Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another dcum thread where parents hold money over their kids' heads in order to retain control and not let go. Shocking.

What's scary is that y'all dress it up in "accountability" and "investment" and they're not adults unless they're paying the bills ( tell that to SAHPs or the disabled or students going to college in full aid. Whatever.)

Keep telling yourself that but everyone else can see that it is about eking out every last inch of control you can get.

What is wrong with having accountability? If your parents are paying the bill, you should be accountable. You will always be accountable in your life - parents, teachers, boss, spouse, etc. You think parents should just write blank check and never care.

My kid is accountable to himself and to his professors.

Do you think the professors care at all? No. If I pay the bill, they are accountable to me. If they don't want to be accountable, they can pay for it on their own.

It doesn’t work that way in our house. Our kids are accountable to themselves.

One just finished med school and the other gets excellent (self-reported) grades, so we have done something right.

Our kids are accountable to us if they expect us to pay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another dcum thread where parents hold money over their kids' heads in order to retain control and not let go. Shocking.

What's scary is that y'all dress it up in "accountability" and "investment" and they're not adults unless they're paying the bills ( tell that to SAHPs or the disabled or students going to college in full aid. Whatever.)

Keep telling yourself that but everyone else can see that it is about eking out every last inch of control you can get.

What is wrong with having accountability? If your parents are paying the bill, you should be accountable. You will always be accountable in your life - parents, teachers, boss, spouse, etc. You think parents should just write blank check and never care.

My kid is accountable to himself and to his professors.

Do you think the professors care at all? No. If I pay the bill, they are accountable to me. If they don't want to be accountable, they can pay for it on their own.

If you need to hold money over your young adult kid’s head to make him share information, that is a sorry state of affairs indeed.

Sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another dcum thread where parents hold money over their kids' heads in order to retain control and not let go. Shocking.

What's scary is that y'all dress it up in "accountability" and "investment" and they're not adults unless they're paying the bills ( tell that to SAHPs or the disabled or students going to college in full aid. Whatever.)

Keep telling yourself that but everyone else can see that it is about eking out every last inch of control you can get.

What is wrong with having accountability? If your parents are paying the bill, you should be accountable. You will always be accountable in your life - parents, teachers, boss, spouse, etc. You think parents should just write blank check and never care.

My kid is accountable to himself and to his professors.

Do you think the professors care at all? No. If I pay the bill, they are accountable to me. If they don't want to be accountable, they can pay for it on their own.

It doesn’t work that way in our house. Our kids are accountable to themselves.

One just finished med school and the other gets excellent (self-reported) grades, so we have done something right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another dcum thread where parents hold money over their kids' heads in order to retain control and not let go. Shocking.

What's scary is that y'all dress it up in "accountability" and "investment" and they're not adults unless they're paying the bills ( tell that to SAHPs or the disabled or students going to college in full aid. Whatever.)

Keep telling yourself that but everyone else can see that it is about eking out every last inch of control you can get.

What is wrong with having accountability? If your parents are paying the bill, you should be accountable. You will always be accountable in your life - parents, teachers, boss, spouse, etc. You think parents should just write blank check and never care.

My kid is accountable to himself and to his professors.

Do you think the professors care at all? No. If I pay the bill, they are accountable to me. If they don't want to be accountable, they can pay for it on their own.

Anonymous wrote:I've never understood why American parents are so quick to throw the label "helicopter parent" for something so simple as checking their kids' grades on parent portal. How come you never hear Americans use the phrase helicopter parents to describe parents in India who not only dictate their child's college major, but their child's spouse as well? The American version of helicopter parenting is nothing!

Because some American parents are lazy and don't want to parent their kids. Kids are status in America. These same parents are complaining about kids not having skills later in life but these are the same parents who are so hands off they don't teach the skills kids need to know to be successful.

Anonymous wrote:All you have to do is have your kid check the disclosure box. It’s literally one click of their mouse and parents have access to everything. If this is done right when the deposit it paid it’s not awkward at all.

