Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.

Next time, DH needs to get ahead of this by inviting her to special dinner the weekend before, and calling or visiting day of. If she knew he was proactively planning something nice for her, she’d be more flexible about timing. She had to plan her own dinner?

+1

This is exactly it! It's not like her birthday is a surprise--why did your DH not proactively think about it, look at the calendar/see the sports conflict, and make a plan?

Instead, it was, what, a few days out, and she had heard nothing from her son or from you. So she knew that none of you had made plans for her birthday. So she decided when and where she wanted to celebrate.

If you guys had thought this through, you could have called her very early on, and cheerfully suggested a plan. "Mom, we're excited about your birthday! We're all free the Sunday before, so we made reservations at that place French you love in Georgetown. Can we pick you up at 6?"

Great post, PP. You're spot on. Both OP and her DH failed on this one. Now OP is casting shade on her MIL, which seems to be a popular sport here on DCUM.

OP and her husband need to get their act together. Like, really, OP, you didn't know that you had to give signed permission for someone other than a parent to get a kid from SACC??? What rock have you been living under? Sheesh. No wonder you're posting here!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.

Next time, DH needs to get ahead of this by inviting her to special dinner the weekend before, and calling or visiting day of. If she knew he was proactively planning something nice for her, she’d be more flexible about timing. She had to plan her own dinner?

+1

This is exactly it! It's not like her birthday is a surprise--why did your DH not proactively think about it, look at the calendar/see the sports conflict, and make a plan?

Instead, it was, what, a few days out, and she had heard nothing from her son or from you. So she knew that none of you had made plans for her birthday. So she decided when and where she wanted to celebrate.

If you guys had thought this through, you could have called her very early on, and cheerfully suggested a plan. "Mom, we're excited about your birthday! We're all free the Sunday before, so we made reservations at that place French you love in Georgetown. Can we pick you up at 6?"

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck does dinner need to be st 6:00? There is no reason it can’t be at 6:30. You and DS can join the dinner at 6:30. If MIL and DH want to get started at 6:00, have them do so. They can have a drink and appetizer before you arrive. Or the dinner can be on Sunday.

Anonymous wrote:on one hand your MIL is being difficult. on the other hand, grandma birthday is more important than one of a gazillion practices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.

Next time, DH needs to get ahead of this by inviting her to special dinner the weekend before, and calling or visiting day of. If she knew he was proactively planning something nice for her, she’d be more flexible about timing. She had to plan her own dinner?

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a son, so that means one day you will likely be the MIL. Your DH is your son’s role model.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.

Next time, DH needs to get ahead of this by inviting her to special dinner the weekend before, and calling or visiting day of. If she knew he was proactively planning something nice for her, she’d be more flexible about timing. She had to plan her own dinner?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, we don't give in to terrorists, at least that is what we write on the Political forum. Your MILs sounds like a terrorist. Does she have dementia? I am honestly stunted at so many posts about elderly people here demanding this and that and at this exact time. I am from Eastern Europe and all the grandparent I know, I am from a large family with many cousins, are always willing and happy to accommodate their own kids and grand kids. For example my BIL's mother wanted him and my sister to come over for his birthday, he said, sorry we are working and will be exhausted. So she came over and left a cake for him/them. Similarly for his parents' anniversary they asked them when can they come over. Bil and my sister work, his parents and my mom do not, so they will adjust to their schedule. On the other hand, it is a give and take relationship. When a pipe broke at my mom's house, BIL called a plumber, had people helping and even paid for it. My US FIL is similar to many ILS posted on this forum, I mostly try to ignore his nutso demands and meddling, but it drives SIL and DH insane. Like why is it such a big deal to eat at the BBQ place every week at the exact time that he wants?!

You lose all credibility when you call a relative a terrorist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see why it’s annoying.

But if this is a garden-variety practice, eh, he can miss. If he’s Michael Phelps on the rise, fine. If not, it’s one practice for a family event.

Does she play second fiddle to sports schedules a lot?

It does not matter. She is an adult and should be able to deal with a change in Birthday plans. A card should be sufficient.

Anonymous wrote:I see why it’s annoying.

But if this is a garden-variety practice, eh, he can miss. If he’s Michael Phelps on the rise, fine. If not, it’s one practice for a family event.

Does she play second fiddle to sports schedules a lot?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He’s 10 and he couldn’t attend last week because we both had work obligations that held us over. He was stuck at SACC. A team mage’s mom was going to grab him from SACC, but they couldn’t release him without a signed note from us. So he had to miss. If he doesn’t practice, he can’t play because he wasn’t there to learn the plays. It’s a CYO basketball team.

Thanks for all the opinions. I’m leaving it up to DH to decide what he needs to do, but I think DS should show up for his team. He’s been a part of the team for 2 years now, and basketball has been going on for months. We only found out about MIL dinner over the weekend.