What about weekend? Should parents split childcare, cooking, dishes, and other every day chores evenly even if one SAH?

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it can be thankless and boring and overwhelming to be the SAHM. If you resent this role, then talk to you spouse and make a change. But as the SAHM (or SAHD), then you have a hard and essential role to play — and should not be fantasizing about some care-free existence. That will come, but not until they are all out of the home...

Agreed. Regardless of who stays at home, man or woman, that person should be responsible for the lion’s share of the chores, running the household, managing kids, etc. What the hell are you doing all day if you SAH but don’t take on that role? It blows my mind that you’d expect a WOH spouse to split it all 50/50 when they are gone 10+ hours per day between commuting and working.

And yes, you can still outsource some stuff if you are SAH. But, unless you’re truly wealthy, I’d expect you to still be doing most of the housework as a way to save the family money.

Yes, it can be thankless and boring and overwhelming to be the SAHM. If you resent this role, then talk to you spouse and make a change. But as the SAHM (or SAHD), then you have a hard and essential role to play — and should not be fantasizing about some care-free existence. That will come, but not until they are all out of the home...

Anonymous wrote:SAHM. 95% of the chores is your job.

I SAHM each summer. I get that it’s boring and exhausting doing chores and errands. But your DH is keeping the bills paid by going to a job that is probably also boring and exhausting.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Go back to work, and outsource more chores.
This will help balance the power differential.

Either you commit to being a SAHM and all the crap work that goes with it. Or you work.
Even better if you find a night or weekend job. That will force DH to step up and feed/bathe the kids, take them to activites, etc.

Unfortunately, I've seen too many couples divorce, messy and costly, and the mom goes back to work, and the dad eventually starts stepping up. and it takes years to get functioning normally and they are both much poorer.
If you go back to work, you can avoid all this.

Divorce is the single worst financial decision you can ever make.

+1. I have a relative that works a night/weekend job a few hours each week and besides giving her the opportunity to be with adults I think it was very necessary for her marriage so she wouldn’t be expected to do everything. There were evenings I called and her DH said he was making dinner for the kids, his wife was working. I’m fairly if she was home all day with the kids and not working at all, her DH would not have cooked or been on deck with the kids during the work week.

With some of the chores that aren’t outsourced, some should be done on the weekend while the other person has the kids. So if you are doing lawn care on Sunday, he is in the house with the kids or vice versa. You go grocery shopping on Saturday morning while he has the kids at home or Vice versa. Deep cleaning should be outsourced. Kids should be learning to pick up after themselves. It should really be laundry, dishes, and meals daily and have a set schedule/time to do it like nap time/quiet time for dishes and you have dinner that can go in the oven versus cooked on stovetop or that can be started once he gets home. Figure out how to simplify your life to the bare minimum, then give DH a few choices like do you want to do bedtime with the kids or clean up the kitchen tonight? Figure out how to work in free time/down time for yourself, be it by getting a helper a few days a week, having one or two days during the week where you go to work out after DH gets home or which morning you get to sleep in on the weekend.

As for not respecting you etc, people have different things but they value. I’m exaggerating but say you wanted to cook a 5 course meal every night. Personally, I would be happy with sloppy joe, pizza, and quick and easy meals that I grew up with being a latch key kid with two working parents with long commutes. You are never going to get me to offer to take over cooking a 5 course meal because I don’t see the point of all that time and all that mess to be cleaned up on a daily basis. That’s not to say I wouldn’t eat the meal, but I don’t value it enough for the tradeoff, be it 30 minutes less of unwind time to cook this meal. If this was the hill you would die on, my spouse must help cook a 5 course meal everyday because doesn’t he/she see I’m overworked doing this and doesn’t he/she love me, I would think you either need to do less, outsource it or get another spouse that wants the same thing. The things your husband iisnt doing he either doesn’t value it or thinks you enjoy doing it or expects you to do so as part of being a SAHM. You need to negotiate the things he also values so you aren’t expected to do it all and drop/cut back or outsource the chores he doesn’t care about and you don’t enjoy doing.

This may be off-topic but I couldn't find a thread that was right for my situation. I am getting on in age, and I want to hire a full-time housekeeper to clean house and do what is euphemistically called "senior care": cooking, buying groceries, cleaning, etc. Problem is, I am physically fit and healthy for my age, and my wife is against it. (She works full-time & is quite a bit younger than me. She does a lot of housework, but it is a burden on her. I try to do a share but it is not enough, I know.) I suspect she will be jealous having a younger woman in the house. But it has to be a younger woman, given my age!

Wow OP. You are incredibly immature. Referencing guys snap chatting you? Grow up.

Is it really a chores issue? I have been a WOHM and I am now a SAHM. I am not a person who is very capable in running a house and neither is dh. So we outsource and we do things in fits and starts. I have not done more chores staying at home than when I was working.

I think your problem is that you are bored and need excitement in the form of sexual attention from other men. You are playing with the future of your children. Beware.

Op sounds like he privileged type who is upset she has to do anything. It seems like she expected to stay at home and have kids, but have her husband and other people do it all. Now that her fairytale isn’t reality, she is spending her days cheating on her husband. You have such low morals. Many marriages have ups and downs, but you don’t hear just because you feel overwhelmed. As the saying goes..you can’t turn a h*e into a housewife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM, really, the title "Divorce over lack of chores?", that might be the title of the year. This is insane. It is insane that the DH is so lazy, and yet the OP is insane, for a) NOT communicating her desire for DH to act like an adult and to out, and, b) her sneaky little chats w other guys.
Many have suggested many great ideas and soluitions, but, put this in your pipe and smoke it: they might be perfect for each other. Think of the ramifications if either or both of them entered the dating pool....

You’re an idiot. I have communicated it to him. What do you do when nothing changes?

Well, clearly if nothing changes, then by all means exchange sexts w other men. OP: your actions seem to ignore the very kids, the associated work and time they take up, that you started bitching about on this post. Apparently you already decided that yes, no chores can lead to divorce. So, instead of proceeding like a normal adult and parent, and starting divorce proceedings, you go behind his back to contact other males. I disagree; I am not an idiot, but there is no doubt that you are a skank.
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