Anonymous
08/08/2017 10:53
Subject: Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
Anonymous wrote:So the kids are away at camp for the first time. It's given husband and I more time to talk.
But then last night, he started telling me how he never knows how much he is allowed to tell me. That raised a lot of curiosity so of course I asked. And then he shared, kind of quietly, about how he had been planning to marry the girlfriend before me but she broke his heart.
It's actually a sad story so I mostly feel bad for my husband. They had been dating for 4 years when he was young, after college. He was in grad school and she was working. They had travelled throughout Europe together. He then took her to a wedding -- at a wedding when the rule was "no ring, no bring" because he was planning to propose. But at the wedding, she told him that she had met someone else on a work trip and they broke up.
He met me about 6 months later before he had a chance to get over her. I knew he dated her and that she called but he never told me how serious they were. And he always described her as having a lot if problems which is why he'd have to take her calls even during dinner. She had been raped multiple times before he met her and she was bulimic and suicidal and refused therapy so he was worried for good reasons. And she then got married to that guy that she left my husband for and we never heard from her and we got married. So I thought it was a girl that my husband was not really into.
I had seen some photos hidden in some letters years ago with a bunch of his boxes and I threw it away, thinking that he didn't even realize that he had it. When we moved in together, an entire room was his boxes, so when I was on maternity leave, I went through them and almost everything got thrown away. But now I get that he was saving those letters and felt like that was the woman who got away.
I now feel like I was my husband's second choice and he says it's silly because he married me and not her, but is it silly? I mean, he took her on a European tour when he had no money and we've done nothing like that. He got his friends to make an exception to the no ring, no bring rule on the one wedding at the time, and in the 10 weddings when we were dating, he didn't ask for an exception once or even bring me to weddings when he had a plus one until we got engaged (like his sister's!).
OP you are an insecure and pathetic person. I feel sorry for your DH. My wife would have been on her way to ex-Wife if she threw away my links to my past without talking to me first, regardless of whether or not she had just given birth. Sounds like your DH likes to choose the wrong women to be in serious relationships with, at least definitely in your case.
Anonymous
08/07/2017 21:27
Subject: Re:Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
First, he married you and not her. Second, going to Europe with no money is just one of the big dumb things kids do. She sounds like a basket case and he's lucky to have dodged a bullet. Finally, we don't always throw out memories of our past as sometimes they are there as reminders of how lucky we are.
ZachF
08/07/2017 19:05
Subject: Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
Anonymous wrote:ZachF wrote:Anonymous wrote:
It's so awesome of you to mock this woman who, according to you, was raped multiple times. You must be such a great person! It's so thoughtful of you to not "create the drama" of having been raped. Kudos!
Big flag. Unless she was a victim of war crimes or held prisoner, it's doubtful she was raped multiple times.
I was thinking the same thing.
Aside from all the statistics, or childhood abuse etc., I'd steer clear of any woman who told me she was raped multiple times. Especially by multiple men and especially if she claims that several of the guys she was in a relationship with raped her. Date a woman like that and you will likely be next on her list.
Anonymous
08/03/2017 16:52
Subject: Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
At a reunion an old boyfriend (we, well I was really serious about him) told me that I was the one who got away, and all I could think was, Then why did you cheat on me all the time, dummy? I'm married to the right person, who is not him, and I assume that his wife is the right person for him. Some times people just get caught in a moment of nostalgia. The facts speak for themselves.
Anonymous
08/03/2017 16:21
Subject: Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A lot of you guys sound stupid. Have you never heard that love is blind? In college, I was bulimic with a ferocious temper and drug issues, and I also cheated on my boyfriend. My boyfriend was a nice, good looking, stable man. Nevertheless, he loved me madly and I dumped HIM for another man. He continued to contact me for years after marrying a much nicer woman, until I cut him off because I finally had my shit together and had met my husband.
It is absolutely possible OP's husband misses and still loves his crazy ex. Speaking as the crazy ex of a number of men, men love crazy bitches. OP, don't go nuts with insecurity, but keep your eyes open. And don't be so easygoing if he gets back in touch with her.
There is also the possibility that he might have exaggerated the ex's issues to OP so he could stay in touch with the ex without OP getting suspicious.
Your ex wasn't blindly in love with a cheating, abusive addict, he was mentally ill and the continued attempt to reconnect, while married to a much nicer woman, proves it.
Oh, and intelligent and mature men don't love crazy bitches.
loving and just f*cking a crazy bitch are not the same thing
Anonymous
08/03/2017 15:41
Subject: Re:Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
Although it may not bring you any comfort, he married you. Stop assuming about the past, it is the past so leave it in the past. It would be different if he was secretly calling her and you found messages of him expressing his love for her. Instead of looking at you are 2nd best look at it as her loss your gain. My husband felt like he was 2nd best but God had given me the best. So leave the past in the past and don't assume anything. You have to create a safe environment that he can open up to you and know that it will not be thrown up in his face.
Anonymous
07/31/2017 00:04
Subject: Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
ZachF wrote:Anonymous wrote:
It's so awesome of you to mock this woman who, according to you, was raped multiple times. You must be such a great person! It's so thoughtful of you to not "create the drama" of having been raped. Kudos!
Big flag. Unless she was a victim of war crimes or held prisoner, it's doubtful she was raped multiple times.
I was thinking the same thing.
Anonymous
07/30/2017 23:16
Subject: Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
Anonymous wrote:A lot of you guys sound stupid. Have you never heard that love is blind? In college, I was bulimic with a ferocious temper and drug issues, and I also cheated on my boyfriend. My boyfriend was a nice, good looking, stable man. Nevertheless, he loved me madly and I dumped HIM for another man. He continued to contact me for years after marrying a much nicer woman, until I cut him off because I finally had my shit together and had met my husband.
It is absolutely possible OP's husband misses and still loves his crazy ex. Speaking as the crazy ex of a number of men, men love crazy bitches. OP, don't go nuts with insecurity, but keep your eyes open. And don't be so easygoing if he gets back in touch with her.
There is also the possibility that he might have exaggerated the ex's issues to OP so he could stay in touch with the ex without OP getting suspicious.
Your ex wasn't blindly in love with a cheating, abusive addict, he was mentally ill and the continued attempt to reconnect, while married to a much nicer woman, proves it.
Oh, and intelligent and mature men don't love crazy bitches.
Anonymous
07/30/2017 19:23
Subject: Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
Anonymous wrote:Grow up, OP.
I think telling OP to grow up and forget is easy to say, hard to do.
It's been about over 10??? (Kids at sleep-away camp so at least 10) years of marriage and JUST hearing from DH that he feels like he has one that got away and completely rewriting everything he told her.
Anonymous
07/29/2017 19:41
Subject: Husband has a "one that got away!". Not sure how I feel
Grow up, OP.