. There is no way this all occurred in the same day for a slap.

After the fake thread was revealed in Health & Medicine yesterday, I wonder if this is the same poster.

I'm not sure this is definitely a "fake thread."
Last summer I posted that CPS left a note at my door saying they had a call about me. I knew exactly who called and it was a "revenge" report. The note included the case workers phone number and my husband and I both tried calling her to get it sorted out--we wanted to be fully cooperative and transparent. My husband was able to reach her first, explained the situation that led to this person wanting "revenge" in the first place, and the worker said that she could tell by the "accusations" in the report that it wasn't true/accurate and there would be no investigation.

I posted on DCUM about it and was told by many people (including some who said they worked for social services or other related fields) that there is no way that would happen and that either my husband misunderstood/was lying, I was lying, or the social worker lied and we would be hearing more from them soon. This was not the case. It is now (almost) March and we haven't heard a thing since--obviously the social worker was being truthful when she said she could tell this was a fake report.

So, I think sometimes things happen with CPS that maybe aren't "in the norm." That doesn't make this a fake story/thread.

This is how it works that they come and leave a card if you are not home and try again.

Anonymous wrote:Op back: more from the cps person - she said cps may close the case the next day, or if I get an inexperienced/overly zealous case worker, they may come later and reprimand me/make me take parenting classes. I can just call their hotline and ask to speak to the case worker if I want to, but if I don’t it won’t really change anything. She said the reporter was prob inexperienced and was afraid for her license.

I have thought it over about the councelor and the advice of one of the PPs. I will ask the teacher if she is seeing any positive effect from counseling (it was mostly about speaking up inappropriately and not following directions, which I thought was also a bit much to complain to me about), also will ask the councelor what they are working on, and then tell them we have decided to go private.

This is not how it works at all. You are absolutely lying and looking for attention. She would be the one to come out and investigate and talk to you and your child, not the police. She wouldn't close out the case if she was assigned a case without meeting you in person as she's required to do a face to face if the case is assigned to her. No worker is going to talk like that.

I haven't read all the replies, but just pull him out of counseling. So what if it looks bad. The counselor can't report you for discontinuing therapy with her. Get a private therapist and have your son see them.

Our son had a bad experience earlier this year - he was victim of something that involved the police coming and started a whole chain of events. The school keeps pushing for him to see the school counselor and I could tell they get a little miffed that we keep refusing (writing in his IEP that we refuse services). But there is no way in hell I'm subjecting my SN child to a general school counselor who doesn't specialize in the specific things DC needs. We found a therapist that specializes in his disability and the issue surrounding the event that occurred at the beginning of the school year. She works with the exact issue my son is dealing with. And, when there's a question about something he tells her - she calls me in after their session and talks to me about it. It's so much more reasonable and responsible. She doesn't just call the cops or cps when he mentions something offhand.

seriously, get your own therapist for your kid. It's definitely worth it.

Op back: more from the cps person - she said cps may close the case the next day, or if I get an inexperienced/overly zealous case worker, they may come later and reprimand me/make me take parenting classes. I can just call their hotline and ask to speak to the case worker if I want to, but if I don’t it won’t really change anything. She said the reporter was prob inexperienced and was afraid for her license.

I have thought it over about the councelor and the advice of one of the PPs. I will ask the teacher if she is seeing any positive effect from counseling (it was mostly about speaking up inappropriately and not following directions, which I thought was also a bit much to complain to me about), also will ask the councelor what they are working on, and then tell them we have decided to go private.

Mandated reporter here: either the OP is playing down the severity of the slap or the counselor was inexperienced. Rules vary by state, but in DC for example, closed fist or hitting hard enough to leave a mark or injury are the thresholds. A swat or slap is not reportable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be made up. The police don't go out for light slapping/no marks. CPS might investigate but not the police.

Yes, and all of this supposedly happened on the same day—he had a session, the incident was reported, the police went to the wrong house, the call from the wrong house came, then the police (not CPS) showed up. I don’t buy it.

As a mandated reporter I have made dozens of reports to CPS. You provide CPS with a description of the allegations, name of the alleged abuser, contact info, etc. If a school counselor made a report to CPS they would have provided your address that was on record at the school. The police would not be involved in an invesitgation and would not just "look up" your address. Additionally, CPS would have interviewed your child also. There is no way this all occurred in the same day for a slap.

After the fake thread was revealed in Health & Medicine yesterday, I wonder if this is the same poster.

