Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 08:18     Subject: Re:asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a cultural difference. I would never tell a visiting family member to take a cab or uber. Most minority cultures are like that. Still not you fault, your husband should have known better and explained it to you when you made the suggestion. You and the baby should not even have been involved. I'm on a mixed culture marriage. The same thing happens when it comes to houseguest, taking care of families etc. I just expect more out of adults.


Midwestern white here.

No one where I am from would ever do what OP and "grown ass" would do either.

I think it is a DC thing.

This is a very selfish, self centered, entitled area and has been for many years, at least the past 10 years (before the orange guy)
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 08:16     Subject: Re:asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
I would never ask a guest to take a cab or Uber/Lyft from the airport. How rude.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 08:11     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're living my life!

My SIL said, "my flight gets in at 6:15am but because it's so early I can take an Uber if you want." I said if you don't mind taking an Uber, that'd be great and I'd reimburse.

That was, apparently, the WRONG answer to that statement. My MIL has not let me forget it once. She was on the phone with my husband before my SIL even arrived at our house about how rude we were being. Now when my MIL comes to visit, no matter what time her flight gets in, she'll passive aggressively say, "I get in at 2 PM but I'll just Uber since it's probably going to be too much work for you to pick me up." And then we have to go through the motions of "begging" her not to do that and tell her how happy we are to pick her up. It's total BS. My SIL wasn't even upset about having to take the Uber. She texted her mom (my MIL) that she'd arrived and was in the Uber to our house and MIL flipped out that we didn't choose to pick her up instead. Five years I've dealt with this BS it since that fateful mistake.


What? Don't go along with her passive-aggression.

When she suggests taking an Uber, just say, "ok!" and that you're looking forward to seeing her.


That's what I'd do.

SIL: "I guess I'll just take an Uber b/c picking me up is such a hassle."
Me: ok. Looking forward to seeing you.

Then if she or MIL say anything: "I"m not having this discussion about how an adult gets to/from the airport. Frankly, I would have picked her up this time but since you all have made such a big deal about it, I've decided to let you guys work it out on your own and let me know what you want me to do. She said she was taking an Uber. And that's fine with me. I'm not going to beg her to pick her up."
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 08:10     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think families are just different. Some here see a visitor as a nuisance - there attitude is fine, as long as I don't have to lift a finger and do anything for you...then great visit. If you want to use your time and money to come here, that is your choice, don't expect me to be appreciative.

Other people see family and friends and visitors very differently.

In my family we always pick each other up at the airport. The idea of 'find your own way to our house if you want to come' is foreign to us. It sounds like OPs DH also comes from a family that has stronger bonds and appreciates visits and OP just sees having to entertain her SIL as a nuisance

We also do other things for each other, we do give time and money towards each other - and it is reciprocal. You are flying there and spending money to see us, we appreciate that so we will do x and y for you.

There are a lot of people who truly feel they should never do anything for anyone else. That their own needs and wants are all that matters and they feel entitled to be as self centered as they want to be.


Nope. People don't think they should have to do things for someone else that a FULLY GROWN ASS ADULT should be able to do for themselves. Just like the OP doesn't expect the SIL to pick her up at the airport. Enough with this co-dependent BS. Learn to do things for yourself.


How joyless your life must be if doing for others is such an inconvenience for you.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 08:09     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have not read the whole thread but I would feel so incredibly bad if I made a family member wake up to pick me up in person at 6 am. Cannot imagine being that entitled!


You're missing the point that many family members would feel so incredibly bad if they didn't go pick up their visiting relatives from the airport, etc, and they insist on doing it.


Not all of us base our everyday decisions on guilt. It’s impractical for an able-bodied adult to except hosts to drive two hours to pick them up at 6am in the morning.


You're confusing guilt with feelings of wanting to do for family members. You do you, babe.


“Many family members would feel so incredibly bad” doesn’t sound like wanting to do anything.


We're obviously from different cultures. When I really want to do something thoughtful for someone, I feel so incredibly bad? sad? whatever you want to call it? when it doesn't work out. It's an expression. For me, it's not the same as I feel guilty.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 08:08     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
I think the real question here is why can your one year old not sleep through the night yet?

And why is your one year old such a bad sleeper that both you and your husband are up all night, every night, to the point that (as OP said earlier) neither one of you have slept in days?

One year olds do not nurse every few hours and generally sleep a solid block of time at night.

If your one year old was still waking you up every few hours and crying through the night, then you really should have been speaking to your doctor because something was very wrong with her.

