Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford it. Get her the ring. She is going to wear it every dang day and it will make her happy. Screw the haters on here saying otherwise.

didn't he say he makes $250K? no, it is not wise for him to spend more than 10% of his gross salary on a ring.

Oh please. Its a big salary, he can afford it, my husband spent 25% of his salary to get my ring it was 18k. Game on. I love it. I love him; and I love him for knowing the ring that blew my socks off 16 years ago, would still enjoy today!!

Hood rich!!

Not even close, just a man who knew that upgrading later a ring later is not something he wanted to do. But nice try, I'll take my upper NW home and European summer vacations. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My girlfriend isn’t high maintence. She has never said she needs a ring of X value. She mentioned to her friend that she loves Asscher cut style rings, and when I did some looking, a good quality diamond and carat is expensive. Asscher cut sits lower, so 1.5-2.5 is ideal for that cut, which is expensive. She also like round. I don’t want to get her something she won’t like, but $30+ on a diamond is nuts. For reference, I make $250k and she makes $130k.

Listen, OP....this is insane money (and we make over 1M a year and I'm saying this)...money that could be invested, could be used for your future kid(s) college fund.

Tell her this: She will be a target to get robbed. And the first thing they'll do is cut off her finger for that ring. Not kidding; this happened to someone I know (and she was with her kids, too, ugh).

And if you size it loose, she'll lose it (I lost my ring that way; we found it but yikes).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring she'll have forever.

Trust me, get the ring.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and my husband could only afford a $10k ring at the time. 15 years later the truth is, that ring is so small! I rarely wear it anymore. I'd love to upgrade to something bigger but can't figure out how to broach the topic.

girl, bye

I knew someone would say something like this but it's all anonymous and it's the truth. Wouldn't this guy rather have his eyes opened now?

The truth is, she'll be disappointed if he cheaps out now.

My SIL has all but outright said that she wishes my brother bought her a smaller ring. She loves the setting, but she's tiny...and I think she feels like it overwhelms her hand. Not everyone feels this way. I would have been really upset if my DH had dropped $30K on an engagement ring...since I didn't even want one!

Anonymous wrote:You're nuts. I make $250K and spent $12K on my wife's ring, and it's a very nice ring. $10K-$20K is not uncommon at your income, but $30K is pretty over the top unless you have a LOT in savings so you don't have to think about 20% downpayments on a home etc. Annual insurance (which you must have) on the ring will probably be $250+ FWIW.

OP has stated that he already owns a condo, so while it's not all liquid, it seems he's got a comfortable savings cushion.

I think that OP could afford the $30K-$40K ring, I just don't think he feels like it's a good financial decision. Listening to those instincts is probably why he owns a condo in his early 30s in Chicago. I personally think over-emotionalizing this decision could breed some resentment. If OP's GF is the type who really will only want this one large piece of jewelry (there are many such people), then doubling his comfort level budget might be reasonable. But if, like me, she's apt to want more fine jewelry throughout her life (albeit not quite as expensive), then it might not make sense.

I totally get the desire to surprise her, but a purchase of this magnitude with the expectation that someone will wear it daily for the rest of their lives really does warrant a joint conversation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring she'll have forever.

Trust me, get the ring.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and my husband could only afford a $10k ring at the time. 15 years later the truth is, that ring is so small! I rarely wear it anymore. I'd love to upgrade to something bigger but can't figure out how to broach the topic.

girl, bye

I knew someone would say something like this but it's all anonymous and it's the truth. Wouldn't this guy rather have his eyes opened now?

The truth is, she'll be disappointed if he cheaps out now.

And he will be disappointed later that he married a shallow, materialistic harpy. I truly hope his eyes are opened now.

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring she'll have forever.

Trust me, get the ring.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and my husband could only afford a $10k ring at the time. 15 years later the truth is, that ring is so small! I rarely wear it anymore. I'd love to upgrade to something bigger but can't figure out how to broach the topic.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and could only snag a flat-chested woman at the time. 15 years later the truth, her breasts are so small! I rarely touch them anymore. I'd love to upgrade to huge implants but can't figure out how to broach the subject.

I wanted an Asscher and ended up with a round brilliant. We treated it like a joint expense and shooed together because we joined our money after marriage anyway. My husband wanted to get me 1 carat. I wanted 1.5. I paid 2/3 the cost and he paid 1/3. At the time I was making 4x as much as he was and I wanted a ring that was similar to my friends and reflected where I was at earning and career wise vs. his grad school / post-doc stipend.

