I so hate Snapchat. It if weren't for this ridiculous app, this would be a much smaller issue. I think boys (and girls) feel the freedom to send inappropriate photos of themselves because they "disappear." This app is enabling teens to bully, sext, and who knows what else. I also hate that I cannot see what my teen is texting about. But deleting the app from her phone will almost destroy her social life. It is that prevalent in all of their lives.

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the other advice above, but why not teach your daughter how to deal with this directly?

It's a great opportunity to help her learn to use her words and set clear boundaries and expectations about how she wants to be treated. Teach her how to assert herself directly with this kid, and give him a chance to comply. If he doesn't (i.e. if he sends more pics or harassing texts), then help her escalate things to his parents or the school.

For example, why not help her write a text back to this kid. Something like, "Don't ever send naked pictures to me again! I don't want to see them, and it's not ok for you to send them to me or anyone else. Hopefully you get it and will stop. If not, I'll have to tell your school and mine if you do it again."

OP did this. Her DD has already addressed it in this way.

^ I agree with pp above. Some prosecutors are over zealous and are prosecuting kids with laws that are intended to be used to fight child pornographers. Read up on the incident that happened in manassas about a year ago, it's insane. Don't turn this into anything more than what it should be, a learning experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have time to read all the comments but I am a lawyer and I hope numerous people, including the prosecutor above, have pointed out that any distribution of nude photos by children, even if of themselves, is the distribution of child pornography. If you've learned anything from Law & Order, you should know that. This tripped up a mother at our school who reported pix being sent to her DD. What she didn't know what that her daughter was distribution photos of herself. The FBI was brought in, computers confiscated and DD wasn't allowed to graduate with middle school class. Be very very careful if you catch your children doing this and shut it down immediately.

OP here. What would you recommend me to do in our case? Thank you.

Hi OP. Lawyer back. PPs immediately above are correct. Depending on the facts of your situation, but given as stated, I would tell you to first educate yourself about how anyone sending photos or anyone under age 18 is committing the felony of distribution of pornography. This can include pix of the sender. Any nude pix of anyone under 18 being sent is pornography. The law is very clear on this. Check your child's facebook, phones, secret phones, burner phones and computer for anything they may have sent. YOU DO NOT WANT TO CALL IN THE POLICE at this stage. The woman in my private did it but didn't know at the time that her own daughter was sending out photos. She naively thought the Dd was just a recipient. wrong. Once that happens (police and FBI are involved), the local police turn it over to the FBI and next thing you know all the computers in your home will be ripped out. DO NOT TELL THE SCHOOL. In the incident cited, the DD was not allowed to graduate with her class. I would urge caution. Learn the law in your jurisdiction. Check all of your child's media accounts thorougly. Talk to them about the dangers. Tell them that any reporting is going to be humiliating to all involved, costly and she will experience loss of computer (the ultimate punishment for a teen!). Take away screens, Iphones and computers. Check to see if your local police force will give an interview on the dangers of the internet to your child. Ours did so DD could write a report. She came away stunned having learned that her "safe places' on the internet were not safe at all.

I haven't read all the other advice above, but why not teach your daughter how to deal with this directly?

It's a great opportunity to help her learn to use her words and set clear boundaries and expectations about how she wants to be treated. Teach her how to assert herself directly with this kid, and give him a chance to comply. If he doesn't (i.e. if he sends more pics or harassing texts), then help her escalate things to his parents or the school.

For example, why not help her write a text back to this kid. Something like, "Don't ever send naked pictures to me again! I don't want to see them, and it's not ok for you to send them to me or anyone else. Hopefully you get it and will stop. If not, I'll have to tell your school and mine if you do it again."

Anonymous wrote:

I would not involve the school. Who knows what the hell they will do - possibly some insane overreaction. And what does it even have to do with them? The photo wasn't taken or sent on school grounds.

Contact the boy's parents first. If they won't deal with their son, then you can go further with involving authorities. If my son had sent such a picture, I would want to know, and believe me it would never happen again.

OP here. That's what I thought as well - what is the school going to do? Are they going to call police and take a ton of my time not letting me go to work tomorrow? I googled the boy's parents and found their professional profiles. They look like a very nice and responsible family who should be able to address the issue internally. I sent them an email to the addresses listed in the school directory. If they don't reply by Tuesday, I'll give them a call to confirm they received my email. If they choose not to take any action on their end, then I'll contact the school.

