Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a male dominated field. I have given colleagues bottles of wine, whiskey and Scotch. I am married some of them are married/some not. These gifts were not romantic in nature but tokens of appreciation for a job well done, celebrate a deal or promotion, when someone has had a rough patch or even when I happen to know they like something fairly rare and I come across it. I don’t think you’d have thought twice about this if a man had given the bottle. It’s views like this that hurt working women in the advancement of their careers. Rethink what has actually happened. Would you have sought to chat up a young male colleague who gifted the Scotch?

Giving gifts to married men (or women) is not something that men do in the workplace, so your behavior looks like you are trying to suck up at best or hitting on the men.

Anonymous wrote:PP (the one who asked OP how her husband received her concerns)

A few years ago, I was going through our cell phone bill to track down a number I needed. I noticed that there was a number exchanged with my husband, at various times of day and night, for about 3 months.
I called the number and the voicemail belonged to his Receptionist at work.
I had met her only once a few years before that.
I did not say anything to my husband, but instead, I texted her a short message saying, "Please stop texting my husband"
I did not state my name, or who I was.
Her reply?

"Im sorry, Its always been work related though"

I knew something was up when she did not ask initially, "Who is this?" but knew exactly who's husband I was speaking of.

We are now separated.

Anonymous wrote:T

You reaching out to invite her to a social event is likewise weird an inappropriate, and would weird me out as well.
.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If only wives would look at women at work as just another colleague. If we can't do it for ourselves, how can we expect men to?

If only women at work would not sleep with their married coworkers.

It would make things easier for everyone, especially the women who are in it for the job and career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update.

So last night for cocktail hour my husband and I were chatting with another couple. It was a bit crowded but outside and the entrance was to my back. She literally bounced in the circle and rubbed up against his shoulder with a half hug all while laughing. It was a strange approach. She then saw me got a little wide eyes and moved around my husband and onto the other couple. I don’t attend these often and I am sure she was surprised. She didn’t speak at all to me, which is fine. I was bothered by her entrance dance and hug though a little I guess.

Before, during and at the end of dinner my husband mentioned at least three times that he was worried about where she was sitting and whom she was sitting with, since she was not at the three tables that the other “10” were at. He was worried that she didn’t get the same treatment as the rest of the 9 guys.

This am I finally brought it up to him and he admitted that he was surprised she completely ignored me again tonight. I asked about the liquor and he admitted that it was a bit much. He said if one of his buddies of the group of 10 had a bad day or week he would bring a bottle to the guys office, share a drink and brink the bottle home. His almost $75- $100 (i looked it up) bottle is still at his office apparently unopened. Bottles of liquor are norm for transfers, going always, not bad days typically in this setting. He also said that they do not talk or text outside of meetings when i asked this am. Maybe they don’t text but I am sure they talk in person or phones or both.

Idk, honestly I am a bit on edge with it. I feel like the behavior is on the line almost crossing into too much of an emotional friendship. I believe 100 percent there is not an affair, nor do I believe my husband has the hots for her. She is not his type as she is a bit heavy and just average. I believe that he is friendly with her as he is with everyone and maybe she is obviously confusing these friendly feelings with a true relationship.

Also, again I understand it may feel weird that we invited her to an outing. Absolutely in any other work environment would I 100 percent agree. However, in our close knit work setting families attend weekend outings together all of the time. Some are divorced and they attend with another couple. When I do not attend my husband will attend or ride with another couple. No big deal.

Idk. Thanks for all of the advice so far and thanks for any advice now.

I did not bring up the bottle to her, nor will I. I won’t write a thank you card and obviously plan to stay out of it. I told my husband it’s very obvious she’s into him and he’s staring to be overly concerned for her. I told him if that I am not overly jealous but it is beginning to cross a line in my book and if that’s what he wants, he can go for it.

You have issues and you need to chill. It's not her fault she's a woman in an all-male environment. You're sexualizing her apparently NORMAL conduct, and it's gross. Treat her like any other coworker of your husbands.

Female work colleague apparently found your thread OP.