Also, if you gave your SIL a song and dance about how your husband could not pick her up because your toddler does not sleep through the night, and the kid slept a typical amount of time while SIL was there, you guys probably came off as lying to avoid being hassled.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 08:02     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
She chose the cheap, inconvenient red eye to save herself money. Fine. But that shouldn’t be your problem. And many of us would rather spend $90 on a Lyft than drive 2+ hours round trip. SIL is in the wrong. Tell her to fly to DCA next time. When you have a young kid, you can get a lot of visitors. We stopped doing airport pickups/dropoffs because we were doing ~20 per year on top of kids, jobs, and major commutes. And our guests would see the easy drive with them to the early flight but not the 2.5 hour one back on 495 in traffic.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 07:54     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
It seems you made the suggestion without realizing the angst she’d cause. If your DH knew your suggestion was going to make drama, he should have just stepped in and announced that no, he’d be happy to go pick up Princess early in the morning. If he didn’t know she’d react that way, he now says, “You still seem upset after your visit. We didn’t know suggesting Lyft was going to cause you anxiety and I’m sorry we suggested it.” You ignore the whole thing and count your blessings that she’s less likely to come back! If she does, you let DH manage all logistics and tell him that you defer to him since he knows her personality best. Wipe hands and enjoy your baby!
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 07:11     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have not read the whole thread but I would feel so incredibly bad if I made a family member wake up to pick me up in person at 6 am. Cannot imagine being that entitled!


You're missing the point that many family members would feel so incredibly bad if they didn't go pick up their visiting relatives from the airport, etc, and they insist on doing it.


Not all of us base our everyday decisions on guilt. It’s impractical for an able-bodied adult to except hosts to drive two hours to pick them up at 6am in the morning.


You sound so white American. That’s why people hate american/American culture. So impersonal and business like.


But I’m not. I’m a brown immigrant and so are my family members. All of us are resourceful and don’t going around acting like victims.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 07:09     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
SIL is used to being the doted upon little sister. She’s being a little B.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 07:09     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have not read the whole thread but I would feel so incredibly bad if I made a family member wake up to pick me up in person at 6 am. Cannot imagine being that entitled!


You're missing the point that many family members would feel so incredibly bad if they didn't go pick up their visiting relatives from the airport, etc, and they insist on doing it.


Not all of us base our everyday decisions on guilt. It’s impractical for an able-bodied adult to except hosts to drive two hours to pick them up at 6am in the morning.


You sound so white American. That’s why people hate american/American culture. So impersonal and business like.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 07:07     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have not read the whole thread but I would feel so incredibly bad if I made a family member wake up to pick me up in person at 6 am. Cannot imagine being that entitled!


You're missing the point that many family members would feel so incredibly bad if they didn't go pick up their visiting relatives from the airport, etc, and they insist on doing it.


Not all of us base our everyday decisions on guilt. It’s impractical for an able-bodied adult to except hosts to drive two hours to pick them up at 6am in the morning.


You're confusing guilt with feelings of wanting to do for family members. You do you, babe.


And I do. None of my family members are as silly as OP’s SIL, thankfully. And if someone does need to be picked up for whatever reason, they would do the hosts a consideration of planning together at a time and place that’s convenient for all involved.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 07:05     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have not read the whole thread but I would feel so incredibly bad if I made a family member wake up to pick me up in person at 6 am. Cannot imagine being that entitled!


You're missing the point that many family members would feel so incredibly bad if they didn't go pick up their visiting relatives from the airport, etc, and they insist on doing it.


Not all of us base our everyday decisions on guilt. It’s impractical for an able-bodied adult to except hosts to drive two hours to pick them up at 6am in the morning.


You're confusing guilt with feelings of wanting to do for family members. You do you, babe.


“Many family members would feel so incredibly bad” doesn’t sound like wanting to do anything.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 06:48     Subject: asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have not read the whole thread but I would feel so incredibly bad if I made a family member wake up to pick me up in person at 6 am. Cannot imagine being that entitled!


You're missing the point that many family members would feel so incredibly bad if they didn't go pick up their visiting relatives from the airport, etc, and they insist on doing it.


Not all of us base our everyday decisions on guilt. It’s impractical for an able-bodied adult to except hosts to drive two hours to pick them up at 6am in the morning.


You're confusing guilt with feelings of wanting to do for family members. You do you, babe.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2018 06:45     Subject: Re:asked visiting SIL to take Lyft from airport and caused much drama...
Sounds like a cultural difference. I would never tell a visiting family member to take a cab or uber. Most minority cultures are like that. Still not you fault, your husband should have known better and explained it to you when you made the suggestion. You and the baby should not even have been involved. I'm on a mixed culture marriage. The same thing happens when it comes to houseguest, taking care of families etc. I just expect more out of adults.