If you suspected it could be your son, please check your emails. If you didn't receive anything from me, it wasn't your son. If you did, please reply to confirm that you spoke with him. I'm sure he is a nice boy with no bad intentions, but needs to know not to distribute the photos of that nature going forward.

OP, no one can say for certain what the school will do, but I'd strongly presume that they will not automatically go to the police.

I posted earlier about my now 8th grader receiving an inappropriate text last year. It was a suicide threat from a friend and it included a photo of a knife. I didn't know what to do, but someone suggested calling the school and it was the right decision. I had literally never had any contact with the admins at my kid's big MCPS middle school, but the assistant principal got right on the phone and took charge. She didn't care that this happened outside of school (technically on the bus ride home.) She kept me in the loop throughout the next steps that she took to handle it. AFAIK she didn't involve police.

Fwiw my son understood why we had to involve others. I used the same argument that another PP suggested: this is way above my paygrade and someone's safety is at stake. Same holds for your daughter. There was some backlash socially at first but the kids are now friends and as far as I can tell this episode is firmly in the past. Hope that can be the case for your daughter and the boy who sent the text as well. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did this turn into OP’s daughter essentially asking for it? OP says she said “sure” not knowing it’d be a nude photo, but you know how girls are, so you know she wanted it or lied about wanting it to her mom? That’s gross.

+1. If she "wanted it" (gross), she wouldn't have brought it up with her mother!

OP here. Thank you! She came to me blushing asking what to do.

I have a question for parents who have been there and school counselors. If I report it to school tomorrow, can they keep it at school or are they required to involve police? I truly don't want to involve police at this point. Didn't even want to involve the school, but after the additional info provided here, don't want to have any responsibility for this photo either.

I would not involve the school. Who knows what the hell they will do - possibly some insane overreaction. And what does it even have to do with them? The photo wasn't taken or sent on school grounds.

Contact the boy's parents first. If they won't deal with their son, then you can go further with involving authorities. If my son had sent such a picture, I would want to know, and believe me it would never happen again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did this turn into OP’s daughter essentially asking for it? OP says she said “sure” not knowing it’d be a nude photo, but you know how girls are, so you know she wanted it or lied about wanting it to her mom? That’s gross.

+1. If she "wanted it" (gross), she wouldn't have brought it up with her mother!

OP here. Thank you! She came to me blushing asking what to do.

I have a question for parents who have been there and school counselors. If I report it to school tomorrow, can they keep it at school or are they required to involve police? I truly don't want to involve police at this point. Didn't even want to involve the school, but after the additional info provided here, don't want to have any responsibility for this photo either.

Go back and read the lawyer's and the prosecutor's posts. They are giving you good advice. Report it to the school first thing tomorrow morning and let them deal with it.

This. Then at least you've removed it from your hands. I would also sit down and talk with your daughter to make sure there's no chance there is anything else on her phone. I believe you, OP, that she did not ask for or want this, but you want to be positive that there aren't any surprises on there or that it hasn't happened before.

To all of you - talk to your kids about not doing this and about reporting it when someone does it to them. It is a serious offense and can ruin a kids life if photos get passed around (boys or girls). Anyone sending unsolicited photos (a boy or a girl) should be reported and hopefully their parents will know and can get them help. It is not developmentally appropriate for MS (or HS for that matter) and should be a major red flag that there is something going on with the child.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did this turn into OP’s daughter essentially asking for it? OP says she said “sure” not knowing it’d be a nude photo, but you know how girls are, so you know she wanted it or lied about wanting it to her mom? That’s gross.

+1. If she "wanted it" (gross), she wouldn't have brought it up with her mother!

OP here. Thank you! She came to me blushing asking what to do.

I have a question for parents who have been there and school counselors. If I report it to school tomorrow, can they keep it at school or are they required to involve police? I truly don't want to involve police at this point. Didn't even want to involve the school, but after the additional info provided here, don't want to have any responsibility for this photo either.

Go back and read the lawyer's and the prosecutor's posts. They are giving you good advice. Report it to the school first thing tomorrow morning and let them deal with it.

This. Then at least you've removed it from your hands. I would also sit down and talk with your daughter to make sure there's no chance there is anything else on her phone. I believe you, OP, that she did not ask for or want this, but you want to be positive that there aren't any surprises on there or that it hasn't happened before.