No - just someone who can identify hostility towards woman in an all-male work environment. I feel sorry for this woman! Not only does she have to deal with the crap of being the only woman, but her normal behavior is being interpreted as flirtatious by a jealous wife. women are really in a double bind in this kind of situation. If she acted with complete reticence out of fear of being seen as hitting on her coworker, she'd be seen as cold and shut out of crucial socializing and informal networks. If she acts in a friendly manner and develops (normal) relationships with her male coworkers, she's tagged as some kind of homewrecker. If she makes the least mistake in company culture (gifting a bottle of scotch, as opposed to just bringing it to the office and sharing a drink) she's likewise tagged as a Jezebel.

OP stand down. Let your DH handle his professional relationships in a professional manner.

You are either a troll, very naive, or just clueless. You think her behavior is "normal"? I assure you it is not.

Not a troll, not naive. If you can't see how a wife inserting herself into her husbands' workplace due to jealously over a female co-worker is psycho and inappropriate (and possibly risks her husband's job due to a harassment claim) I don't know what to say.

I think you are overblowing her involvement in her husband's workplace - how exactly is she doing that? He proactively alerts her to a female coworker doing something strange (strange enough that be brings it up to her - kudos to him). It sounds real fishy so she wants to size the other woman up. I acknowledge that part is the weird part - messaging her and inviting her. However, keeping an eye open on this work relationship is not inserting herself into her husband's workplace. She (rightfully so) is keeping a close eye on the other woman and whether she likes to admit it or not, her husband as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update.

So last night for cocktail hour my husband and I were chatting with another couple. It was a bit crowded but outside and the entrance was to my back. She literally bounced in the circle and rubbed up against his shoulder with a half hug all while laughing. It was a strange approach. She then saw me got a little wide eyes and moved around my husband and onto the other couple. I don’t attend these often and I am sure she was surprised. She didn’t speak at all to me, which is fine. I was bothered by her entrance dance and hug though a little I guess.

Before, during and at the end of dinner my husband mentioned at least three times that he was worried about where she was sitting and whom she was sitting with, since she was not at the three tables that the other “10” were at. He was worried that she didn’t get the same treatment as the rest of the 9 guys.

This am I finally brought it up to him and he admitted that he was surprised she completely ignored me again tonight. I asked about the liquor and he admitted that it was a bit much. He said if one of his buddies of the group of 10 had a bad day or week he would bring a bottle to the guys office, share a drink and brink the bottle home. His almost $75- $100 (i looked it up) bottle is still at his office apparently unopened. Bottles of liquor are norm for transfers, going always, not bad days typically in this setting. He also said that they do not talk or text outside of meetings when i asked this am. Maybe they don’t text but I am sure they talk in person or phones or both.

Idk, honestly I am a bit on edge with it. I feel like the behavior is on the line almost crossing into too much of an emotional friendship. I believe 100 percent there is not an affair, nor do I believe my husband has the hots for her. She is not his type as she is a bit heavy and just average. I believe that he is friendly with her as he is with everyone and maybe she is obviously confusing these friendly feelings with a true relationship.

Also, again I understand it may feel weird that we invited her to an outing. Absolutely in any other work environment would I 100 percent agree. However, in our close knit work setting families attend weekend outings together all of the time. Some are divorced and they attend with another couple. When I do not attend my husband will attend or ride with another couple. No big deal.

Idk. Thanks for all of the advice so far and thanks for any advice now.

I did not bring up the bottle to her, nor will I. I won’t write a thank you card and obviously plan to stay out of it. I told my husband it’s very obvious she’s into him and he’s staring to be overly concerned for her. I told him if that I am not overly jealous but it is beginning to cross a line in my book and if that’s what he wants, he can go for it.

You have issues and you need to chill. It's not her fault she's a woman in an all-male environment. You're sexualizing her apparently NORMAL conduct, and it's gross. Treat her like any other coworker of your husbands.

Female work colleague apparently found your thread OP.

No - just someone who can identify hostility towards woman in an all-male work environment. I feel sorry for this woman! Not only does she have to deal with the crap of being the only woman, but her normal behavior is being interpreted as flirtatious by a jealous wife. women are really in a double bind in this kind of situation. If she acted with complete reticence out of fear of being seen as hitting on her coworker, she'd be seen as cold and shut out of crucial socializing and informal networks. If she acts in a friendly manner and develops (normal) relationships with her male coworkers, she's tagged as some kind of homewrecker. If she makes the least mistake in company culture (gifting a bottle of scotch, as opposed to just bringing it to the office and sharing a drink) she's likewise tagged as a Jezebel.

