Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got my step kids in the divorce. They always seemed to fight with their bio mom. They couldn’t wait to go to college. Their dad and I split 3 yrs ago. I see the kids more than their bio parents do.

When they were growing up, exDH and I had joint accounts and we just bought them what they needed. That includes private school and college savings.

They are awesome kids. They want to spend winter break with their younger siblings. They both called and asked
me if they could stay with me over winter break. I’m thrilled they’ll be home for a few weeks.

You have custody of your stepkids?

No. They are both over 18 now. They've chosen me to be their go-to parent.

Good for you. You rock.

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how long you have been together and how old the kids were.
The happy stores are from when stepkid was a baby and parents married a long time.
It is completely different with older kids and a bitter ex causing you grief

Agree. Older kids arent the innocent angels people like to think and the stepparent shouldn't have a financial obligation in these kinds of scenarios.

People should pay for the kids that they are related to biologically. Does not matter if the child lives with them or not.

It depends on how long you have been together and how old the kids were.
The happy stores are from when stepkid was a baby and parents married a long time.
It is completely different with older kids and a bitter ex causing you grief

My SM and Dad have blended finances (at this point, they’ve been married 25+ years and they have a kid together), so I assume my SM paid half — or, actually, more, since she’s wealthier than my dad — of everything he paid, which was about 2/3rds of everything growing up + half of sticker price at an Ivy + $50K towards law school. No complaints from me at all. I don’t consider her my mom, I have one of those (parents had shared physical custody)... more like a close aunt. My kids definitely consider her a “real” grandparent though. We have not even introduced the notion that her being my SM somehow changes things technically. They’re her only grandkids (none of my siblings — she has 3 bio kids — are currently married/have kids and it may stay that way re: kids, although it also may not) and I have no doubt she loves them as her own.

I spent 440$ on stepson, 175 each on bio kids...stepson is a lot older though...

This is not just about money. One dad had his ex bring the kids for the weekend even though he was away on a business trip. As if this new woman was some kind of free child care provider.
And wnen she needed time off in the summer to finish her thesis, was supposed to pick up the kids from summer camp at 3 as the time was inconvenient to either parent.
You are just quick to judge, but a new spouse is not the next au pair

My husband treats his stepdaughter just as he does his own. She's been in his life since she was two. We are struggling with what to do in the will as she will likely inherit a considerable amount from her biological dad, but of course there's no way to know until after the fact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on many factors, two important once that come to mind are:
- Custody arrangements (is the second bio parent in the picture)?
- Whether you have bio kids. This is not about whom you love more, but simply about how many earning adults contribute financially. Kids have two bio parents. Just because parents divorce, it does not mean that the number of adults, who share financial responsibility for a child, grows. SP without own children may feel happy to contribute.

And SP without children may also feel NOT happy to contribute. A friend of mine told his DW with a teenage son that he wasnt paying toward her son's college tuition and he's been Public Enemy No. 1 since.

It is not his bio-child, so he is not responsible for her son's college tuition. The bio parents need to do that.

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on many factors, two important once that come to mind are:
- Custody arrangements (is the second bio parent in the picture)?
- Whether you have bio kids. This is not about whom you love more, but simply about how many earning adults contribute financially. Kids have two bio parents. Just because parents divorce, it does not mean that the number of adults, who share financial responsibility for a child, grows. SP without own children may feel happy to contribute.

And SP without children may also feel NOT happy to contribute. A friend of mine told his DW with a teenage son that he wasnt paying toward her son's college tuition and he's been Public Enemy No. 1 since.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the answer changes whether you married a SAHM or a working woman who makes the same income.

Good point here.

My dad married a SAHM. So, she paid $0. In short order, they had a kid. Then dad proceeded to stop spending money on his "first marriage" kids -- paid child support only -- and started spending money on "second family" kid.

If Mom got child support, that is his portion of what your needs would be and not reasonable. Your mom was also expected to contribute. Many think that child support is not significant and only consider anything extra is what really counts. That's not reasonable. He shouldn't have to pay child support, buy you a full wardrobe, pay for all your activities, etc. on top of that. Child support is supposed to cover it.

I know one man who would not even buy a birthday present, because that is included in child support.
I observe that money is just one issue to fight about in blended families. It happens with married couples too.
My parents barely gave us the minimum to survive on. We had housing, shared a room with siblings. Somehow they managed to have money to spend on themselves, while financially neglecting their kids.

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on many factors, two important once that come to mind are:
- Custody arrangements (is the second bio parent in the picture)?
- Whether you have bio kids. This is not about whom you love more, but simply about how many earning adults contribute financially. Kids have two bio parents. Just because parents divorce, it does not mean that the number of adults, who share financial responsibility for a child, grows. SP without own children may feel happy to contribute.

Its more complicated than that. Often the NCP gets slammed for not paying enough but often child support isn't looked at or considered when making those statements. Child support is supposed to cover Dad's share (or vice versa) in Mom's home and Mom is also supposed to contribute. Many comment that Dad should also be paying everything on top of child support to show his love and that simply isn't the case. He also has to provide a home/room for visitation. And, its his responsibility, not stepmom's. So, it isn't stepmom at fault for not providing a child with a bed, it is that child's parents responsibility. Its nice if a stepparent does but it should be expected.

I think it depends on many factors, two important once that come to mind are:
- Custody arrangements (is the second bio parent in the picture)?
- Whether you have bio kids. This is not about whom you love more, but simply about how many earning adults contribute financially. Kids have two bio parents. Just because parents divorce, it does not mean that the number of adults, who share financial responsibility for a child, grows. SP without own children may feel happy to contribute.

We combine our income and the bills we pay for the my husband's children get paid out of that. There's no separation of finances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the answer changes whether you married a SAHM or a working woman who makes the same income.

Good point here.

My dad married a SAHM. So, she paid $0. In short order, they had a kid. Then dad proceeded to stop spending money on his "first marriage" kids -- paid child support only -- and started spending money on "second family" kid.

If Mom got child support, that is his portion of what your needs would be and not reasonable. Your mom was also expected to contribute. Many think that child support is not significant and only consider anything extra is what really counts. That's not reasonable. He shouldn't have to pay child support, buy you a full wardrobe, pay for all your activities, etc. on top of that. Child support is supposed to cover it.