Anonymous wrote:As a single woman I should reconsider the marriage idea. Who benefits more from a marriage men or women?

Good question. Many men want a mommy figure and get into that dynamic with the wifey taking care of them like an addditional child that can't contribute (anything beyond a paycheck).

Anonymous wrote:Well. Women wanted these sensitive, metro sexual men in touch with their feelings. This is what you get..worthless, lacking ambition weak men.

More to the point, judging by the threads, divorce rate and sexless marriages posted about here, there is little reason men see the benefits of marriage. There are great women out there...not many are found in DC or posting on this forum though

When I read this I think of some sensitive guy with a beard. You know, the type who call someone a soulmate. I cannot believe women want these men. You see them all over the place. Those super skinny urban nerds who have the fanny packs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women have learned to do a double shift and balance everything (kids, house, work) themselves. Men haven't picked up the slack from having a working wife and women are getting sick of it.

This.

+2

Men are net liabilities. Not only do they do nothing to help on the home front, they make messes everywhere and forget to do things they agreed to do.
Real deadweights.
Real bad role models for sons or daughters.

Anonymous wrote:Guys - marry Asian women! God's gift to men.

+1 I did. Wonderful to have a woman who puts a priority on pleasing a man.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
And, I should say, as a SAH dad I get so annoyed by the notion that men are incompetent in all these ways. Some might be, some are lazy, some are intimidated by the task, some just have no interest. But in most child-rearing activities, I'd say I do as well or better than most women I know. Some men are actually capable...

Probably the best thing to happen to my marriage was, when the kids were young, my wife got the opportunity to take a trip out of the country for a week. I got to take care of the kids *my way* -- and gain confidence in doing so; meanwhile, my wife was able to gain a level of comfort that the kids would be fine when she let go and just let me parent them. She didn't have to micromanage me. I was more comfortable, she was more comfortable, and the kids got two active parents.

Agreed. We did this by having DH take 6 weeks off after I went back to work. He gained a lot of competence and loved his time alone.

Agree with the previous posters. My DH is an amazing husband and father and I'm not posting the DH sucks threads. That said, there was some work on my part in letting go of the reins and trusting my DH with some of the kid things. He would offer to do things, like, "I'll take the kids to the mall so you can get xyz done or rest". Then he would come home and tell me how ladies young and old would stop him and compliment the girls and say how adorable and of course were impressed dad was taking the kids out the house. We joke how a woman with toddler children is expected and repel men, while a man with adorable little kids, it's the opposite. He really developed his own relationship with the kids. I honestly think of that groundwork when they were young was important for our relationship and feeling like we are partners and really a team when it comes to raising the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is happening. Do you want all of us married to husbands who do not suck to post threads in order to even out the balance.

I'll start. My husband does not suck. He got up this morning and went to work after staying up all night to take care of our sick child.

Same. I LOVE my dh.

But you have to admit that good men like this are rare. I can't believe the shit my friend's dh's pull. It's like men haven't evolved.

Another one. My husband rocks. He is super awesome and I live him to pieces.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason why men and women are running around like crazy and are stretched thin is because they choose to.

If most refused to accept jobs that had hours at consistently more than 50 hours a week, we will not have this problem.

DH and I are not career driven. We are job driven, and we live life accordingly. Our marriage is great. There is enough time to cook(me), do the dishes and the laundry(him),lay around with the kids daily and the weekends are lazy, slow paced, fun, and glorious.

Do you not have kids? Weekends are completely eaten up with their activities. I cannot wait for those lazy weekends again

We do, but they are still young. One scheduled activity each on the weekend. Et Voila! I hope we can keep this up as they get older. However, if we have an athlete(doubt it, lol), we will make it a family affair. DH and I used to go cheer my younger siblings who were very good athletes in college-that was always a fun way to spend the weekend).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason why men and women are running around like crazy and are stretched thin is because they choose to.

If most refused to accept jobs that had hours at consistently more than 50 hours a week, we will not have this problem.

DH and I are not career driven. We are job driven, and we live life accordingly. Our marriage is great. There is enough time to cook(me), do the dishes and the laundry(him),lay around with the kids daily and the weekends are lazy, slow paced, fun, and glorious.

Do you not have kids? Weekends are completely eaten up with their activities. I cannot wait for those lazy weekends again

Activities aren't necessary!!! Really. Just stop.

My mother grew up wealthy in Greenwich CT and married a Brooklyn boy with a very good education but no money. She raised 7 kids while my Dad worked his butt off. She never complained or talked about what her life use to be like. Over time they put all the kids through college without ever spending money on themselves until the last graduated. After that they lived comfortably, but never like she lived growing up. But she was incredibly happy, adored my father and was adored by him and all of her children. She could have bitched and moaned given the life she had led and then the life she lived. But she didn't. They were married 65 years before she passed. It broke my fathers heart and he died two years later. My point is that so many people on these threads seem to look for excuses for why they are unhappy rather than simply sucking it up and saying I'm going to make it better despite the odds.

