My maternal grandmother decided she hated the name my parents gave me and would not only call me something else, but would also repeatedly let me know she thought my name was "stupid." It was brutal. As you can imagine, she and my mother had a very strained relationship long before this. I never really developed a relationship with her, because who like to be told their name is stupid? I didn't see her, my choice, the last 5 years of her life. I didn't even attend her funeral.

OP, I also named my son Theodore and we call him Theo. DH dislikes Ted and Teddy. His mother also tried this whole assert dominance by calling baby Teddy. DH shut that down fast. She still "slips up" and we still say "His name is Theo. Don't call him Teddy." And then we pull back for a bit. (Bluntly, I'm not sure she's bright enough to connect the two, but I'm always happy when I can go a few months without her in our lives). I feel you. It sucks. I don't know what's up with these grandmothers. They got to name their kids. If they were spineless doormat and too timid to insist their children be called the correct names, that's on them. They don't get to continue the dysfunction and demand that we just shut up and deal with it.

I'd be planning some 'male bonding' type visits for spring and summer. Get the boys out and having fun, with Grandma Ted being excluded for a bit. I would not take to calling her alternate name in front of child, as we are trying to demonstrate it is a disrespectful thing to do. I would comment any time she did it that I was sorry Grandma chooses to be disrespectful and rude.

I'd call her on it. STRONGLY. I'd cut back on visits and tell her why. And, to make my point, I'd start calling her some obnoxious nickname to see how she liked it.

I realize this approach would not be for everyone. But this would not continue to fly with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like the Grandma Ted response.

Honestly I wouldn’t bother with the grandma part. Just call her Ted - the whole family should join in.

I am dying laughing at this.

Agreed. I imagine something like this happening:

Grandma: "Hello, Ted! How are you?"
Grandson: "Grandma Ted, why do always talk to yourself?"

Anonymous wrote:Times sure have changed. My name is Sarah and my grandmother called me Sadie. I hated it but knew better than to say anything. She was the adult and I just had to deal.

This
This
This

Times sure have changed. My name is Sarah and my grandmother called me Sadie. I hated it but knew better than to say anything. She was the adult and I just had to deal.

I think that the more you make this an issue, the bigger of an issue it becomes.

My dad was called one thing by his entire family and a COMPLETELY different name by his grandmother. I don't know why. I don't think he knows why. None of us ever asked.

His mom, though, sounds a lot like you. His mom was nuclear about it. For the 40 years I knew her she always went on and on about it. My dad says she was like that when he was growing up and definitely she maintained the habits when I knew her. In fact it is my defining memory of her that she could not get over it. But, then, everything in life was like that for her. She was at heart an unhappy woman and it showed in how she addressed things like this. In fact I think she was a lot like some young parents today - it was all about her needs and her boundaries and respect for her. She was so busy looking for slights that she found them everywhere she looked and she couldn't enjoy what she did have, which was a healthy, happy boy.

My dad just went with the flow, though, and comes to see that this grandmother was his BIGGEST champion. She was always there to back him up and she always came through when he needed help. During his many life accomplishments as child and as an adult, she was the first one there and taking a front row seat waving the flag so to speak to watch him receive his honors. She always called him by her name for him, which caused some people to look askance or wonder if she was all there, but my dad didn't care. He loved her for who she was, flawed and all, because she showed her true colors in how she supported him.

I'm not attributing my great-grandmother's outstanding qualities to your MIL, OP, but I am suggesting that if you let this die down a little maybe it will all work out. Perhaps she will realize she is being silly or perhaps not. Either way it just isn't that important. You call him Laslo and let her call him Ralph. Oh, well, what's the diff? There is NONE!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like the Grandma Ted response.

Honestly I wouldn’t bother with the grandma part. Just call her Ted - the whole family should join in.

I am dying laughing at this.

Theodore, Theo, Ted. You lost this battle by selecting this name. That said, don’t let this weird woman bully you. It’s a control thing.

Further evidence that MILs should just be transported to a very distant planet.

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid to fight over. First of all, Ted is the more common short-version of Theodore than Theo. So you kind of set your kid up for correcting people his entire life. Secondly, who cares. This is so much less weird than the April/Sarah thing mentioned. She IS calling him by his name or a version of it.

My grandma insisted on calling me by my full first name which I never use, socially or professionally. But no one cared, myself or my parents, because IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.

Yes, but most people when you correct to “Theo”say “Ok, Theo.”they don’t say “No, I’m gonna call you Ted.”

Theo - can you get me a pudding pop.

What an awful nick name. As he gets older he will be Ted.
Like the Ted news hour. or when a girl calls him Ted.

What is Grandma really after?

Is this about upsetting you?

Is this about controlling her son?

It can't possibly be about your son, but if grandma is willing to sacrifice a relationship we th the kid over this, your kid doesn't need her, anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandma is obviously doing it because she knows it upsets you, OP.

And she seems like a really shitty person to be totally fine with calling her grandson something he has made clear he doesn’t want to be called. What an unloving person to treat a little kid like that! It kind of breaks my heart that Theo has said she can call him Sweetie Pie and she won’t even do that.

It's sad,but you can't control everyone. If she refuses, just go on with life. Visit. If she doesn't call him by his name (or sweetie pue) he doesn't have to respond.

Little Theo will learn grandma is not really on his side, which is a good lesson to learn at an early age. He will probably want to stay away later. It's her choice, she us an adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandma is obviously doing it because she knows it upsets you, OP.

And she seems like a really shitty person to be totally fine with calling her grandson something he has made clear he doesn’t want to be called. What an unloving person to treat a little kid like that! It kind of breaks my heart that Theo has said she can call him Sweetie Pie and she won’t even do that.

Well, he's 4. My contrarian 4 year old says he hates everything.

That's yours. Clearly he's not or he wouldn't have offered an easy alternative she already uses for the other grandkids.