Anonymous wrote:I think picky eaters are annoying. My DS has a good friend whose mother is convinced he has all kinds of allergies. I like him very much but I've learned to bite my tongue when i say he can stay for lunch or dinner as I do with DS' other friends. We are a cooking household, we use lots of spices and sauces. But that kid is always like...what is this on your chicken? I don't want this. I want plain chicken without skin. What is that brown stuff in the rice? I just want plain rice. I don't want broccoli, I only eat green beans. I'm like, jesus, kid. Eat the damn food or go to your house, I'm not making a special meal for you. This is what we eat in this house.

What a weird, out of place rant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 5 year old girl that is 34 lbs is in the 10th percentile. I don't see the issue.

It depends on how tall she is. If she is under the 50th percentile (or so) for height & 10th percentile weight, it is not an issue. If she is, say, 95th percentile for height & only 10th percentile for weight, however, then it probably is an issue.

Nah. My 4 year old is 90th% for height and 10th% for weight. The fact that she is growing so much indicates she is quite healthy (and rarely gets sick) and is just a slender kid. Her bmi is really low but no one (her pedi) is concerned. She is growing and is happy. And we don't tell about food/eating.

I think picky eaters are annoying. My DS has a good friend whose mother is convinced he has all kinds of allergies. I like him very much but I've learned to bite my tongue when i say he can stay for lunch or dinner as I do with DS' other friends. We are a cooking household, we use lots of spices and sauces. But that kid is always like...what is this on your chicken? I don't want this. I want plain chicken without skin. What is that brown stuff in the rice? I just want plain rice. I don't want broccoli, I only eat green beans. I'm like, jesus, kid. Eat the damn food or go to your house, I'm not making a special meal for you. This is what we eat in this house.

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest that you provide food for your daughter that you want her to have--fruits, vegetables, meats. I would take out any junk food or desserts or empty calories. You have her eat her meals in the time frame allowed, and if she chooses not to eat, you can give her the same food for the next meal. If she still chooses not to eat it, save it for the next meal. I make sure I refrigerate it between meals, and after 24 hours, I discard it. I have daughters who will skip meals all day if they don't like what we are having, but I am trying to train the to make good, healthy choices with food. And I don't want eating to be a place where I want them to fight for control. I set the boundaries, and if they choose to follow them, then that is awesome. If they don't choose to follow them, then they get the same food for the next meal. No battle of wills that way, just this is the way it is going to be. My daughters are all healthy even though the youngest is small for her age. You could even take her to your pediatrician to make sure she is healthy. Also, they make Ensure as a meal replacement for people who need extra nutrients. That might be an option to add to her diet. I hope you find what works for you so that your daughter is as healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally as she can be.

You are absolutely fighting your kids for control over food. Good lord. This is a complete power struggle and a screwed up dynamic. Stop. You are not teaching them to "make good, healthy choices." You're inviting disordered eating, unhealthy relationships with food, and fracturing their trust in you.

I would suggest that you provide food for your daughter that you want her to have--fruits, vegetables, meats. I would take out any junk food or desserts or empty calories. You have her eat her meals in the time frame allowed, and if she chooses not to eat, you can give her the same food for the next meal. If she still chooses not to eat it, save it for the next meal. I make sure I refrigerate it between meals, and after 24 hours, I discard it. I have daughters who will skip meals all day if they don't like what we are having, but I am trying to train the to make good, healthy choices with food. And I don't want eating to be a place where I want them to fight for control. I set the boundaries, and if they choose to follow them, then that is awesome. If they don't choose to follow them, then they get the same food for the next meal. No battle of wills that way, just this is the way it is going to be. My daughters are all healthy even though the youngest is small for her age. You could even take her to your pediatrician to make sure she is healthy. Also, they make Ensure as a meal replacement for people who need extra nutrients. That might be an option to add to her diet. I hope you find what works for you so that your daughter is as healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally as she can be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 5 year old girl that is 34 lbs is in the 10th percentile. I don't see the issue.

It depends on how tall she is. If she is under the 50th percentile (or so) for height & 10th percentile weight, it is not an issue. If she is, say, 95th percentile for height & only 10th percentile for weight, however, then it probably is an issue.

Actually, if she were that tall, it would indicate that she's getting enough nutrients to grow very well. Being very low for both weight and height would be FTT.

Anonymous wrote:A 5 year old girl that is 34 lbs is in the 10th percentile. I don't see the issue.

It depends on how tall she is. If she is under the 50th percentile (or so) for height & 10th percentile weight, it is not an issue. If she is, say, 95th percentile for height & only 10th percentile for weight, however, then it probably is an issue.

Why is she allowed to eat dessert? She’s working you.

And by the way, OP's kid is not even that underweight. Normal weight for 5 year old girls is between 36 and 44 lbs. My DD was a failure to thrive kid, she literary would have starved herself as a baby. So, I know full well what kid that refuses to eat acts and looks like. Nobody ever yelled at her to eat, nobody forced her to eat. She had medical care, she had medication, she had procedures... She is not picky at all teen, who just chowed down steak and broccoli, cauliflower and zucchini, loves Indian and Mexican food, loves fruits and most veggies. Not only that, my DS had constitutional growth delay, where he was below 1% in weight and height most of his life. Nobody yelled at him either. We had professional care as well there, he is now pretty tall, still slim, non picky eater. Almost 6 feet tall. I am under no illusion that OP, her DH and similar pps here would even entertain the idea that they are wrong, they are nuts, but still I posted all this hoping that if even one drop of what happened with my kids and our relaxed attitude worked, might cause them to pause and rethink even some part of their insane abusive behavior, then it is worth it, as these poor kids are not heard. Eating should be a positive nurturing experience, please stop what you are doing to your kids.

