Anonymous
06/10/2018 22:22
Subject: Wife is jealous over a conversation I had
I have lunch, coffee, extended hallway/conference conversations with guys outside of my team to talk about work all the time. Coworkers think I'm a complete wh*re. If I could convince them I'm not sleeping with or even flirting with any of them, they would still think I'm a wh*re, because women shouldn't network. They should be too busy juggling work and home to network. That's for the guys to talk shop over beer.
Anonymous
06/10/2018 20:21
Subject: Wife is jealous over a conversation I had
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PP here. Oh and I’m not even a huge hockey fan yet I was late taking my daughter to school because I was up celebrating the win. I was also exhausted the next day yet was totally up for happy hour by the evening. I ended up on FaceTime for hours with a friend overseas.
Wait. I wrote that. I talk to friends for a long time. I talk to my mom for hours. I talk to people I randomly meet in line or the playground or in my work cafeteria for like ten minutes, then I either exchange information or I don’t, but I move on with my day. If I am meeting someone for lunch or coffee, then of course I can talk for a long period of time. But it has literally never happened that I have met someone in line to get food, then invited them to sit with me, then continued to talk for longer than it takes to eat my food/drink my coffee. I am just surprised that other people do this all of the time, and I have never noticed.
Do you work? Have you ever attended work-related conferences? That sort of thing could easily happen when you meet someone in a similar profession.
I do. I am a psychiatrist, and I have lunch every day in a physicians lounge with people I know and don’t know. I have made a lot of friends from around the hospital that way.
I attend APA and other conferences sometimes. I typically hang out with my friends from residency or from my current hospital and their friends. I do talk to other people, but it is usually small talk lasting a few minutes, or we discover we have a lot in common and exchange information with plans to get together later.
But in OP’s case, there was the general small talk, and more specific talk about his dd having an interest in the same college, major and profession. I can see how that might turn into a longer conversation.
And we all know damn well that if he’s getting this much grief for talking to a PYT over coffee, if he made plans to pick her brain more at a later date, even if it’s to help his dd, the wife and all her supporters here would bring out the torches and pitchforks for him exchanging numbers with the young professional who works in the same field.
Her friend sounds like a busybody and the wife and friend sound like they thrive on drama.
Anonymous
06/10/2018 20:01
Subject: Wife is jealous over a conversation I had
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PP here. Oh and I’m not even a huge hockey fan yet I was late taking my daughter to school because I was up celebrating the win. I was also exhausted the next day yet was totally up for happy hour by the evening. I ended up on FaceTime for hours with a friend overseas.
Wait. I wrote that. I talk to friends for a long time. I talk to my mom for hours. I talk to people I randomly meet in line or the playground or in my work cafeteria for like ten minutes, then I either exchange information or I don’t, but I move on with my day. If I am meeting someone for lunch or coffee, then of course I can talk for a long period of time. But it has literally never happened that I have met someone in line to get food, then invited them to sit with me, then continued to talk for longer than it takes to eat my food/drink my coffee. I am just surprised that other people do this all of the time, and I have never noticed.
Do you work? Have you ever attended work-related conferences? That sort of thing could easily happen when you meet someone in a similar profession.
I do. I am a psychiatrist, and I have lunch every day in a physicians lounge with people I know and don’t know. I have made a lot of friends from around the hospital that way.
I attend APA and other conferences sometimes. I typically hang out with my friends from residency or from my current hospital and their friends. I do talk to other people, but it is usually small talk lasting a few minutes, or we discover we have a lot in common and exchange information with plans to get together later.
Anonymous
06/10/2018 19:42
Subject: Wife is jealous over a conversation I had
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PP here. Oh and I’m not even a huge hockey fan yet I was late taking my daughter to school because I was up celebrating the win. I was also exhausted the next day yet was totally up for happy hour by the evening. I ended up on FaceTime for hours with a friend overseas.
Wait. I wrote that. I talk to friends for a long time. I talk to my mom for hours. I talk to people I randomly meet in line or the playground or in my work cafeteria for like ten minutes, then I either exchange information or I don’t, but I move on with my day. If I am meeting someone for lunch or coffee, then of course I can talk for a long period of time. But it has literally never happened that I have met someone in line to get food, then invited them to sit with me, then continued to talk for longer than it takes to eat my food/drink my coffee. I am just surprised that other people do this all of the time, and I have never noticed.