OP stand down. Let your DH handle his professional relationships in a professional manner.

You are either a troll, very naive, or just clueless. You think her behavior is "normal"? I assure you it is not.

Not a troll, not naive. If you can't see how a wife inserting herself into her husbands' workplace due to jealously over a female co-worker is psycho and inappropriate (and possibly risks her husband's job due to a harassment claim) I don't know what to say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without question, based on OP's latest post, there is definitely an emotional attachment by both sides going on. OP, you are a bit of a nervous person and a bit clueless, but you have every reason to be suspicious about this. Watch it closely.

Guy here, btw.

I agree I was a little bit nervous on this one as the flags were starting to arise. I believe my husband completely in that there has not been, nor will there be an affair. He is genuinely sincere and extremely good looking and actually things like this happen often. It’s just this situation, I knew I had to keep an eye on it for my husband’s sake. I am also female and know what is and what is not appropriate behavior and can usually judge a person pretty accurately.

Yes I was suspicious on her side for obvious reasons and like you said my suspicions were correct.

Thanks for your input on the situation!

No, you do not need to defend your husband against his female colleagues. I mean really, WTF? He is (should be) perfectly capable of handling this and discerning whether her conduct is an issue based on professional standards; not based on your hair trigger assumptions of her subjective feelings.

... and furthermore, YOUR interest is in HIS behavior and HIS feelings. You're projecting onto HER. If you feel your husband has inappropriate feelings or conduct, address it with him. Otherwise it's like you're placing the blame for his feelings on HER. Which is truly ugly and harmful.

I did address it with him. He admitted that he may have crossed the line and apologized for making me feel uncomfortable last night. He also admitted, even before last night that HER behavior was a bit aggressive. His words first. I did not project on to her until my husband mentioned it first. My husband said they BOTH were at fault last night.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update.

So last night for cocktail hour my husband and I were chatting with another couple. It was a bit crowded but outside and the entrance was to my back. She literally bounced in the circle and rubbed up against his shoulder with a half hug all while laughing. It was a strange approach. She then saw me got a little wide eyes and moved around my husband and onto the other couple. I don’t attend these often and I am sure she was surprised. She didn’t speak at all to me, which is fine. I was bothered by her entrance dance and hug though a little I guess.

Before, during and at the end of dinner my husband mentioned at least three times that he was worried about where she was sitting and whom she was sitting with, since she was not at the three tables that the other “10” were at. He was worried that she didn’t get the same treatment as the rest of the 9 guys.

This am I finally brought it up to him and he admitted that he was surprised she completely ignored me again tonight. I asked about the liquor and he admitted that it was a bit much. He said if one of his buddies of the group of 10 had a bad day or week he would bring a bottle to the guys office, share a drink and brink the bottle home. His almost $75- $100 (i looked it up) bottle is still at his office apparently unopened. Bottles of liquor are norm for transfers, going always, not bad days typically in this setting. He also said that they do not talk or text outside of meetings when i asked this am. Maybe they don’t text but I am sure they talk in person or phones or both.

Idk, honestly I am a bit on edge with it. I feel like the behavior is on the line almost crossing into too much of an emotional friendship. I believe 100 percent there is not an affair, nor do I believe my husband has the hots for her. She is not his type as she is a bit heavy and just average. I believe that he is friendly with her as he is with everyone and maybe she is obviously confusing these friendly feelings with a true relationship.

Also, again I understand it may feel weird that we invited her to an outing. Absolutely in any other work environment would I 100 percent agree. However, in our close knit work setting families attend weekend outings together all of the time. Some are divorced and they attend with another couple. When I do not attend my husband will attend or ride with another couple. No big deal.

Idk. Thanks for all of the advice so far and thanks for any advice now.

I did not bring up the bottle to her, nor will I. I won’t write a thank you card and obviously plan to stay out of it. I told my husband it’s very obvious she’s into him and he’s staring to be overly concerned for her. I told him if that I am not overly jealous but it is beginning to cross a line in my book and if that’s what he wants, he can go for it.

