Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

You are being far too rational. Don’t you know that Larla and Larla are the stars of the show and EVERYONE at the reception will be wondering where they are?!?

but feelings

Heh.

Anonymous wrote:I do think the bride and groom can set a no kids rule and everyone else should accept that and not complain about it. BUT I don’t think Brides and Grooms can have it both ways. You don’t invite kids to be part of the ceremony so that you have your perfect set of attendants and cute pics - and then exclude them from the reception. If the kids are part of the wedding party they should be invited to the reception.

100% this. They are invited or not. Can’t have it both ways. I’d send DH and stay home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

You are being far too rational. Don’t you know that Larla and Larla are the stars of the show and EVERYONE at the reception will be wondering where they are?!?

but feelings

Anonymous wrote:Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

You are being far too rational. Don’t you know that Larla and Larla are the stars of the show and EVERYONE at the reception will be wondering where they are?!?

Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

1. It is objectively rude to exclude members of the wedding party from the reception. Doesn't matter what age they are. It's a huge breach of etiquette.

2. A 10 and 6 year old will know what they're missing out on and be hurt. They are absolutely old enough to behave through dinner and a few dances. The 3 year old may be too - depending on her temperament. My daughter was a flower girl at 2 and was fine. Sat nicely through dinner, twirled around on the dance floor for 2 songs, then we left.

3. How you proceed is up to you and your DH. Personally, I'm not so wealthy that I would spend $6000 to get my kids' feeling hurt. But, if you think you'll otherwise all have a good time at this resort, there's certainly a good argument to be made for keeping fill peace.

Anonymous wrote:Save three airfares, clothes, second hotel room and get a sitter. You will have more fun and so will your kids.

This. You will have much more fun anyway without he kids. DH should let his brother know you’ve discussed it and the two of you prefer to make it a vacation for yourselves. Don’t add to the drama. BIL and future SIL will likely look back on this when they have kids and realize they were out of line. You won’t be able to convince them of it now so why stir up drama.

Save three airfares, clothes, second hotel room and get a sitter. You will have more fun and so will your kids.

Anonymous wrote:It is truly strange that some people decide that because they have kids, they are entitled to change the parameters of an invitation.

Your only options are to accept or decline. The end.
.

Agree.

I think this is pretty crappy of the couple to do. But it's their choice. If you were flying out just for the wedding and reception and then home, I'd leave the kids behind entirely. But since you are making a vacation of it, it won't kill the kids to spend one night on their own with a sitter (since you are comfortable with a sitter). Just tell them it's an adults-only party and they can have their own kid party with pizza and cake, or the resort equivalent, and the movie of their choice. They may be disappointed but thems the breaks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When SIL got married my kids were in the wedding. She was open about not really wanting kids at the reception. She hired a couple of babysitters that kept the kids entertained in an adjoining room and brought them in a couple of times. Kids loved it.

Then why did she want them in the wedding? Cute Photo op?

What is with the wedding photo obsession? Nobody even looks at wedding photos after everything is over. ack.

Okay then, why have a child ring bearer and flower girl? So the congregation can ooh and aah?

Point is, there is no good reason to have children in your wedding party if you do not want them to actually participate in the celebrating as you would any other party member. A wedding will somehow go on without a ring bearer and flower girl.

+1 I’ve been to many weddings without child attendants. This is the height of rudeness not to include the children in the reception. Everyone would understand why they are at the reception even if there was a no child policy for the rest of the guests. DH needs to take this up with his sibling and insist on the inclusion of your children or none of you attend the reception.

This is hardly a threat, as the wedding couple will probably be happy to save the $x per plate, and they still get their cute photos and have their adorable ring bearer and flower girl. It’s a win win win for them.

I’d let them know that the children will neither be participating in the wedding party, nor will anyone attend the reception. The family can then Do whatever they want most of the day as a family, other than attending the ceremony.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When SIL got married my kids were in the wedding. She was open about not really wanting kids at the reception. She hired a couple of babysitters that kept the kids entertained in an adjoining room and brought them in a couple of times. Kids loved it.

Then why did she want them in the wedding? Cute Photo op?

What is with the wedding photo obsession? Nobody even looks at wedding photos after everything is over. ack.

Okay then, why have a child ring bearer and flower girl? So the congregation can ooh and aah?

Point is, there is no good reason to have children in your wedding party if you do not want them to actually participate in the celebrating as you would any other party member. A wedding will somehow go on without a ring bearer and flower girl.

+1 I’ve been to many weddings without child attendants. This is the height of rudeness not to include the children in the reception. Everyone would understand why they are at the reception even if there was a no child policy for the rest of the guests. DH needs to take this up with his sibling and insist on the inclusion of your children or none of you attend the reception.

Anonymous wrote:It is unbelievably rude to invite a guest to the ceremony but not the reception. Especially if they are in the wedding party!

+100
The ceremony is what you suffer through to get to the good stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When SIL got married my kids were in the wedding. She was open about not really wanting kids at the reception. She hired a couple of babysitters that kept the kids entertained in an adjoining room and brought them in a couple of times. Kids loved it.

Then why did she want them in the wedding? Cute Photo op?

What is with the wedding photo obsession? Nobody even looks at wedding photos after everything is over. ack.

Okay then, why have a child ring bearer and flower girl? So the congregation can ooh and aah?

Point is, there is no good reason to have children in your wedding party if you do not want them to actually participate in the celebrating as you would any other party member. A wedding will somehow go on without a ring bearer and flower girl.

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it’s the height of rudeness to not invite members of the wedding party (which the children are) to the reception.

Agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When SIL got married my kids were in the wedding. She was open about not really wanting kids at the reception. She hired a couple of babysitters that kept the kids entertained in an adjoining room and brought them in a couple of times. Kids loved it.

Then why did she want them in the wedding? Cute Photo op?

What is with the wedding photo obsession? Nobody even looks at wedding photos after everything is over. ack.