Looking at Asschers in person and trying on 1, 1.5 and 2ct options is what helped me decide on the ring I got.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring she'll have forever.

Trust me, get the ring.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and my husband could only afford a $10k ring at the time. 15 years later the truth is, that ring is so small! I rarely wear it anymore. I'd love to upgrade to something bigger but can't figure out how to broach the topic.

Only a $10k ring at 23? Oh, poor you!

Yeah but now she's 40 and wants a 40k ring

What size is your ring? That is kind of crazy to be upset about a $10k ring.

We got engaged when my DH was 27 and in law school (i.e. made no money). I have a 1.25 carat ring and two eternity bands. I don't want anything else. I love my ring and would never want to "upgrade" just for the sake of having a bigger ring. DH now makes close to $400K but priorities change over the years. I want to save for my kids college and finish my basement not have a new $40K ring!

Totally anecdotal, but everyone I know with larger/expensive rings seems to be in the under 200K or over 500K HHI groups. The ones in the middle seem to be less interested in that stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring she'll have forever.

Trust me, get the ring.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and my husband could only afford a $10k ring at the time. 15 years later the truth is, that ring is so small! I rarely wear it anymore. I'd love to upgrade to something bigger but can't figure out how to broach the topic.

Only a $10k ring at 23? Oh, poor you!

Yeah but now she's 40 and wants a 40k ring

And he probably wants a new 23 year old wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring she'll have forever.

Trust me, get the ring.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and my husband could only afford a $10k ring at the time. 15 years later the truth is, that ring is so small! I rarely wear it anymore. I'd love to upgrade to something bigger but can't figure out how to broach the topic.

Only a $10k ring at 23? Oh, poor you!

Yeah but now she's 40 and wants a 40k ring

What size is your ring? That is kind of crazy to be upset about a $10k ring.

We got engaged when my DH was 27 and in law school (i.e. made no money). I have a 1.25 carat ring and two eternity bands. I don't want anything else. I love my ring and would never want to "upgrade" just for the sake of having a bigger ring. DH now makes close to $400K but priorities change over the years. I want to save for my kids college and finish my basement not have a new $40K ring!

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you want the ring to be a surprise, but I think you should go casually looking at rings together. You’ll want to find out her size and it will be nice for her to see various rings on her finger. There was a style I loved in pictures and really really didn’t like it on my finger. I also have small fingers, which I never really realized, so a smaller stone looked more proportional. I tried on a wide range of styles in two different stores (they were near each other, this only took maybe an hour or two) and told him what I liked and didn’t like. He picked out he ring that he liked, that he thought I would like, and that fit his budget. I have no idea how much it cost!

Yup. Go and try some rings on. Don't look at price tags, just see what you like, try on some things you aren't sure about, etc. I never thought of myself as having small hands, but the bigger rings looked like Superbowl rings on me. Plus, you get professionally sized. And I don't know how much my ring cost, either. Probably not nearly enough for some of the posters here, but it's pretty and I love it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can afford it. Get her the ring. She is going to wear it every dang day and it will make her happy. Screw the haters on here saying otherwise.

didn't he say he makes $250K? no, it is not wise for him to spend more than 10% of his gross salary on a ring.

Oh please. Its a big salary, he can afford it, my husband spent 25% of his salary to get my ring it was 18k. Game on. I love it. I love him; and I love him for knowing the ring that blew my socks off 16 years ago, would still enjoy today!!

Hood rich!!

Anonymous wrote:It is a gift. She either graciously accepts the gift you carefully choose, or she does not.

This is only the tip of a whole lot of life decisions that will reflect your values and priorities. Are the two of you on the same page and compatible? Best to delve into that now.

+100. Woman here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring she'll have forever.

Trust me, get the ring.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and my husband could only afford a $10k ring at the time. 15 years later the truth is, that ring is so small! I rarely wear it anymore. I'd love to upgrade to something bigger but can't figure out how to broach the topic.

Only a $10k ring at 23? Oh, poor you!

Yeah but now she's 40 and wants a 40k ring

Anonymous wrote:Do what my husband did. Take me to the store and show me 5 rings that I could choose from. First say “it’s all OUR money now”.

I picked the one I liked best, but not the most expensive ?

Our solution was to go and try on a bunch of rings. I gave feedback about what styles I liked and didn't, and then he bought a ring in his budget based on that information. So the ring was a surprise, but he had input about what I liked. And I loved the ring he chose.

And she might not know that the ring she likes is that expensive. She's not a child--be honest and open about the cost and your budget.