We pay for my in-laws airfare whenever they come and visit us. My FIL was an engineer but is now retired.

We could never dream of asking them to pay for our airfare?! We have 2 kids and both work.

We mostly do, but my father in law has once or twice, mostly when we said we weren't going to come... haha

We pay, no questions asked. They do visit us too, usually once a year. The only way I'd expect the grandparents to pay is if there was a huge financial inequity in the grandparents' favor. It's the price/cost of moving away from home.

We generally do one year with my family, one year with inlaws, and one no-travel year.

Good answe

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids. We drive the 1000 miles there and back and try to stay 1-2 weeks and see both sides of the family. Suck it up and drive 9pm-9am, take a nap and then enjoy yourself.

9pm to 9am, very brave. Practical but still... how do you keep awake?

We've done 14 hour drives straight through before but we have done 3am-5pm. That way we have a good amount of daylight for most of the trip and we arrive in time to have a nice dinner and drinks before bedtime. We're in our 50's now and that drive is pretty brutal for us but our kids are old enough to actually help with the driving if we wanted them to so that helps.

12 hours straight through in the middle of the night with no sunlight....I don't know that I could do that.

That’s cool too, but not sure we’d wake the pre-schoolers up for that. They sleep fantastically from 8 or 9 pm onward!
If we can spare a day we hotel in Pittsburgh, lots of fun swimming pool hotels.

Oh, when the kids were little we definitely broke up those long trips with a stay overnight at a hotel. I don't think I would have attempted the 9pm-9am drive even in my 30's/early 40's with little ones.

Anonymous wrote:You’re an adult with children. Grow up, have some self-respect, and pay your own way or don’t go.

+1

I just don’t understand your perspective. Adulthood is full of people pressuring you to spend your money one way or another. Yet, I would imagine you are able to tell them “I can’t afford it.”

I see it both ways... and if parents or ILs offer and you know they can afford it, that's fine. The only thing that gets me is the sense of entitlement about it. The OP's question would be one I never asked because it sounds to me that OP "expects" her family to pay. That is the slippery slope for me. My parents busted their hump for 40 years, put 3 kids through college and made the first contribution to our kids' college accounts. My IL's and my dad are doing fine financially and, until recent health setbacks, they were coming to see us twice a year on their own dime (we pay for his meals and entertainment). Now that they are older, I believe it is on us to make visits to them a priority - right along with the other priorities we have. That means that we care enough about visiting them to plan and budget for it. Priorities run both ways. Whether you can can afford it or you need help, it SHOULD be a priority to visit your family when you can. It should not always be dependent on who is paying Think about one thing. We are all trying to raise our families and create lifestyles for ourselves. But I realized when my mom passed suddenly, that these folks are getting older and you will regret passing up opportunities to visit. Don't let "who pays" debates be your lasting regret.

One of the many reasons not to have four kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids. We drive the 1000 miles there and back and try to stay 1-2 weeks and see both sides of the family. Suck it up and drive 9pm-9am, take a nap and then enjoy yourself.

9pm to 9am, very brave. Practical but still... how do you keep awake?

We've done 14 hour drives straight through before but we have done 3am-5pm. That way we have a good amount of daylight for most of the trip and we arrive in time to have a nice dinner and drinks before bedtime. We're in our 50's now and that drive is pretty brutal for us but our kids are old enough to actually help with the driving if we wanted them to so that helps.

12 hours straight through in the middle of the night with no sunlight....I don't know that I could do that.

That’s cool too, but not sure we’d wake the pre-schoolers up for that. They sleep fantastically from 8 or 9 pm onward!
If we can spare a day we hotel in Pittsburgh, lots of fun swimming pool hotels.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids. We drive the 1000 miles there and back and try to stay 1-2 weeks and see both sides of the family. Suck it up and drive 9pm-9am, take a nap and then enjoy yourself.

9pm to 9am, very brave. Practical but still... how do you keep awake?

Just gear up! It’s all about focus and expectations. I will sometimes take a snooze or get a few coffees. And try to avoid Chicago rush hour or baseball game traffic towards the end. FYI I am female, I still function well on less sleep and used to do banking. Lack of sleep problems for me only kicks in if it’s multiple days in a row.. My husband has totally different metabolism perhaps.

My brother’s family does similar drives to/from Chicago from Florida, Vegas, Virginia. He’s a fighter pilot so has done the same 10 hours in a tiny cockpit - without uppers or adult diapers!. Basically if 5 flights are more than $300 each we drive. My dad does the same overnight driving to help us all out and his whole life (Seattle to Chicago) . If you think you can, you can.

We drive the minivan, more comfortable for all. Screens help too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 kids. We drive the 1000 miles there and back and try to stay 1-2 weeks and see both sides of the family. Suck it up and drive 9pm-9am, take a nap and then enjoy yourself.

9pm to 9am, very brave. Practical but still... how do you keep awake?

We've done 14 hour drives straight through before but we have done 3am-5pm. That way we have a good amount of daylight for most of the trip and we arrive in time to have a nice dinner and drinks before bedtime. We're in our 50's now and that drive is pretty brutal for us but our kids are old enough to actually help with the driving if we wanted them to so that helps.

12 hours straight through in the middle of the night with no sunlight....I don't know that I could do that.

Anonymous wrote:3 kids. We drive the 1000 miles there and back and try to stay 1-2 weeks and see both sides of the family. Suck it up and drive 9pm-9am, take a nap and then enjoy yourself.

9pm to 9am, very brave. Practical but still... how do you keep awake?

Anonymous wrote:just curious.

DH, I and our 4 young kids go visit my parents every year around Christmas. The airfare costs around $1500. The rest of the siblings live close and drive there.
My parents only come visit us every 5 years or so, despite us giving an open invitation to the whole family. We wish the 2 of them would visit more, rather than us schlepping our family of 6 on a plane.
I also wish they would offer to pay for all/part of our airfare sometimes. (We both work, and my Dad still works, so we all have some disposable income)

So, when you visit your parents for the holidays or whenever, who pays for tickets? or do you alternate who visits whom?

So im curious you go visit your parents each year at christmas. what about going to visit your DH's parents at Christmas... we usually alternate christmas with the families. one year with mine, one year with hers...

if things are tight, then you don't go.... at some point in time, YOU need to be the adult and say, NO. we are staying home this year.

and honestly, christmas isn't any more special of a day than any other day.. Save your vacation time, and go visit your folks when its cheaper. Or plan a vacation tell your parents where you are going and invite them book the same trip...

You’re an adult with children. Grow up, have some self-respect, and pay your own way or don’t go.

3 kids. We drive the 1000 miles there and back and try to stay 1-2 weeks and see both sides of the family. Suck it up and drive 9pm-9am, take a nap and then enjoy yourself.