Anonymous wrote:how many of you 'go getters' in college are now SAHM?

What a stupid, irrelevant question. Please don't feed the troll, people.

Anonymous wrote:Unless the teen has a long history of being an introverted grind, I would not believe they're studying in their dorm room and not in public spaces, computer lab, library. Sorry I wasn't born yesterday, it's a blatant lie.

Dorms make most kids stir-crazy, tend to get smelly, stale air, poor lighting, just not conducive to good studying.

Social media is full of memes where college kids laugh about sleeping in, ditching class, skipping school work to binge watch netflix all day in bed.

All my friends and I studied in our dorm rooms. You couldn't drink Pepsi or eat in the library. I worked in the college library and I never once studied there.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine my mother micromanaging me this way in college. I was a foreign student and I’m pretty sure my mom didn’t even know the name of my college for about 2 years. Let your kids grow up people!!!!

Not once has OP said she talked to her daughter about her kid's whereabouts, just that she was passively monitoring, and wondering if what she saw was normal or cause for concern.

Unless the teen has a long history of being an introverted grind, I would not believe they're studying in their dorm room and not in public spaces, computer lab, library. Sorry I wasn't born yesterday, it's a blatant lie.

Dorms make most kids stir-crazy, tend to get smelly, stale air, poor lighting, just not conducive to good studying.

Social media is full of memes where college kids laugh about sleeping in, ditching class, skipping school work to binge watch netflix all day in bed.

I can’t imagine my mother micromanaging me this way in college. I was a foreign student and I’m pretty sure my mom didn’t even know the name of my college for about 2 years. Let your kids grow up people!!!!

Anonymous wrote:how many of you 'go getters' in college are now SAHM?

Me! Life is about the journey. Not the destination.

Anonymous wrote:how many of you 'go getters' in college are now SAHM?

I am. "Go getter" in college, grade school, 15 year demanding career. Not sustainable with a baby. I've been freelancing a bit here or there and in another year or two I'll go back in a different capacity with better work-life balance.

When I was in grad school after working for a few years I had an epiphany about college (and grad) school students' weeks being different than those the M-F working person.

Most classes meet M/W or T/Th and possibly M/W/F. For the most part homework is due during the first meeting of the class each week ie Mon or Tues. That means from a homework/library standpoint from Wednesday on you may have to be in class but nothing is handed in and you should be caught up with the reading. This means a student's "weekend" is usually Thursday + Friday or Friday + Saturday. But Sunday should be thought of as a workday bc that is the day you should be preparing assignments or reading for the coming week.

how many of you 'go getters' in college are now SAHM?

Freshman “Studying in my room” = boyfriend, hung over and/or Netflix

Freshman go-getters are social and don’t want to be in their dorm all day.

I got swept up in the social aspect of college my first year. My dad was spending money he didn’t have to put me through school.

And after the first year when I totally failed a class each term, he said he would never give me another cent towards my classes again. And that was probably the best thing he could have done for himself because even the year or two following I still didn’t have the discipline I needed to take his investment seriously.

If she abuses this opportunity to attend college on her parents dime, you’ve gotta pull the plug, OP. It’s not in your best interest to support someone who isn’t mature enough to understand what’s at risk.

The what, where and when is not as much of an issue as the Who. Your child needs to figure out her “pacing” and make the life choices that are required. No one can do that for her - least of all you from afar. If she works well in the library, great - she should make a schedule that works (mine works better late at night so she prefers the study room in her dorm which is quiet and I like that she’s not walking campus late) Ultimately your DC needs to own her schedule and be mature enough to step up to make Saturdays productive or stay in on Fridays if she has work to do. Some kids find that easy to do and some struggle (I have one of each!)

As we all know, there is a fine line between encouraging and nagging at this age. I’m pretty certain insisting she go to the library early on Sunday morning will absolutely be construed as nagging!

It’s not that hard to spend 50 hours a week studying outside of class if you’re only in class for 16 hours (which was typical for a non-STEM major where/when I went to university). We had tons of reading which, of course, you could do almost anywhere.

By contrast, my STEM kid spends at least twice as much time in class as I did (lectures, section, and lab for each class), which would make 50 hours outside oppressive. Some of DC’s weeks look like that, but not most.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how college students have any free time. My son is a freshman and he plays soccer at a Power-5 D1 school. He is taking 15 credits per semester and he spends about 50 hours per week outside of the class room just to keep up. Between going to class, study, meal, and soccer practice/match/travel, he barely has enough time to sleep let alone socializing with other people.

Studying 50 hrs/week = 10 hours a day, 5 days a week OR a little over 7 hours a day, 7 days a week. That is a lot of studying.

To me it is a kid who did not get good guidance on class selection or is at the wrong school..

+1 50 hours per week is way too much. 25 hours per week is sufficient. Maybe a little more if lab intensive major. If your kid is spending 50 hours a week studying, he is at the wrong school for him. This is not meant to be mean, I just feel for him if he has to put in that much time. It is not reasonable.

I suspect you're a state school alum who can't wrap their head around being at a difficult college. Or pursuing a challenging concentration. My boyfriend in college was a CS major and easily put in 40-50 hours outside of class.

I went to a fancy Ivy. I had enough free time that I got part time jobs around campus (maybe 10 hours a week total) to make a bit of money for my social life or pay for the spring break trip abroad. And I still studied around maybe 25 hours a week together. And took my classes. And had my clubs. And went to the gym. And had a social life. And had excellent grades. And didn't feel stressed out at all. Busy? Sure, but it was completely manageable.

Some people did seem to study 40-50 hours outside the classroom but those tended to be very specific stem majors with very specific objectives and they had no social life.

Focus on the results. Let her figure out how to achieve them. That’s part of the learning experience.