Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM here. I admit I am one of those people who has a very easy gig now. My kids are grown, and I have a lot of help. I also have money. I slogged my butt off when I was younger and when I had my kids. Thankfully, I know now how hard it is to work at the office, pick up the kids, and pull a shift when you get home - and so I decided that the one thing that will make entire family happy is paid help. I kept the paid help when I became a SAHM, and I doubt if I will ever revert to not having that help.

I salute all the working moms who are working because they have to. I know not everyone is working as a high paying attorney or emergency room dr., and many women are working long hours for lower wages. I know that it is hard to do everything and raise kids too. I know that there is guilt when you miss some event that your child wants you to be in, and I know that your paycheck is a source of great security for your partner and an integral part of your HHI.

My SAH mom raised me to be a WOHM because she always felt that the grass was greener. Then I found that WOH had other costs that I was not willing to pay long term. I am now guiding my DD to a career that will provide her the flexibilty to WOH or SAH as needed, and which will still be sufficiently high paying.

I firmly believe that being a SAHM or WOHM, both has its challenges, and it really requires the husband to be an equal partner for the woman to succeed as a SAHM as well as a WOHM.

The one thing that women can and should do, is really work hard to get a stellar education at school and college and aim for a really high paying job. The financial well being of a woman is linked to the financial wellbeing of her children too. Every woman need to have the ability and skills to earn enough so that she can take care of herself and her kids. After that, it is really up to what hand you are dealt in the marriage and luck department. If you have the money, you can decide to WOH, SAH, WAH or whatever.

NP here. This post is reasonable but I do want to comment that isn't it about who you marry? If your daughter becomes a doctor or lawyer, great! She makes a lot of money but if she decides to stay home, her partner better be able to support her. For instance, she can't really be a SAHM if she marries a non-profit worker in one of the many associations here in DC.

The trick in my opinion is to have money. This money could have come from your trust fund, your job, lottery, alimony...whatever. You have to save and scrimp and have the seed money to be able to invest and grow it. No one is saying that a woman should become a SAHM, but women traditionally work in low paying jobs (or are paid less than men) and they just do not have the wealth. Most women have no control or idea about their money and how to grow it. So then it becomes a matter of who they marry.

If my DD becomes a doctor and married a non-profit worker, her choices would be to get a housekeeper so that both can work, or let her spouse SAH and provide him with support and housekeeper, or live very frugally and bank most of her money and SAHM on the small salary of her husband, or both work and both share the household chores. In all these situations I have described there is a financial planning aspect.

To be a SAHM or WOHM is wonderful only if you have help of your family (or you have outsourced some of the work) and you have money. If you are struggling financially as a SAHM or WOHM then you are in a tough spot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM here. I admit I am one of those people who has a very easy gig now. My kids are grown, and I have a lot of help. I also have money. I slogged my butt off when I was younger and when I had my kids. Thankfully, I know now how hard it is to work at the office, pick up the kids, and pull a shift when you get home - and so I decided that the one thing that will make entire family happy is paid help. I kept the paid help when I became a SAHM, and I doubt if I will ever revert to not having that help.

I salute all the working moms who are working because they have to. I know not everyone is working as a high paying attorney or emergency room dr., and many women are working long hours for lower wages. I know that it is hard to do everything and raise kids too. I know that there is guilt when you miss some event that your child wants you to be in, and I know that your paycheck is a source of great security for your partner and an integral part of your HHI.

My SAH mom raised me to be a WOHM because she always felt that the grass was greener. Then I found that WOH had other costs that I was not willing to pay long term. I am now guiding my DD to a career that will provide her the flexibilty to WOH or SAH as needed, and which will still be sufficiently high paying.

I firmly believe that being a SAHM or WOHM, both has its challenges, and it really requires the husband to be an equal partner for the woman to succeed as a SAHM as well as a WOHM.

The one thing that women can and should do, is really work hard to get a stellar education at school and college and aim for a really high paying job. The financial well being of a woman is linked to the financial wellbeing of her children too. Every woman need to have the ability and skills to earn enough so that she can take care of herself and her kids. After that, it is really up to what hand you are dealt in the marriage and luck department. If you have the money, you can decide to WOH, SAH, WAH or whatever.

NP here. This post is reasonable but I do want to comment that isn't it about who you marry? If your daughter becomes a doctor or lawyer, great! She makes a lot of money but if she decides to stay home, her partner better be able to support her. For instance, she can't really be a SAHM if she marries a non-profit worker in one of the many associations here in DC.

The trick in my opinion is to have money. This money could have come from your trust fund, your job, lottery, alimony...whatever. You have to save and scrimp and have the seed money to be able to invest and grow it. No one is saying that a woman should become a SAHM, but women traditionally work in low paying jobs (or are paid less than men) and they just do not have the wealth. Most women have no control or idea about their money and how to grow it. So then it becomes a matter of who they marry.