You have issues and you need to chill. It's not her fault she's a woman in an all-male environment. You're sexualizing her apparently NORMAL conduct, and it's gross. Treat her like any other coworker of your husbands.

Female work colleague apparently found your thread OP.

No - just someone who can identify hostility towards woman in an all-male work environment. I feel sorry for this woman! Not only does she have to deal with the crap of being the only woman, but her normal behavior is being interpreted as flirtatious by a jealous wife. women are really in a double bind in this kind of situation. If she acted with complete reticence out of fear of being seen as hitting on her coworker, she'd be seen as cold and shut out of crucial socializing and informal networks. If she acts in a friendly manner and develops (normal) relationships with her male coworkers, she's tagged as some kind of homewrecker. If she makes the least mistake in company culture (gifting a bottle of scotch, as opposed to just bringing it to the office and sharing a drink) she's likewise tagged as a Jezebel.

OP stand down. Let your DH handle his professional relationships in a professional manner.

You are either a troll, very naive, or just clueless. You think her behavior is "normal"? I assure you it is not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without question, based on OP's latest post, there is definitely an emotional attachment by both sides going on. OP, you are a bit of a nervous person and a bit clueless, but you have every reason to be suspicious about this. Watch it closely.

Guy here, btw.

I agree I was a little bit nervous on this one as the flags were starting to arise. I believe my husband completely in that there has not been, nor will there be an affair. He is genuinely sincere and extremely good looking and actually things like this happen often. It’s just this situation, I knew I had to keep an eye on it for my husband’s sake. I am also female and know what is and what is not appropriate behavior and can usually judge a person pretty accurately.

Yes I was suspicious on her side for obvious reasons and like you said my suspicions were correct.

Thanks for your input on the situation!

No, you do not need to defend your husband against his female colleagues. I mean really, WTF? He is (should be) perfectly capable of handling this and discerning whether her conduct is an issue based on professional standards; not based on your hair trigger assumptions of her subjective feelings.

I am letting my husband handle the situation. He was handling it before i said anything and will continue to handle it. I just let him know my feelings on it. He actually agreed with my concerns. Yes I am on a forum asking for advice but in no way have I done or said anything to this coworker. That is for my husband and her to settle. Sometimes my husband is a bit naive to these women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update.

So last night for cocktail hour my husband and I were chatting with another couple. It was a bit crowded but outside and the entrance was to my back. She literally bounced in the circle and rubbed up against his shoulder with a half hug all while laughing. It was a strange approach. She then saw me got a little wide eyes and moved around my husband and onto the other couple. I don’t attend these often and I am sure she was surprised. She didn’t speak at all to me, which is fine. I was bothered by her entrance dance and hug though a little I guess.

Before, during and at the end of dinner my husband mentioned at least three times that he was worried about where she was sitting and whom she was sitting with, since she was not at the three tables that the other “10” were at. He was worried that she didn’t get the same treatment as the rest of the 9 guys.

This am I finally brought it up to him and he admitted that he was surprised she completely ignored me again tonight. I asked about the liquor and he admitted that it was a bit much. He said if one of his buddies of the group of 10 had a bad day or week he would bring a bottle to the guys office, share a drink and brink the bottle home. His almost $75- $100 (i looked it up) bottle is still at his office apparently unopened. Bottles of liquor are norm for transfers, going always, not bad days typically in this setting. He also said that they do not talk or text outside of meetings when i asked this am. Maybe they don’t text but I am sure they talk in person or phones or both.

Idk, honestly I am a bit on edge with it. I feel like the behavior is on the line almost crossing into too much of an emotional friendship. I believe 100 percent there is not an affair, nor do I believe my husband has the hots for her. She is not his type as she is a bit heavy and just average. I believe that he is friendly with her as he is with everyone and maybe she is obviously confusing these friendly feelings with a true relationship.

Also, again I understand it may feel weird that we invited her to an outing. Absolutely in any other work environment would I 100 percent agree. However, in our close knit work setting families attend weekend outings together all of the time. Some are divorced and they attend with another couple. When I do not attend my husband will attend or ride with another couple. No big deal.

Idk. Thanks for all of the advice so far and thanks for any advice now.