Not true, and school specific.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was never tempted. She shared good and bad with me.

Because you knew that she was doing well overall, if you thought otherwise, you would be tempted.

Not that pp but, nope, I'm not tempted. My kid has scholarship money tied to GPA. If my kid loses the scholarship money that is going to impact the tuition bill and some trade offs are going to be necessary. The more upfront our kid is with us, the more proactive our kid is (talking to academic advisor, seeking tutoring, going to professor's hours), the better the options will be.

Hopefully that will never be an issue but if it becomes an issue we will most certainly be made aware of it as soon as the next tuition bill arrives - whether our kid gives us a heads up or not.

Ok, so your kid has a huge incentive to not screw up, and the fact that your kid earned a scholarship in the first place most likely means they are not the type to screw up majorly anyways.
Again, you have reason to believe that your child is doing well overall.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was never tempted. She shared good and bad with me.

Because you knew that she was doing well overall, if you thought otherwise, you would be tempted.

Not that pp but, nope, I'm not tempted. My kid has scholarship money tied to GPA. If my kid loses the scholarship money that is going to impact the tuition bill and some trade offs are going to be necessary. The more upfront our kid is with us, the more proactive our kid is (talking to academic advisor, seeking tutoring, going to professor's hours), the better the options will be.

Hopefully that will never be an issue but if it becomes an issue we will most certainly be made aware of it as soon as the next tuition bill arrives - whether our kid gives us a heads up or not.

I've never understood why American parents are so quick to throw the label "helicopter parent" for something so simple as checking their kids' grades on parent portal. How come you never hear Americans use the phrase helicopter parents to describe parents in India who not only dictate their child's college major, but their child's spouse as well? The American version of helicopter parenting is nothing!

All you have to do is have your kid check the disclosure box. It’s literally one click of their mouse and parents have access to everything. If this is done right when the deposit it paid it’s not awkward at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]Another dcum thread where parents hold money over their kids' heads in order to retain control and not let go. Shocking[/b].

What's scary is that y'all dress it up in "accountability" and "investment" and they're not adults unless they're paying the bills ( tell that to SAHPs or the disabled or students going to college in full aid. Whatever.)

Keep telling yourself that but everyone else can see that it is about eking out every last inch of control you can get.

If you want to see it that way fine. But technically parents are not obligated to pay for their kid's college. Fortunately there are other ways kids can do it such as community college, or joining the military. If the parents are going to SACRIFICE to pay a huge amount of money to make it easier for their kids to become self sustaining adults it is perfectly reasonable for them to want to be sure that their kids aren't blowing away their money.

Amen!

Anonymous wrote:I was never tempted. She shared good and bad with me.

Because you knew that she was doing well overall, if you thought otherwise, you would be tempted.

Anonymous[b wrote:]Another dcum thread where parents hold money over their kids' heads in order to retain control and not let go. Shocking[/b].

What's scary is that y'all dress it up in "accountability" and "investment" and they're not adults unless they're paying the bills ( tell that to SAHPs or the disabled or students going to college in full aid. Whatever.)

Keep telling yourself that but everyone else can see that it is about eking out every last inch of control you can get.

If you want to see it that way fine. But technically parents are not obligated to pay for their kid's college. Fortunately there are other ways kids can do it such as community college, or joining the military. If the parents are going to SACRIFICE to pay a huge amount of money to make it easier for their kids to become self sustaining adults it is perfectly reasonable for them to want to be sure that their kids aren't blowing away their money.

Anonymous[b wrote:]If my child wants me to pay for college, they will tell me their grades and how they are doing. Simple.[/b]

And completely appropriate.

I have parent's portal so I can see the bills and pay the tuition/fees. The same portal shows the registration info and grades.

My insurance company made a huge deal about my D turning 18 and privacy rights. But then when I receive the bill, they provide me with all the information that's supposed to be "private."