Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.

I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.

OP have you considered finding a boyfriend?

To add how to be mature in marriage here are my ways to do so,
Be attentive to him yourself, show him tenderness and tell him how much you love him. (unless you don't....)
Don't act as a victim, you don't need his permission for just about anything. ( In a healthy marriage big decisions are made together though.)
When he agrees that you COULD work part time, and that you would be losing money if working full time paying for preschool, nannies, explain to him that you understand all that, but that you need to feel that you are not in prison, that you will go crazy taking care of kids, and that is it not about money but about your mental health.
Organize evenings just for the two of you. Organize fun trips, do you go skiing? Hire a nanny for the baby and put other kids in a ski school and go have fun with him.
Support some of his "silly" hobbies, cars, sports... whatever he likes.
Now, I have to get going , but, all these that I said you should do, he should do as well.
Also, don't think that some new hot guy won't act just the same as your DH after few years. You handle ups and down as they come. I love my DH, he loves me, yet, after 25 years he bough me a yet another chocolate cake for my birthday. His favorite chocolate cake. Every single year I tel him that I hate chocolate cakes....So, I go and buy a slice of cake I love. Am I mad for a minute? Yes, but hey, not a cross to die on.

Anonymous wrote:You have 3 children under the age of ten. Of course your life revolves around childcare. Grow up.

If you divorce your husband, your life will still revolve around childcare except you’ll be divorced, working, and your life will suck even more.

+1000. She sounds bored and thinks she can have “hot”. Sweetie you have three little kids and close to 40, no hottie is going to look past that. There are plenty of younger women just as pretty and well educated without the baggage.

So here is what I got from OP:
She is Ivy educated but quit her lucrative career to be SAHM
She is good looking
Her DH is handsome, but not hot
She could have hot
He wants to throw money at childcare and household so he doesn't have to clean, etc..
She does have part time house help
She has young kids, which is hard in any situation
She thinks he doesn't threat her with respect

I can' assume some things, but it they might be wrong as only OP and her DH know answers.
Here is the real question here.
Did you marry him because you loved him?
Or did you marry him because even then he earned a lot of money and was in hot pursuit?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With every post, OP becomes less sympathetic.

+1 posters here left really good advice from all different angles. Pick one that resonates with you OP but stop the whining and start changing.
You have 3 kids, show them how to live a great life. You are living the dream and not seeing it.

Sure, if the dream is money. It's not, for everyone.

The dream is 3 healthy kids, and all the freedom to do what you want. You're educated you say. Your husband will pay for childcare you say. You CAN DO BETTER you say. THAT IS THE DREAM, NINCOMPOOP. You CHOOSE not to take advantage of any of it then poor mouth and cry for your struggles. GMAFB. You're sitting in a gilded cage, key in hand, door wide open, squawking about your captivity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feminism is even more degrading, don't believe the liberal culture

Then you don't understand feminism.

Feminism is about the hate of men and blaming men for all your failures. It’s for rich entitled egotistical white women who are upset no one has recognized how brilliant they are. It is so much easier to think you did not get what you wanted out of life because of the boogieMAN vs you could not make the cut.

Point proven. That is far from feminism.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is gross in a lot of ways but she wants counseling and he refuses for a dumb reason.

What's she supposed to do with that?

She could actually try to fix herself? Her complaints are that she doesn't want to be childcare and is bored basically. He has said he will hire full time help. She could go to counseling herself, she could get a job. She could actually follow through on her bluff and leave.

But no. She will stomp her feet, not hire the childcare, not find a job, not go to counseling, not divorce. She wants to carp, not actually change anything.

It’s much easier to be the victim.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With every post, OP becomes less sympathetic.

+1 posters here left really good advice from all different angles. Pick one that resonates with you OP but stop the whining and start changing.
You have 3 kids, show them how to live a great life. You are living the dream and not seeing it.

Sure, if the dream is money. It's not, for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is gross in a lot of ways but she wants counseling and he refuses for a dumb reason.

What's she supposed to do with that?

She could actually try to fix herself? Her complaints are that she doesn't want to be childcare and is bored basically. He has said he will hire full time help. She could go to counseling herself, she could get a job. She could actually follow through on her bluff and leave.

But no. She will stomp her feet, not hire the childcare, not find a job, not go to counseling, not divorce. She wants to carp, not actually change anything.

After re-reading her original post, I think her main complaint is that her husband used to make her feel special and treat her like she is a valuable human being and now he doesn't. She has to figure out how to make herself feel valuable all by herself. The by-product of that is also typically being more attractive to the opposite sex as well, so if she pursued that avenue her marriage would probably improve too.

How's the sex?

Anonymous wrote:OP is gross in a lot of ways but she wants counseling and he refuses for a dumb reason.

What's she supposed to do with that?

She could actually try to fix herself? Her complaints are that she doesn't want to be childcare and is bored basically. He has said he will hire full time help. She could go to counseling herself, she could get a job. She could actually follow through on her bluff and leave.

But no. She will stomp her feet, not hire the childcare, not find a job, not go to counseling, not divorce. She wants to carp, not actually change anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feminism is even more degrading, don't believe the liberal culture

Then you don't understand feminism.

Feminism is about the hate of men and blaming men for all your failures. It’s for rich entitled egotistical white women who are upset no one has recognized how brilliant they are. It is so much easier to think you did not get what you wanted out of life because of the boogieMAN vs you could not make the cut.

OP is gross in a lot of ways but she wants counseling and he refuses for a dumb reason.

What's she supposed to do with that?

Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.

I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.

What makes you think you are going to restart your career? The sad thing is companies will consider someone younger or someone who has stayed in the work force over you. It will be hard and you will still have to care for your children. You ready to be at work at 7am and stay till 7 pm?

As for the “best you can do” comment....what’s the rest of the story? Did you tell him he was a loser and you are going to find someone better, someone who is more at your level, a winner like yourself?

Anonymous wrote:Feminism is even more degrading, don't believe the liberal culture

Then you don't understand feminism.