This whole thread is so sad for poor children of few of these insane pps. Controlling every aspect as well as food? Yelling at your kids to eat? Making sure that if they didn't eat it at dinner they will have the exact same for breakfast or lunch? This is way past any kind of parental desire not to have picky eaters, this is abusive behavior by OP, her DH and other pps who are like this. I love food, I have never been a picky eater, but I cannot eat peppers, onions and celery that is raw without throwing up. Imagine if I was your kid? This is pure insanity. I am one of the few people who has the healthiest attitude to food and eating. Back then nobody knew that your birch or similar allergy made you sensitive to certain foods, yet nobody made me eat it! There is not encouraging picky eating, and then there is abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a therapist with your husband. What you are doing is causing eating disorders.

This. I'm kinda horrified just reading this. Have you looked at any Ellyn Satter books, I think they could help you. You guys are acting in a very controlling way towards her eating habits, and it's already backfiring. This will only get worse without intervention.

OP here. So, we should just let her not eat? Go to bed eating two spoonfuls of pasta? Really???

Wow, the replies here are so bad. It's ridiculous. Wow, just wow...

As the mother of a 32lb 4yr old boy, yes. Yes you should let her not eat unless your pediatrician thinks there is an issue and she needs feeding therapy. You should read Ifs Not About the abroccoli or Ellen Stter. You decide what and when to eat. The kid decides how much to eat - including none. You could also try working with your daughter to find things she likes to eat and let her have unlimited amounts of those. My son likes unsweetened apple sauce and whole milk. If he doesn’t like what we have for dinner, he can have that or a bowl of cereal. If you are yelling also, I think you need therapy yourself. I feel bad for your daughter and hope she doesn’t have lifelong issues with food and her weight.

In short, you are letting your child pick what they want to eat. What happens if you cook something your DC doesn't like for a week? You'd be ok with your child eating cereal for a week?

NP but yes I would. If I was really stupid enough to cook a week's worth of meals that I know my kid hated or my kid was so picky or adverse to eating that he would choose to skip it, then cereal it is.

I don't see healthy eating as some kind of parenting win or fail. It just is.
I do not have a picky eater. I have a kid who eats just about anything that he comes across. But I was a rather picky eater as a kid and now I'm the most adventurous adult eater I know.

Taste evolve and change over time so I'm not going to make every meal, which is family time, some kind of stupid freaking battle over stupid green beans or what have you.

You, Op anyone else who feels like food should be about a really needs to met that this is a control issue for you.

Again, as a parent we control most aspects of their lives, how much electronic time, bed time, what they can/cannot do. Why is what they get to pick to eat any different? Sometimes I cook things that I or DH likes but I know kids don't. They still have to eat it. They choose what they want when we go out to eat, but it's got to contain a vegetable/fruit.

Having your kids become picky eaters and have an unhealthy diet is a parenting failure for most parents. I grant you there are some children who have serious mental issues who refuse to eat, but for the most part, most kids will eat what they don't like if they are not given a choice. Guess what? In life, they have to do things they don't like.

I was a picky eater, and it was hard to overcome.

Because it is something going into their bodies.

This is the kind of thought that creates eating disorders, because in so many cases, it is about someone controlling the one thing they can actually control, which is themselves.

One must eat to live. If you are making your child dread something that keeps them alive, and not about safety, you are not helping them live life to their fullest.

I agree a lot of picky eating is a parenting fail, and it’s not why you think. It’s because the grownups engage in a power struggle due to their own desires for control over every.little.thing. Like OP is doing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remove the battle & emotions surrounding this.

Pick a breakfast time. Set out what you wish to offer for breakfast. Simply invite her "Breakfast time." 20-30 minutes later breakfast is cleared up, without any parental fuss & tantrums because you didn't get things to go your way.

Approx. 2.5 hours later. Repeat with snack.

Noontime. Repeat with lunch.

Another 2.5 hours. Snack.

At least 2.5 hours after snack, repeat with dinner.

No foods offered in between these times.

*Optional: a small bedtime snack

When there is no battle of the wills, pressure, disappointment or screaming she will come around.

This sounds like good advice.

I would also one nutritious thing at each meal that you know she likes/ will eat. She may or may not eat it that day, but I also think it’s hard for a picky kid to look at a meal they hate and motivate themselves to eat it. Once you’ve solved the mealtime battles a bit, you can work more on trying new foods and the like.

My kid isn't really a picky eater, but I do find it's easier to get her to try something new if she ISN'T starving--a few bites of something she likes seems to actually make it easier to persuade her to try something she thinks she might not like. Maybe it's just priming her taste buds or something, I don't know.

Making it cute or interesting can help too. Ice cube tray snacks, picnics, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remove the battle & emotions surrounding this.

Pick a breakfast time. Set out what you wish to offer for breakfast. Simply invite her "Breakfast time." 20-30 minutes later breakfast is cleared up, without any parental fuss & tantrums because you didn't get things to go your way.

Approx. 2.5 hours later. Repeat with snack.

Noontime. Repeat with lunch.

Another 2.5 hours. Snack.

At least 2.5 hours after snack, repeat with dinner.

No foods offered in between these times.

*Optional: a small bedtime snack

When there is no battle of the wills, pressure, disappointment or screaming she will come around.

This sounds like good advice.

I would also one nutritious thing at each meal that you know she likes/ will eat. She may or may not eat it that day, but I also think it’s hard for a picky kid to look at a meal they hate and motivate themselves to eat it. Once you’ve solved the mealtime battles a bit, you can work more on trying new foods and the like.

Also, make sure you have realistic expectations as to what reasonable portion sizes are for preschoolers. Often they are smaller than you think.