I'm 38. In my life, I was:

-molested by an older family friend
-groped (including a crotch grab) and kissed when I was 16 at my first job by the owner/boss of the small business.
-had my butt grabbed more times than I can count throughout middle school and high school
-had to switch hotels when I was traveling while I was in college because a male employee was following me around town.
-had a peeping tom looking through my window in an apartment I lived in.
-was cornered and kissed at a club while out with my friends
-woke up to a guy with his hand down my pants when a big group of friends rented a vacation home together.

I'm thankful these were all in my mind 'relatively minor' incidents (except the molestation which I still haven't completely moved past). But are they really that minor? I think so because I can think of much worse situations, but then are we just are programmed to just except this type of behavior from men and not make a big deal out of it?

The recent news has illuminated that behavior that has long been accepted--if not acceptable--is no longer being accepted, at least by some women (and men too can be targets), in some organizations. This does not mean that all women are constantly harassed nor does it mean that there is an uptick, nor does it mean that all harassment is of equivalent import. the danger of a false moral equivalency is that we are not able, as a society, to make rational judgments.

so, in terms of my personal experience: its been a continuum from the looks, comments, catcalls from strangers, which are not particularly welcome, but dont constitute sexual harassment in the workplace, to being groped and fondled by a friend's father when I was 15, or having a boss twice my age when I was 17 corner me and forcibly kiss me and try to remove my clothing (i got out of there, and never went back).

Then there is the gray area that causes much confusion and needs clarification and discussion about acceptable limits.


for example, I was approached/hit on by a man in a much higher position in my org., leaving me to wonder how to navigate the situation. Now, there is nothing inherently harassing about an older colleague at work expressing interest in dating me, it turns to harassment if it continues despite being told it is not reciprocated, or there's retaliation for not welcoming the advances, etc. In this case, none of that happened, so I dont constitute it as harassment, though one might argue that in his position of power he should not have come onto me.

In another situation, a male colleague made a comment to a woman about her appearance--she had lost weight and was recently into a new fitness regime about which she constantly talked and one day he said something like wow, those workouts are paying off, your arms look amazing. He was referred to HR for inappropriate commentary, but was this harassment? it wasn't overtly sexual, etc.

I'm curious about the case of Glenn Thrush, too. He exhibited, in my mind, poor judgment by getting drunk and hitting on younger female journalists. But he was not their employer or supervisor, there was no quid pro quo, and when they turned him down, he backed off. is that harassment or being a drunk fool?

Anonymous wrote:It's blown out of proportion. I am a woman. I am average looking. Statistically speaking most women are average looking. We don't live in a sexually repressed society. It is easy to get sex. Women are not that harassed as it is portrayed by the media. We do not live on a planet where every woman is a ten, supermodel type. Sorry to say this but lots of women are not that attractive to men. Therefore, the media witch hunt of all men and false victimization of all women is simply false.

It would appear that you are in a small minority of women who think this way. If you are, indeed, a woman.

It's hard to gauge how much is specific to women versus how much is the product of guys who are assholes to both men & women but sexualize their disagreeable conduct when they're dishing it out to women.

What I mean by this is that I've been in probably a half dozen fights with guys who were trying to bully me. Two of those fights sent me to the hospital. (And, countless incidents of low level friction that didn't lead to physical violence). I can predict with a high level of probability that those guys are also assholes to women and probably sexualize their conduct with women where they were merely abusive and/or violent toward me.

It's probably a wash as to whether men or women suffer more from such people. But, I expect that women also suffer at the hands of men who don't bother other guys too much. I just don't have a good sense of how great that disparity actually is.

Anonymous wrote:It's blown out of proportion. I am a woman. I am average looking. Statistically speaking most women are average looking. We don't live in a sexually repressed society. It is easy to get sex. Women are not that harassed as it is portrayed by the media. We do not live on a planet where every woman is a ten, supermodel type. Sorry to say this but lots of women are not that attractive to men. Therefore, the media witch hunt of all men and false victimization of all women is simply false.

You assume that only attractive women get assaulted, which is false. I remember about a decade ago an 80+ year old woman was raped in her home in the DC area.

It's blown out of proportion. I am a woman. I am average looking. Statistically speaking most women are average looking. We don't live in a sexually repressed society. It is easy to get sex. Women are not that harassed as it is portrayed by the media. We do not live on a planet where every woman is a ten, supermodel type. Sorry to say this but lots of women are not that attractive to men. Therefore, the media witch hunt of all men and false victimization of all women is simply false.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Our society feeds this, though. As soon as a pregnant woman finds out it's a girl, everyone piles on with the comments to the dad about protecting her against boys. But if someone finds out they're having a boy, they say he'll get all of the ladies.