I'm not sure this is definitely a "fake thread."
Last summer I posted that CPS left a note at my door saying they had a call about me. I knew exactly who called and it was a "revenge" report. The note included the case workers phone number and my husband and I both tried calling her to get it sorted out--we wanted to be fully cooperative and transparent. My husband was able to reach her first, explained the situation that led to this person wanting "revenge" in the first place, and the worker said that she could tell by the "accusations" in the report that it wasn't true/accurate and there would be no investigation.

I posted on DCUM about it and was told by many people (including some who said they worked for social services or other related fields) that there is no way that would happen and that either my husband misunderstood/was lying, I was lying, or the social worker lied and we would be hearing more from them soon. This was not the case. It is now (almost) March and we haven't heard a thing since--obviously the social worker was being truthful when she said she could tell this was a fake report.

So, I think sometimes things happen with CPS that maybe aren't "in the norm." That doesn't make this a fake story/thread.

PP, what did you report to CPS?
My neighbor was reported by camp councelor over smth that her child said (she didn’t give the details). She always seemed a nice mom to me, a bit quirky but her kid seemed happy and attached to her. She then pulled her daughter out of that camp (free stuff for a high farms school) and she basically had to hang out with mom who was doing odd jobs like housecleaning and doordashing. The mom also went to homeschool her which I thought she was not equipped to do.
In this case I think the report has done more harm than good.

Anonymous wrote:I think 99% of this is BS, but in case there actually is a kernel of truth.....

There is no way to know if the counselor was the one who called CPS. Reports are kept anonymous so that those who do report don't have to fear someone coming after them. Keep in mind that ANY adult at school could have overheard the kid talking about what happened that morning and reported it. We have no idea how the child described the incident. OP says "light slap." Entirely possible the kid said "hot me in the face." Light slap sends up a red flag, but hit me in the face has me running to call CPS.

I had a make a report to CPS this past summer. It sucks, but you know you have to do it. As fas as I know, the family has no idea it was me. And I have no idea how far the investigation went; CPS will not (and should not) tell us anything. They take the report, say thank you, and handle it from there.

Police are not going to investigate something this minor especially if there is no bruising and they usually don't come same day if its something like this. This is completely made up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am offended on your behalf, OP!

Tell your child that while this is not his fault, it has to be a lesson in the future, not to blab to adults at school about his private life. That you love him and only want the best for him, and that you will do your level best not to hit him in the future.

I would not give this counselor the satisfaction of letting her know anything! Let her wonder... and I would actually continue the session for a bit, just to get her to stew even more. Your child will know not to tell her anything about tonight.

Way to go, Ms. Selfish. I really hope OP does not listen to you.

OP's son is already in counseling for issues that he has. Obviously that includes emotional outbursts such as throwing his backpack when he pinched his finger. Now, you want her to counsel him NOT to talk to the counselor, the one who can help him to work out his emotional issues, just to protect herself since she can't control her own emotional outbursts. Shame on you for putting your own needs ahead of your child's. As I said, I hope that OP ignores you. You have terrible maternal instincts.

Sigh. How to explain this to DCUM, a place where people assume everyone has the same children/spouse/life they have, and who reflexively post without thinking things through?

A few points, however, that I have learned the hard way as a parent of a challenging child:

1. Sometimes there is no good option, and the parent must choose the least worst option. Sometimes that means slapping their child. I do not believe that is abuse. If you've never had to parent a very difficult child, that you sometimes wish had never been born, even though you love him to bits and would die for him, well lucky you. You do not know our pain.

2. I'm not sure why so many posters think counseling is the magic bullet, when it can do more harm than good. Why? Because many counselors are not trained to take into account mental health disorders at a practical level (medication, dosage, effect, self-awareness, behavior modification specific to the disorder). That's the HUGE flaw with counseling as a profession, since most relationship issues are at heart behavioral issues that stem from sub-clinical or clinical mental health problems. As you know, most mental health disorders exist on a spectrum, from the non-existent to the extreme, and somewhere along the line there is a cut-off beyond which you are diagnosable. It doesn't mean most people walking around don't have tendencies to such and such. Counseling should be able to address this, but does not.

3. If you are self-aware enough, you will realize that most people are just a bunch of lemmings. They self-righteously claim that one should never hit, one should never yell, one should never own a gun, one should never hurt the environment, etc, etc. All well and good. But have they truly done their homework and THOUGHT about these things? No, they're just repeating what others are saying. If you actually think about these issues, you will realize that there are instances where it's not all black and white. Any time someone says "always" or "never", it's a red flag that they've let someone else do the thinking for them.

