Anonymous wrote:Five times age is what you should make on a average

Ummm this seems extremely unrealistic for the vast majority of people. I consider myself quite successful and have never come close to this standard.

Wouldn't that mean a 20 year old should earn $100 an hour, and a $50 year old $250 an hour? How many of those jobs are out there?

20*5=100, 100*40 hours * 52 weeks = $208,000.
50*5=$250, $250*40 hours * 52 weeks = $520,000

Five times age is what you should make on a average

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to throw sand in the cake batter and say that I don't think parenting is the most important job in the world. Neither does OP. That is what leads to the sense of a lack of fulfillment. Some years ago Caitlin Flanagan wrote an excellent piece about it in The Atlantic. As the mother of 3 daughters I actually find the "parenting is all" idea dangerous. We are telling girls and women to always choose someone else first. This world loses so much because women devote it to their children instead of society at large.

Did you ever consider that many women would rather devote their all to their children rather than "society at large" i.e. some dumb job?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to throw sand in the cake batter and say that I don't think parenting is the most important job in the world. Neither does OP. That is what leads to the sense of a lack of fulfillment. Some years ago Caitlin Flanagan wrote an excellent piece about it in The Atlantic. As the mother of 3 daughters I actually find the "parenting is all" idea dangerous. We are telling girls and women to always choose someone else first. This world loses so much because women devote it to their children instead of society at large.

I'm wondering what on earth could be more important than devoting time to one's own children. What a strange outlook on life.

Cancer research. My husband SAH so I can spend 50 hours a week trying to ameliorate the effects of certain types of breast cancer.

Cue the posters saying that kids need their mothers more.

Op, I’m 41 and I make $50 hour. I work 40/ week in the office but in total it works out to about 80/ week if you include all the housework - cooking, cleaning, etc. I’m a single mom and I’m always tired. If I had a husband paying the bills I’d be making $0 and I’d love it.

Op, I couldn't read through all of the comments, but I completely get you. I think DC is a really hars place for this kind of thing, too. It's the competitive rates race and abundance of overachievers, it's hard to just relax. I grew up in NW DC in the private school scene here, so I know what it's like to feel as you do.

Can you try to break out of your social circle and find some people to be around that make you feel good about yourself? You clearly like your job and since your family doesn't need you to earn more, your job satisfies your needs. You're doing great.

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Anonymous wrote:$20 an hour is $40k a year. You guys are acting like that’s poverty wages

IDK about you but I'd be pissed to be an ivy grad with a masters making 40k. And no my kids would not make it worth it for me.

+1000

Anonymous wrote:I really appreciate some of these comments because they left me an older person feeling extra special. I also makes $20.00 an hour, and I am so happy in my skin, life but most of all I love my job and wouldn't trade it for all the tea in China. However, this job is coming to an end next month. And since I was told of the end date I have gone on endless interviews but no one would hire me. Some feels $20.00 an hour is too much to pay for my experiences. Or because it's my age, maybe they feel that I don't have the energy to do the job. I really don't know why I am not getting hired for the job which I am capable of doing wonderfully. And like the last person's comment as long as you love what you are doing where you went to school or what degrees you have doesn't matter.

I know a lady who has a very high paying job, she made more money than her husband at that time, he is also highly educated as she is. She was very unhappy going to work doing the same thing everyday, and not liking her boss.

Once I asked her why wouldn't she change her job if she was so unhappy. She told me that this is all she knew how to do and that she didn't know where to go from there.

Sometime you have to stop looking at where you went to school/college or what degrees you may have and go for what make you happy. That is all that matters when the day is done....... your happiness.

You are in la la land. Whether you have kids or not, your happiness is not all that matters. Peace of mind, possibly yes that matters. But happiness? No. This is especially true if you have kids. Their well being and adequate provisioning trumps your happiness. Your own well being and provisioning trumps your happiness. If you don't earn enough as an adult to put food on the table and a safe reliable roof over your head, then kids or not, your happiness in a low paying job won't mean anything.

OP, I was in your shoes several years ago, in my early 30s. I had a great education, great lucrative early career that was growing, made great money. Then I got engaged, had a child and stepped back from my career, for years. It was okay for a while, and I took low paying jobs in other fields I had always been curious about, but that lifestyle was not fulfilling or joyful to me. I struggled with having a low income (and became a single parent during this time).

When I was ready to ramp my career back up, it was an uphill battle but it improved my self-esteem tremendously. There have been trade offs. I have to commute, I'm mentally exhausted sometimes when I get home, but I feel better about myself nowadays. I'm back in my career field, and I enjoy it. My career has grown a lot since I got back into it. I enjoy earning more and more money every year and being able to easily afford the activities my child likes to do. I love being able to easily take the trips and do the travel that me and my child like to do. I enjoy the feedback and interaction I get from my peers and management at work, and I enjoy networking with others in my industry.

I have no shame admitting that my career and earning a good living is an important part of who I am. My career and income doesn't completely define me, but I do get satisfaction in nurturing and growing it and reaping the rewards. That has contributed (among other things, like the people in my life) to making me an overall happy person.