So we feed this idea that women are objects to be pursued and protected, that they don't own their sexuality (they're father has to protect them), but boys aren't objects. They're agents, players, and own their own sexuality.

We start that narrative early on. It's no wonder society is the way it is.

When I had my son, I received some pretty sexist clothing and bibs. The worst one said "Lock Your Daughters", as if he would assault the other girls

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't happen every single day, but at least once a week. Pretty consistently. And I'm not even pretty, so I can only imagine what it's like for pretty women.

The type I get is that the men think that because I'm overweight and not pretty that I should be thankful that they're even talking to me. Like, if I'm out for drinks after work with friends and a guy grabs my ass, which happened last week, I have no right to get upset with him because of my appearance. The guy literally said, "a girl like you can't really afford to be picky, damn girl." I'd be more of a punching person if I wasn't so afraid of jail.

A guy grabbed my ass in a club 20 years ago. I was irate and cussed him out. He ran toward me intending to punch me. The doorman held him back and calmed him down by telling him, "she's not worth it". Probably safest to take the groping quietly.

I am a male and have walked away from many friendships because of their views/actions towards woman. If you don't see how a vast number of woman are treated pretty badly by
at least a few men on a daily basis, you need to open your eyes.

It doesn't happen every single day, but at least once a week. Pretty consistently. And I'm not even pretty, so I can only imagine what it's like for pretty women.

The type I get is that the men think that because I'm overweight and not pretty that I should be thankful that they're even talking to me. Like, if I'm out for drinks after work with friends and a guy grabs my ass, which happened last week, I have no right to get upset with him because of my appearance. The guy literally said, "a girl like you can't really afford to be picky, damn girl." I'd be more of a punching person if I wasn't so afraid of jail.

A few incidents stand out in my memory strongly, and if I think hard dozens come to mind - the ones I remember are where I spoke up and did something. Others I keep pretty buried in order to function every day. Once was a male doctor examining me for cancer so I had to let him touch me, but the commentary about how 'perfect' my body makes me sick to think about. I received a similar compliment from a different type of male doctor a few years later in a totally un-creepy way. But how do you voice 'you're being creepy' in a rational manner - unless there's a pattern of other women being creeped out. Makes one feel pretty powerless.

Hard core harassment no. Cat calls and looks? Yes a lot when I was younger. I did like it some and dressed and walked by as a test a few time. Blonde, above average height and looks. Age 37.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Our society feeds this, though. As soon as a pregnant woman finds out it's a girl, everyone piles on with the comments to the dad about protecting her against boys. But if someone finds out they're having a boy, they say he'll get all of the ladies.

So we feed this idea that women are objects to be pursued and protected, that they don't own their sexuality (they're father has to protect them), but boys aren't objects. They're agents, players, and own their own sexuality.

We start that narrative early on. It's no wonder society is the way it is.

The flipside is that that boys are not just "permitted" to do this. If they are not aggressive enough, or too passive, sexually or otherwise, they pay a price for that. He'll get all the ladies, or else he must be gay or a wimp or is a unfeeling robot, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Not all the time, but I have been harassed (and trust me I know the difference between jokes and harrassment) many times. It started when I was about 11 and then at one point to full on attempted rape. I am really glad we are having this conversation nationally. I have seen too many partners in huge law firms laugh at sexual harassment prevention programs. Maybe now they will take it seriously.

I agree. Most women are not experiencing nonstop harassment. But it's something that women live with and have to negotiate all the time. It happens all the time, in all industries, to women of all education and income levels. I think this conversation is critical, and I would love it if men would listen, non-defensively, to what the women in their lives are telling them about their experiences. No, not all men are harassing and assaulting women--but we don't know which men will harass and assault in advance. We don't know which men will take no for an answer and which men will become aggressive. And we don't know which men will believe us and which men will blame us.

Yes. Our society feeds this, though. As soon as a pregnant woman finds out it's a girl, everyone piles on with the comments to the dad about protecting her against boys. But if someone finds out they're having a boy, they say he'll get all of the ladies.

So we feed this idea that women are objects to be pursued and protected, that they don't own their sexuality (they're father has to protect them), but boys aren't objects. They're agents, players, and own their own sexuality.

We start that narrative early on. It's no wonder society is the way it is.