I know it's a lot to ask of DCUM, but a little bit of reflection and humility before you post would make you a wiser and better person.

I think 99% of this is BS, but in case there actually is a kernel of truth.....

There is no way to know if the counselor was the one who called CPS. Reports are kept anonymous so that those who do report don't have to fear someone coming after them. Keep in mind that ANY adult at school could have overheard the kid talking about what happened that morning and reported it. We have no idea how the child described the incident. OP says "light slap." Entirely possible the kid said "hot me in the face." Light slap sends up a red flag, but hit me in the face has me running to call CPS.

I had a make a report to CPS this past summer. It sucks, but you know you have to do it. As fas as I know, the family has no idea it was me. And I have no idea how far the investigation went; CPS will not (and should not) tell us anything. They take the report, say thank you, and handle it from there.

Anonymous wrote:So my son does counseling at school (which I basically requested). This morning his had a session. Then earlier tonight the police came to my door asking to talk to both of us separately and saying that they had a CPS report that I slapped him. I did give him a very light slap because he was aggravating me all morning, then his finger got pinched by his umbrella he was trying to take out of his backpack, he hurled it across the room and cursed like a sailor, so I lost it.
They told me it all looked fine to them and they see no reason for investigation. However I am shaken and had to tell my son it was not his fault, he thought they “stormed the house with their guns”. I said they take any talk about slapping seriously. He said he talked about it at the counselor. I told him not to talk about police visit at school and that whenever he mentions slapping they will have to investigate.
I understand the counselor had to report, but I think it made more harm than good and I don’t want him to go there anymore.
I admit to yelling and I slapped him a few times in his lifetime. But nothing like abuse.
I don’t want this to be blown out of proportion. But I am afraid if I pull him out the councelor will see it as me admitting guilt or trying to hide something. Yet I want to talk to her and tell her that we were both shaken.
Also, I got a call from a person with the same name as I and she told me they came to her and revealed it was a cps call about me (they confused us initially). I think this is a breach of privacy. I am just so mad.
What should I do?
Please don’t tell me to stop slapping, I know that, but yes I am human and sometimes I lose it. I will take a parenting class but what should I do re: counselor and breach of privacy?

Why?

Anonymous wrote:
I am offended on your behalf, OP!

Tell your child that while this is not his fault, it has to be a lesson in the future, not to blab to adults at school about his private life. That you love him and only want the best for him, and that you will do your level best not to hit him in the future.

I would not give this counselor the satisfaction of letting her know anything! Let her wonder... and I would actually continue the session for a bit, just to get her to stew even more. Your child will know not to tell her anything about tonight.

Way to go, Ms. Selfish. I really hope OP does not listen to you.

OP's son is already in counseling for issues that he has. Obviously that includes emotional outbursts such as throwing his backpack when he pinched his finger. Now, you want her to counsel him NOT to talk to the counselor, the one who can help him to work out his emotional issues, just to protect herself since she can't control her own emotional outbursts. Shame on you for putting your own needs ahead of your child's. As I said, I hope that OP ignores you. You have terrible maternal instincts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update.
So I spoke with a friend of a friend who is a social worker and handles cases like that, she said there is nothing to worry about and they will close the case fairly soon (she is in a different county but knows the system).
It won’t go on record.
And he can continue counseling or quit, it’s not a red flag for them, they are looking for other signs.
The worst they can do is make me take anger management classes which is fine by me, it’s free I hope!
I am writing this in case others who are scared like me are looking for advice.
The kid is very quiet and compliant but I know it’s not for long!
And if anyone is worried about him they are welcome to come babysit, I am a single mom who is worn out by having him around all the time!

You are making all this up. It stays on the record unless you get it expunged.

It’s almost impossible to expunge but it is an internal record with CPS that cannot be reached unless there is a court order.
Or unless I work with kids and need a clearance.

Yes, it can be. Worked for many years at several CPS's. This is a completely made up story. This is not how it works.

I am offended on your behalf, OP!

Tell your child that while this is not his fault, it has to be a lesson in the future, not to blab to adults at school about his private life. That you love him and only want the best for him, and that you will do your level best not to hit him in the future.

I would not give this counselor the satisfaction of letting her know anything! Let her wonder... and I would actually continue the session for a bit, just to get her to stew even more. Your child will know not to tell her anything about tonight.