To all of you - talk to your kids about not doing this and about reporting it when someone does it to them. It is a serious offense and can ruin a kids life if photos get passed around (boys or girls). Anyone sending unsolicited photos (a boy or a girl) should be reported and hopefully their parents will know and can get them help. It is not developmentally appropriate for MS (or HS for that matter) and should be a major red flag that there is something going on with the child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did this turn into OP’s daughter essentially asking for it? OP says she said “sure” not knowing it’d be a nude photo, but you know how girls are, so you know she wanted it or lied about wanting it to her mom? That’s gross.

+1. If she "wanted it" (gross), she wouldn't have brought it up with her mother!

OP here. Thank you! She came to me blushing asking what to do.

I have a question for parents who have been there and school counselors. If I report it to school tomorrow, can they keep it at school or are they required to involve police? I truly don't want to involve police at this point. Didn't even want to involve the school, but after the additional info provided here, don't want to have any responsibility for this photo either.

Go back and read the lawyer's and the prosecutor's posts. They are giving you good advice. Report it to the school first thing tomorrow morning and let them deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did this turn into OP’s daughter essentially asking for it? OP says she said “sure” not knowing it’d be a nude photo, but you know how girls are, so you know she wanted it or lied about wanting it to her mom? That’s gross.

+1. If she "wanted it" (gross), she wouldn't have brought it up with her mother!

OP here. Thank you! She came to me blushing asking what to do.

I have a question for parents who have been there and school counselors. If I report it to school tomorrow, can they keep it at school or are they required to involve police? I truly don't want to involve police at this point. Didn't even want to involve the school, but after the additional info provided here, don't want to have any responsibility for this photo either.

You didn't make this problem but unfortunately you should deal with it. From personal observation, if you decide not to say anything and it comes out that you didn't do anything, then you definitely will have a much, much bigger problem ... So let the school handle it to keep it from boomeranging back onto you. The school is not going to "ruin" any child's life but you need to let them do their jobs. You also need to let them get this kid some help so that he makes better choices in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did this turn into OP’s daughter essentially asking for it? OP says she said “sure” not knowing it’d be a nude photo, but you know how girls are, so you know she wanted it or lied about wanting it to her mom? That’s gross.

+1. If she "wanted it" (gross), she wouldn't have brought it up with her mother!

OP here. Thank you! She came to me blushing asking what to do.

I have a question for parents who have been there and school counselors. If I report it to school tomorrow, can they keep it at school or are they required to involve police? I truly don't want to involve police at this point. Didn't even want to involve the school, but after the additional info provided here, don't want to have any responsibility for this photo either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is sexual harassment. They are not dating and he sent her an unsolicited and unwanted nude photo. To those of you dismissing it, this is a huge problem. Teen girls get sent unsolicited and unwanted dick pics a lot, it is straight up harassment. If you look at what #metoo stands for, it includes harassment.

To the person who asked why do 8th graders need Snapchat and said they thought that was so young for it, I agree that I wish MS students didn’t have social media, but 5th graders have Snapchat, so by 8th they are not new to that.

To OP and your DD who believe this kid when he says he’s never done this before, $1,000 says he’s lying.

So what do you want to do? Label this 13/14 year old boy a sexual predator?

It sounds like OPs daughter didn't feel victimized and she firmly told him that that was not ok

THIS. Sounds like the girl is more mature and has more common sense than many of the posters here on DCUM. Not everything is a trendy #Metoo moment.

#metoo is not a “trendy moment”. It is trending because so many women have been harassed or sexually assaulted. Does it scare some of you that lots of encounters deserve the #metoo label? Well then, you’ve almost gotten the point.

Nope, doesn't scare me a bit. I think it's a good thing when sexual assaulters and harassers are called out. With one caveat: THAT THEY'RE ACTUALLY SEXUAL ASSAULTERS AND HARASSERS. Not some stupid 13 yo who sends a nude picture - regardless of gender. What's "trendy" now is labeling these foolish, relatively insignificant incidents with the #metoo label. But sure, keep doing it; hop on that bandwagon and get your 15 min. in. You're only minimizing the effect of this movement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sent him a text and tell him next time he wants to send your daughter porn, make sure he works out enough to have a good body to look at.

Sure body shame 8th grade kids. I bet you ae the typical fat dcum that craps theirs pants when anyone implies a girl does not have a good body to look at. Really you are talking about 8th graders bodies? You have issues.

+1
The PP is probably only has daughters. To people like that, boys are the enemy and girls are perfect angels.