Anonymous wrote:The only reason why men and women are running around like crazy and are stretched thin is because they choose to.

If most refused to accept jobs that had hours at consistently more than 50 hours a week, we will not have this problem.

DH and I are not career driven. We are job driven, and we live life accordingly. Our marriage is great. There is enough time to cook(me), do the dishes and the laundry(him),lay around with the kids daily and the weekends are lazy, slow paced, fun, and glorious.

Do you not have kids? Weekends are completely eaten up with their activities. I cannot wait for those lazy weekends again

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is happening. Do you want all of us married to husbands who do not suck to post threads in order to even out the balance.

I'll start. My husband does not suck. He got up this morning and went to work after staying up all night to take care of our sick child.

Same. I LOVE my dh.

But you have to admit that good men like this are rare. I can't believe the shit my friend's dh's pull. It's like men haven't evolved.

I also LOVE my DH, but it took over a decade to get to this point where we are both very happy in our relationship. We have decided - after trying many different arrangements over the years - that everyone in our family's life runs smoother if I am a SAHM and he is a workaholic. Thus, we have very clearly defined roles and no more resentment. As a woman who believes women can do most things better than men, this was a hard decision to come to. Giving up my very high status/paying career was very tough for me, but it was worth it in the end. No, we can't afford to live in a huge mansion and drive new BMWs, but we still have a very luxurious life, comparatively speaking, and do not have to make any sacrifices for lifestyle/retirement/college savings, primarily due to all of the years I put in before leaving the workforce. I think it's for the best. It is teaching our kids to learn to live within more normal means and not always think that money grows on trees. I have noticed that they are becoming much more aware of the value of money now that we are not blowing through it like we did when they were younger.

Even though I'm still working, this is the conclusion I've come to also. Yes it's anecdotal, but for me the happiest couples I know are by and large the ones where the wife is a SAHM. Clearly defined roles and everyone is happier. I know I'd be a lot happier if I wasn't working outside the home on top of all the things that have wound up being my responsibility anyway.

Happiest couples and families, maybe, but is the wife/mother truly fulfilled as an individual?

As a woman, if I was born into a wealthy family or if I married a wealthy man(my husband is wonderful, but not wealthy), I will stay home easily. I do not necessarily find fulfillment in working(some projects directly help someone and these are very fulfilling). For both of us, work is about the money. I could stay home and volunteer part time, and be much more fulfilled as an individual than working 40 plus hours almost every week.

"And then nights at home" ugh, typing on iPhone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too often, women make choices based on fear of what other people will think. In doing so, they end up with a lifestyle that is a horrible fit for their needs and personality. Sure, I'd like to have a big house and a nice car and a million friends and social obligations and all those things - in theory. Turns out, I'm happiest being a homebody with a stable job that will never make me rich, and I married a man with similar values. I'm not complaining about my DH on DCUM or anywhere else.

I wish I had known that before the house, car, obligations, etc. But for a lot of us it's hard to turn back now. The damage is done. The debts are there. The resentment towards DH is there. I'm not sure how to undo it all and live more simply at this point..

Try baby steps. Next car, pick something less expensive and hold onto it for longer. Next vacation, try something domestic instead of international. Next date night, try cooking together at home instead of an expensive restaurant in the city. Next free day with the family, try playing board games together instead of buying expensive tickets to a game. These things will bring your family together, strengthen your relationship, and a save you money, too.

This! This! This! It really isn't that hard at all. These suggestions are so simple and so easy to implement. You don't need things nearly as much as you think you do. When I got divorced, I really wanted to simplify. (Not to mention being on a new budget and financial situation forces you to.) I moved to a tiny apartment, but that I loved and was cozy. I didn't have cable or *gasp* internet. I absolutely loved spending Saturday afternoons at the library using the wifi and then. Ugh ya at home listening to music and reading. I honestly feel that by living really simply for a few years without the usual constant sources of modern entertainment helped me figure out who I really am. I'm engaged now and living with my fiancé but we still have a simple, small, old house and live pretty frugally. (We have cable and Internet because my landlord includes it, lol). We go for walks. We vacation with friends at inexpensive and druveable places. We turn down many invites to go to dinner or happy hour to save money. It really is not hard, and so fulfilling. You just make one decision at a time and learn to love the moment you're in and enjoy quiet.

The women of DCUM are so tiresome and unattractive. I mean, they could look like supermodels in real life but man, are their personalities awful. You're not martyrs. Appreciate your husbands. Realize how hard they work to provide a good life for your family. Only get married to someone you're madly in love with. Don't be a bitch. It's not hard. --a fellow woman

DW's expected to look and act like porn stars, do brunt of housework and childcare and still work and bring home a good income. Also, women who work have to do a lot more than men to get promoted. That's just the way it is.
Women who put down mothers who stay at home as freeloaders are the worst!