Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make up work trips so my AP and I can travel together. If you get caught your husband is going to assume you're having an affair.

Op here - I get that. But I’m really not dating anyone, sleeping with anyone or even talking to anyone, not have I done those things. I realize it’s hard to prove a negative but there’s no texts/emails to or from anyone, no secret phones or email accounts etc.

And once your deception and lying is established, why would he believe anything you say?

Exactly.

Yep.

eh, I understand wanting to get away for a weekend but you are using your vacation leave and personal finances to fund these trips while telling your husband that you are traveling on "business". In the meantime, your husband is stuck at home holding down the fort - going to work and wrangling two toddlers to daycare and back and taking care of them while you're gone having "me time".

How would you feel if he did this? Suppose he told you that he was traveling for business but he was really booking himself nice trips at the beach or NYC or wherever and using his vacation leave and family finances to pay for it....

Anonymous wrote:Op, I assume that this is what most folks do with business trips. Even if the trip in necessary I always assume folks with kids are tacking on extra days.

Not me. I'm not the op, but I am a woman who travels 4-8 times/year for business. I fly home as soon as I can (often straight after the meeting). In nearly twenty years of my professional career, I've only extended twice for fun---both times I had my husband's blessing and my BFF tagged along for the extended trip.

Op, I assume that this is what most folks do with business trips. Even if the trip in necessary I always assume folks with kids are tacking on extra days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make up work trips so my AP and I can travel together. If you get caught your husband is going to assume you're having an affair.

Op here - I get that. But I’m really not dating anyone, sleeping with anyone or even talking to anyone, not have I done those things. I realize it’s hard to prove a negative but there’s no texts/emails to or from anyone, no secret phones or email accounts etc.

And once your deception and lying is established, why would he believe anything you say?

Exactly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make up work trips so my AP and I can travel together. If you get caught your husband is going to assume you're having an affair.

Just out of curiosity would you care if your spouse had an affair? Since you are?

That would be fine by me. It seems unlikely, since in my experience affairs involve sex. .

I'd be happy to have an open marriage but my spouse prefers to be sexless and miserable and wants the same for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've worked in an all male industry for 20+ years. Men have been doing all this for decades. I watch the men I work with do this all the time. Over half of all business travel in most industries isn't even needed, or not more than 1 day anyway. Plus married men with kids have to "work late" so much. Not much actually gets done while working late- just avoiding crazy dinner and bedtime at home. I get that they need to unwind a bit, but it is excessive

So, girl, you take that extra day here and there to relax. You probably need it, and it's nowhere near what most men have been doing forever

Should she also continue creating completely fake trips to relax, like she's started to do?

This. Most everyone is fine with her extending a work related trip. OP is taking herself on vacation and tell DH that she is going away for work. She's lying to DH and her children and taking money from them

Anonymous wrote:I make up work trips so my AP and I can travel together. If you get caught your husband is going to assume you're having an affair.

Just out of curiosity would you care if your spouse had an affair? Since you are?

As a husband, I would not be off-the-rails-furious. My initial reaction would probably include some initial anger about the lying and the deception, and I would be concerned about an affair.

But if my wife managed to convince me it wasn't about traveling to hook up with someone, I would probably think the whole situation was sad. Sad that she felt it necessary to do it, sad that she felt it was necessary to lie about it.

My reaction would then be to brainstorm ways to get the same outcome without the deception, and sometimes together.

If you love someone, you care about their happiness, and are willing to take on burdens (including stuff like watching the kids for a few days) for them.

Again, like others, it would are hard to get past the suspicion of an affair.

Let's get real: the majority of people would be off the rails furious if they discovered their spouse was lying about fake business trips while they were forced to fly solo with the kids...regardless of whether adultery was happening...because the fake trip is more than enough to push you over the edge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make up work trips so my AP and I can travel together. If you get caught your husband is going to assume you're having an affair.

Op here - I get that. But I’m really not dating anyone, sleeping with anyone or even talking to anyone, not have I done those things. I realize it’s hard to prove a negative but there’s no texts/emails to or from anyone, no secret phones or email accounts etc.

And once your deception and lying is established, why would he believe anything you say?

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think what you are doing is wrong and actually think it’s great that you can take mini-breaks so easily.

The lying about it part is completely troublesome and you should figure out how to come clean. Your DH may feel angry and jealous at first...I would be. So be prepared to accommodate his desire for a break.

Yeah, I couldn’t lie to my DH; it would just feel wrong. At the very least you should encourage him to get away by himself from time to time, too.

Anonymous wrote:I make up work trips so my AP and I can travel together. If you get caught your husband is going to assume you're having an affair.

Op here - I get that. But I’m really not dating anyone, sleeping with anyone or even talking to anyone, not have I done those things. I realize it’s hard to prove a negative but there’s no texts/emails to or from anyone, no secret phones or email accounts etc.

I make up work trips so my AP and I can travel together. If you get caught your husband is going to assume you're having an affair.

Everyone needs secrets, OP. Keep this one and keep doing it. Matter of fact, do it for me (no work travel in my job- what you are doing sounds so fun).