I don't think you should feel any shame around admitting that you want to earn more money and ramp up your career. Men do this every day and they are certainly never chastised for it, even if they have kids! I think it's great to have goals, and if that's your goal, start working towards it today. Do not let American society pigeonhole you into a lifestyle you do not want.

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Anonymous wrote:Your net worth of not your self worth but at the same time, I consider my law firm partner salary mine because we both work equally hard to allow that job within our family

Equally hard? Sorry, but I doubt that and I have no doubt your spouse does as well.

^^ sounds like you are divorced and you only have custody of your kids every other weekend.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a problem with my job/career path/lack of career/low pay. I don't really care what others think about it. I feel like I wasted my master's degree but the problem is that I'm not that interested in the subject of my master's degree field anymore. If I could be back in college again I'd pursue an allied health career--physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, etc. and start my own practice. Wish I could pursue that path now but I can't uproot us for a new grad degree.

NP here. I could have written a lot of what OP said and I'm also in my 40s struggling with finding a solid job after staying home with small children for a few years. I've also been working part-time, taking on freelance positions that pay around $20/hour, or less.

I think a big factor in what happens to your career certainly is your line of work. The SAHMs I've met who have returned to work without a catch work in a field that requires some kind of state certificate or license. As OP mentioned, the allied health fields, i.e. PT, OT, speech. Also, of course, medicine. Or K-12 teaching. They're not perfect paths, but unlike other fields, your career path is more or less solid and you can go part-time if need be if you have your own practice by age 35-40, or leave the field for a few years (some school districts around the country will hold a teacher's job if they take a leave of absence). And, there is and will always be a need for specialists in the allied health fields. With the aging babyboomers, you'll more or less be set employment-wise if you're an OT.

I majored in a liberal arts field and experienced layoffs and companies shutting down or merging. Would I have found myself collecting unemployment ten years ago if I had been working as teacher or physical therapist? Probably not. I made my bed, as the saying goes. Now, at 40+, I'm trying to find ways to continue using my degrees and have had to settle for part-time, lower-paying online work due to the state of things in my life. Sure, I coulda, shoulda. I'd love to go back to school but there are other expenses to worry about at this point. The one thing that scares me when I see older women in their 50s, 60s, working at a department store. I highly doubt all of them are just divorcees who have to make end's meet. I bet a lot of them are educated professionals in their 50s who simply have a better chance of being hit by a car than hired.

Or maybe - here's a thought - they *enjoy* working in retail. Honestly, many of us aren't after the high-powered career and would be thrilled to have a flexible, part-time job. Retail sounds to me like it fits the bill perfectly.

[The one thing that scares me when I see older women in their 50s, 60s, working at a department store. I highly doubt all of them are just divorcees who have to make end's meet. I bet a lot of them are educated professionals in their 50s who simply have a better chance of being hit by a car than hired.]

Shudder

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Anonymous wrote:I barely graduated from high school after two summers of summer school, failed out of one college and then took five years to get a two-year degree. I definitely don't think I peaked in high school or college.

Why don't you just be a hot partner's wife? I work at a law firm and was just talking with a partner - his wife tends their garden and manages their other properties, but doesn't have a formal job.

That is a formal job! As is parenting. Please, ladies, remember that! Just no monetary remuneration for it, that's all. I agree with PP (22:54) on this point: "I feel like I've swallowed the current cultural-think that our careers define our value in life. I just feel it everywhere." It is a challenge, but one that I've taken on as a single working parent nearing her 40th birthday, to reject that very idea: My career does not define my value in life. Sure, my peers from college and high school are in senior management, executive roles, and doing well financially speaking. And at one point in my life, I had those ambitions, being an Overachiever myself. But then I had my DD, and lived overseas for a while, have been humbled and made aware of the harsh realities of our society -- all because of a shift in socio-economic class. To reduce the value of my life to the career I have, the wealth I acquire, and the power I can wield over others would be depressing, and a recipe for disaster in the long run for me as parent, and for my DD.

OP, use this opportunity to do something you've always wanted to do or try but never had the courage or confidence to do. Take some risks, stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone, and most of all, surround yourself with women (people) who will love you, see you, hear you, support you, and push you, and guide you along the way! I have been fortunate to find a positive, inspiring parenting and professional support groups & spaces in the last 2 years , which has been immensely helpful for me. Not sure where I would be without them.

Lastly, be kind and compassionate with yourself. Being a SAH parent and being an awakened, present parent is the most important jobs we have. Say that, know that, believe that, live that! Our children need to know that, but it can only happen if we, ourselves, believe and live that truth!

It may be a job, but it is certainly not a formal one.

I disagree: Property Management is a formal job (lots of opportunities in DC on linkedin). Depending on the number of properties, it can be very time consuming.

Property management is most definitely a job. Managing your own properties is an entirely different thing. Not to say it's not time-consuming or fulfilling, just that it's different from having a job working for someone else or a company or even owning your own management company.

Anonymous wrote:As crap as your pay is, ask yourself this--should I measure success in terms of the lives I impact, or the money people give me?

And it's crappy pay in a situation where she doesn't *need* the money. She wants the money for the prestige.