Anonymous
03/05/2018 01:27
Subject: MIL pulls me aside and tells me I am burdening her son
Just tell her not to worry, in a cheerful voice 
Anonymous
03/04/2018 15:05
Subject: MIL pulls me aside and tells me I am burdening her son
Am I the only one rolling my eyes bc 30 is soooo young to be a provider? Guys used to do that at 18 back in the day with wives who didn't work at all. But of course to MIL, he'll always be her baby boy.
As for specifics, I think DH is bothered which is the only reason he said anything to MIL about it (and maybe it wasn't even specific - maybe it was just - mom it's been so stressful lately, everything is so expensive) AND yelled at you when you brought it up. You need to sit down with him calmly -- NOT bring up MIL -- but talk to him about how he's feeling about bills/finances and then if you get the sense he is stressed, work together to come up with another plan. It may make him feel better if he is ALSO able to save -- which he isn't able to right now bc he pays 90% of the necessary bills. I understand the income disparity but if he brings in 3/4 of the income, and you bring in 1/4 -- couldn't you pay 1/4 of the bills, he pays 3/4? Either by listing out the bills and divide by %; or open a new joint account where you put in 1/4 of monthly expense dollars, he puts in 3/4 and then he goes and pays the bills with that joint money. That'll free up some $ for him to put into a 401k or savings as well/use as fun money etc.
As for specifics, I think DH is bothered which is the only reason he said anything to MIL about it (and maybe it wasn't even specific - maybe it was just - mom it's been so stressful lately, everything is so expensive) AND yelled at you when you brought it up. You need to sit down with him calmly -- NOT bring up MIL -- but talk to him about how he's feeling about bills/finances and then if you get the sense he is stressed, work together to come up with another plan. It may make him feel better if he is ALSO able to save -- which he isn't able to right now bc he pays 90% of the necessary bills. I understand the income disparity but if he brings in 3/4 of the income, and you bring in 1/4 -- couldn't you pay 1/4 of the bills, he pays 3/4? Either by listing out the bills and divide by %; or open a new joint account where you put in 1/4 of monthly expense dollars, he puts in 3/4 and then he goes and pays the bills with that joint money. That'll free up some $ for him to put into a 401k or savings as well/use as fun money etc.
Anonymous
03/04/2018 13:04
Subject: MIL pulls me aside and tells me I am burdening her son
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MILs need to take their fear to therapy and butt out.
This is the attitude that inspires hostility between MILs and DILs.
It also kills relationships between MILs and sons. My MIL is finally willing to accept that I wasn't "taking advantage" of her son. (I work at a law firm and have always made 2-4 times the salary so he thought she was crazy.). Well, guess what? A day late and a dollar short. DH wants nothing to do with his mom after her crazy for 10 years. I don't think she'll be able to atone hard or long enough for the stress she caused me, DH, and our marriage.
In this case w/o giving numbers why not say — MIL I don’t know what you’re talking about bc I make 4x what DH does and your baby boy is a kept man. Would that make such MILs STFU or do you worry it makes DH look bad?
Anonymous
03/04/2018 10:27
Subject: MIL pulls me aside and tells me I am burdening her son
It does seem the OP feels like she should have the right to just live off her DH. If he is not up for the same deal, he better tells her now.