They dodged a bullet. Good for them.
Signed,
Parent of too many

I dont really "think" in terms of judge. If I dont know them well, I may wonder whether they wanted to have kids but couldn't or just didn't want them, so I know not to be insensitive and make assumptions but other than that? I dont assign any value judgments. and I do judge other people's life choices--i'm not perfect--but this is not one of them.

My sister doesn't want to have kids. She's 36 and married (for several years). I actually think it is a good decision on her part. I love her, but she's sort of all over the place and not the most responsible, and her husband works a lot and travels for work. I think she has made the right choice that their lives are probably happiest with just the two of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applaud people for not having kids when they know they don't want them. I teach a lot of students whose parents clearly don't want them and it is heartbreaking.

Off topic - but how do you know their parents don't want them? Is it bc parents are jetting off places leaving kids to raise themselves -- which is kind of an extreme and I doubt you see that all the time -- or are there other more subtle signs??

Seriously? "Jetting off"? No, that's not quite it. Teachers see all kinds of neglect and abuse. Even the parents' early interaction with the teacher (if there even is any) can tip us off to how they feel about their kid.

I am the teacher who posted first. I teach in a Title One school and there are many ways to tell the kids are unwanted. At dismissal the other day, I leaned out my window because I heard someone screaming and heard, "Why are you wearing that? You look like a piece of trash! Get away from me. I don't want to be near trash!" It was a mom screaming at her 2nd/3rd grade DD for wearing a not so flattering uniform skirt (it looked a bit small and tight for her). Yeah, if she screams at her kid like that in public, God only knows what home is like. Another example from the last parent/teacher conference day. I had one of my students show up without a parent. I asked her if her mom/dad/grandparent, etc was coming and she said no. She said her mom told her to get out of the house and go to school. She said she told her mom there was no school due to conferences. She said her mom read the conference request form and threw it away and said she wasn't going in to school for "any reason." I know she said this because that is what she says when I call her myself. So the little girl hung out at school with me for a while cutting up laminating and playing teacher. She is 7.

You do you.

Anonymous wrote:It would never occur to me to have an opinion about that, or even to wonder about their reasons. Having kids is not some sort of default "correct" life decision and everything else requires justification.

+100

Depends. There are people I know and based on what I know about them they actually want kids. So after 3+ years of marriage and no kids I assume they are struggling with infertility. This is later confirmed either when they get pregnant and share that they were trying for a long time or they choose to be transparent and discuss their infertility while undergoing treatment. I usually have a hunch a good year before the disclosure.

Other folks, like coworkers, I have no assumptions. Maybe choice to be childfree, not the right timing, etc. Children are hard work so i don't judge childfree folks negatively.

My honest and private opinion is that they spent their childbearing years waiting for something better to come along - not that there's anything wrong with that - maybe something did!

As for people who have lots of kids, I tend to think the mom likes control or being "the boss" and the easiest way to do that is to pop out a lot of kids.

I think they are on to something.

Anonymous wrote:I think that , like me, maybe it was their choice. I'm 47 years old, been married for 22 and have no regrets with our decision to not have children. It just wasn't our "thing." We do have ieces and nephews (and even a grand-nephew) whom we adore!

Believe it or not, we are not jet setting off to tropical vacations and sleeping in every day. We are working, doing home renovations, caring for my MIL, and doing "life" just as most other couples do. The fact that we don't have children doesn't make us any less busy. We just fill our life up with other things.

I mean....that is just not true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I think wow, they are very different than me. I always knew I wanted to have kids and I cannot imagine not getting to have this amazing experience, much less not even wanting it. BUT: that thy are very different than me is just fine, the world is made up of all different kinds of people. If they're happy, I'm happy for them

TBH the people that baffle me the most are people who are into their 30s and still "aren't sure" whether they want them or not. That is much harder for me to comprehend

This. People who know they don't want kids shouldn't have kids. Good for them for determining their own path to happiness. I really wanted kids and I love mine very much, but it's still hard work. I can't imagine being a parent if you didn't really want it.

However, I also know single people in their 30's and even 40's who are still "debating" whether they want to have kids. They party hard and have very dysfunctional relationships and can't commit - lots of self destructive behaviors. I judge them for whining that they want marriage and maybe kids one day while behaving in the opposite way. I don't judge them for not having kids though, as I don't think they should. I would respect them more if they just figured out what they want and went for it without whining.

+2 to all of this

I think 1) they have more money and more freedom; 2) they get to sleep as long as they want and they're well-rested; 3) they probably travel more.

I'm jealous. I think they are smarter than I. Having kids is tough.

I couldn't care less. Do you, live your life.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I think wow, they are very different than me. I always knew I wanted to have kids and I cannot imagine not getting to have this amazing experience, much less not even wanting it. BUT: that thy are very different than me is just fine, the world is made up of all different kinds of people. If they're happy, I'm happy for them

TBH the people that baffle me the most are people who are into their 30s and still "aren't sure" whether they want them or not. That is much harder for me to comprehend

This. People who know they don't want kids shouldn't have kids. Good for them for determining their own path to happiness. I really wanted kids and I love mine very much, but it's still hard work. I can't imagine being a parent if you didn't really want it.

However, I also know single people in their 30's and even 40's who are still "debating" whether they want to have kids. They party hard and have very dysfunctional relationships and can't commit - lots of self destructive behaviors. I judge them for whining that they want marriage and maybe kids one day while behaving in the opposite way. I don't judge them for not having kids though, as I don't think they should. I would respect them more if they just figured out what they want and went for it without whining.