I did not bring up the bottle to her, nor will I. I won’t write a thank you card and obviously plan to stay out of it. I told my husband it’s very obvious she’s into him and he’s staring to be overly concerned for her. I told him if that I am not overly jealous but it is beginning to cross a line in my book and if that’s what he wants, he can go for it.

You have issues and you need to chill. It's not her fault she's a woman in an all-male environment. You're sexualizing her apparently NORMAL conduct, and it's gross. Treat her like any other coworker of your husbands.

Female work colleague apparently found your thread OP.

No - just someone who can identify hostility towards woman in an all-male work environment. I feel sorry for this woman! Not only does she have to deal with the crap of being the only woman, but her normal behavior is being interpreted as flirtatious by a jealous wife. women are really in a double bind in this kind of situation. If she acted with complete reticence out of fear of being seen as hitting on her coworker, she'd be seen as cold and shut out of crucial socializing and informal networks. If she acts in a friendly manner and develops (normal) relationships with her male coworkers, she's tagged as some kind of homewrecker. If she makes the least mistake in company culture (gifting a bottle of scotch, as opposed to just bringing it to the office and sharing a drink) she's likewise tagged as a Jezebel.

OP stand down. Let your DH handle his professional relationships in a professional manner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without question, based on OP's latest post, there is definitely an emotional attachment by both sides going on. OP, you are a bit of a nervous person and a bit clueless, but you have every reason to be suspicious about this. Watch it closely.

Guy here, btw.

I agree I was a little bit nervous on this one as the flags were starting to arise. I believe my husband completely in that there has not been, nor will there be an affair. He is genuinely sincere and extremely good looking and actually things like this happen often. It’s just this situation, I knew I had to keep an eye on it for my husband’s sake. I am also female and know what is and what is not appropriate behavior and can usually judge a person pretty accurately.

Yes I was suspicious on her side for obvious reasons and like you said my suspicions were correct.

Thanks for your input on the situation!

No, you do not need to defend your husband against his female colleagues. I mean really, WTF? He is (should be) perfectly capable of handling this and discerning whether her conduct is an issue based on professional standards; not based on your hair trigger assumptions of her subjective feelings.

... and furthermore, YOUR interest is in HIS behavior and HIS feelings. You're projecting onto HER. If you feel your husband has inappropriate feelings or conduct, address it with him. Otherwise it's like you're placing the blame for his feelings on HER. Which is truly ugly and harmful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without question, based on OP's latest post, there is definitely an emotional attachment by both sides going on. OP, you are a bit of a nervous person and a bit clueless, but you have every reason to be suspicious about this. Watch it closely.

Guy here, btw.

I agree I was a little bit nervous on this one as the flags were starting to arise. I believe my husband completely in that there has not been, nor will there be an affair. He is genuinely sincere and extremely good looking and actually things like this happen often. It’s just this situation, I knew I had to keep an eye on it for my husband’s sake. I am also female and know what is and what is not appropriate behavior and can usually judge a person pretty accurately.

Yes I was suspicious on her side for obvious reasons and like you said my suspicions were correct.

Thanks for your input on the situation!

No, you do not need to defend your husband against his female colleagues. I mean really, WTF? He is (should be) perfectly capable of handling this and discerning whether her conduct is an issue based on professional standards; not based on your hair trigger assumptions of her subjective feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without question, based on OP's latest post, there is definitely an emotional attachment by both sides going on. OP, you are a bit of a nervous person and a bit clueless, but you have every reason to be suspicious about this. Watch it closely.

Guy here, btw.

I agree I was a little bit nervous on this one as the flags were starting to arise. I believe my husband completely in that there has not been, nor will there be an affair. He is genuinely sincere and extremely good looking and actually things like this happen often. It’s just this situation, I knew I had to keep an eye on it for my husband’s sake. I am also female and know what is and what is not appropriate behavior and can usually judge a person pretty accurately.

Yes I was suspicious on her side for obvious reasons and like you said my suspicions were correct.

Thanks for your input on the situation!

No, you do not need to defend your husband against his female colleagues. I mean really, WTF? He is (should be) perfectly capable of handling this and discerning whether her conduct is an issue based on professional standards; not based on your hair trigger assumptions of her subjective feelings.