Do you work? Have you ever attended work-related conferences? That sort of thing could easily happen when you meet someone in a similar profession.
Anonymous
06/10/2018 19:15
Subject: Wife is jealous over a conversation I had
Anonymous wrote:PP here. Oh and I’m not even a huge hockey fan yet I was late taking my daughter to school because I was up celebrating the win. I was also exhausted the next day yet was totally up for happy hour by the evening. I ended up on FaceTime for hours with a friend overseas.
Wait. I wrote that. I talk to friends for a long time. I talk to my mom for hours. I talk to people I randomly meet in line or the playground or in my work cafeteria for like ten minutes, then I either exchange information or I don’t, but I move on with my day. If I am meeting someone for lunch or coffee, then of course I can talk for a long period of time. But it has literally never happened that I have met someone in line to get food, then invited them to sit with me, then continued to talk for longer than it takes to eat my food/drink my coffee. I am just surprised that other people do this all of the time, and I have never noticed.
Anonymous
06/10/2018 18:24
Subject: Wife is jealous over a conversation I had
PP here. Oh and I’m not even a huge hockey fan yet I was late taking my daughter to school because I was up celebrating the win. I was also exhausted the next day yet was totally up for happy hour by the evening. I ended up on FaceTime for hours with a friend overseas.
Anonymous
06/10/2018 18:22
Subject: Wife is jealous over a conversation I had
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have these convos all the time and I don't even work. I'm married, not dead, and DH knows it. Yes, I'll flirt. Yes, I'll have talks with people I find interesting. I enjoy attention from the opposite sex but it never goes further than talk.
Really? I don’t think I have ever had a thirty minute conversation with someone I just met, ever (unless it was a planned date or interview). 5-10 minutes...the amount of time it takes to drink a cup of coffee or eat lunch or push my kid on a swing ...but 30 minutes is a long time.
Then maybe you're not as social as some of the rest of us. It's really not that out of the ordinary. I've been at conferences and met people in my line of work and had chats like that before. I don't think it's anything that strange.
That’s probably true. I am not super social. Are other people regularly having long meals or coffee with people they meet at the restaurant?
I do sometimes. What OP is describing is totally something that I would do. But, I actually like people. Some of you don’t and can’t fathom that speaking with other humans can be an enjoyable experience and without hidden agendas.
OP, her friend sounds messy or maybe she assumed the worst based on her own experiences with men. Or maybe your wife is exaggerating the details of what her friend reported. But you didn’t do anything shameful. What happened to you and that young woman should be considered normal behavior to all of us. What a dysfunctional world some of you live in where this interaction would make you uncomfortable.
Anonymous
06/10/2018 17:33
Subject: Wife is jealous over a conversation I had
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I find really disgusting is how I am having a professional conversation as a scientist with a younger person in a similar (but not identical) career path. This does not happen often. But, because it was a younger woman, so many people assume it was inappropriate (including my wife). And yet, if I refuse to have the conversation, it is sexist.
That's because you're on DCUM, where it's always the man's fault and women can do no wrong.
I"m a man and I think your wife needs to settle down. You did nothing wrong.
I am a woman and I agree.
I’m also a woman and I also agree. I’d be pissed off beyond belief if DH criticized me for talking to a man with a similar interest, passion, or career. I treat my husband with more respect than that and I expect the same from him.
If he hadn’t been intimate with me for a year i think I’d consider divorce. That’s just over the top behavior from someone who’s supposed to be a partner.
Anonymous
06/10/2018 15:45
Subject: Wife is jealous over a conversation I had
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. What I find really disgusting is how I am having a professional conversation as a scientist with a younger person in a similar (but not identical) career path. This does not happen often. But, because it was a younger woman, so many people assume it was inappropriate (including my wife). And yet, if I refuse to have the conversation, it is sexist.
That's because you're on DCUM, where it's always the man's fault and women can do no wrong.
I"m a man and I think your wife needs to settle down. You did nothing wrong.
I am a woman and I agree.