If my DD becomes a doctor and married a non-profit worker, her choices would be to get a housekeeper so that both can work, or let her spouse SAH and provide him with support and housekeeper, or live very frugally and bank most of her money and SAHM on the small salary of her husband, or both work and both share the household chores. In all these situations I have described there is a financial planning aspect.

To be a SAHM or WOHM is wonderful only if you have help of your family (or you have outsourced some of the work) and you have money. If you are struggling financially as a SAHM or WOHM then you are in a tough spot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM here. I admit I am one of those people who has a very easy gig now. My kids are grown, and I have a lot of help. I also have money. I slogged my butt off when I was younger and when I had my kids. Thankfully, I know now how hard it is to work at the office, pick up the kids, and pull a shift when you get home - and so I decided that the one thing that will make entire family happy is paid help. I kept the paid help when I became a SAHM, and I doubt if I will ever revert to not having that help.

I salute all the working moms who are working because they have to. I know not everyone is working as a high paying attorney or emergency room dr., and many women are working long hours for lower wages. I know that it is hard to do everything and raise kids too. I know that there is guilt when you miss some event that your child wants you to be in, and I know that your paycheck is a source of great security for your partner and an integral part of your HHI.

My SAH mom raised me to be a WOHM because she always felt that the grass was greener. Then I found that WOH had other costs that I was not willing to pay long term. I am now guiding my DD to a career that will provide her the flexibilty to WOH or SAH as needed, and which will still be sufficiently high paying.

I firmly believe that being a SAHM or WOHM, both has its challenges, and it really requires the husband to be an equal partner for the woman to succeed as a SAHM as well as a WOHM.

The one thing that women can and should do, is really work hard to get a stellar education at school and college and aim for a really high paying job. The financial well being of a woman is linked to the financial wellbeing of her children too. Every woman need to have the ability and skills to earn enough so that she can take care of herself and her kids. After that, it is really up to what hand you are dealt in the marriage and luck department. If you have the money, you can decide to WOH, SAH, WAH or whatever.

NP here. This post is reasonable but I do want to comment that isn't it about who you marry? If your daughter becomes a doctor or lawyer, great! She makes a lot of money but if she decides to stay home, her partner better be able to support her. For instance, she can't really be a SAHM if she marries a non-profit worker in one of the many associations here in DC.

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I have decided on this routine.

Breakfast and wipe counters
Unload and load dish washer
Get dressed / wear sunscreen
Switch the Laundry on the way out the door
Drink water in the car
Gym ( take shower there too)
Home for ds nap

Afternoon
Free lance work while baby is napping
Make dinner
Run errands if needed

Evening
Husband comes home and helps me so I can work for 2 hours. He does bath time and feedings when he's home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do too. I just don't get paid for it as I see no reason to take a job from someone who needs it. My moral responsibility is my family- always first- and then using my time and resources to help others.

NP here. You sound really classist and patronizing. Please stick to your mom gig and keep your 'help' to yourself.

No- it's annoying to hear what you choose to do constantly demeaned on here. Especially from people I don't believe, like the "human rights lawyer" eho found being a SAHM as a vacation. Talk about patronizing.

Eh, I stayed home for a few years with young kids when I was laid-off during the recession and it took a while to find a job that paid enough to justify the expense of childcare, and while it was a little stressful to have only one income and not know when I would find work again, my life was for sure easier when I was at home in comparison with when I was working.

Do you find that patronizing that I shared this experience?

No, sharing your experience is fine. Nothing wrong with saying, "staying home was easy FOR ME." The problem is that people who had an easy experience often assume that all others have an identical experience. As if all children and family situations are the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends who cooks and how many times a month you eat out?

I cook at least 3 dinners a week. Kids are in school until 3pm.

You only make dinner a few night a week yet you have most of the day to yourself? How do you fill your days? Are you caring for a elderly parent or driving low-income HIV patients to their doctors appointments? Visiting with elderly folks who live alone and can't get out much? Taking on special needs foster children? If not then you sound boring and self-absorbed. And probably lazy. What good are you doing on this world?

My mother was a SAHM, and this is insulting. She worked in her garden, sewed, volunteered at our schools, and then got a full time job once we were all past the age that we needed rides and supervision. She still works, although her salary isn't needed.

Please, share with us how your job benefits the broader society and not just your own bank account.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends who cooks and how many times a month you eat out?

I cook at least 3 dinners a week. Kids are in school until 3pm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends who cooks and how many times a month you eat out?

I cook at least 3 dinners a week. Kids are in school until 3pm.

You only make dinner a few night a week yet you have most of the day to yourself? How do you fill your days? Are you caring for a elderly parent or driving low-income HIV patients to their doctors appointments? Visiting with elderly folks who live alone and can't get out much? Taking on special needs foster children? If not then you sound boring and self-absorbed. And probably lazy. What good are you doing on this world?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends who cooks and how many times a month you eat out?

I cook at least 3 dinners a week. Kids are in school until 3pm.

You only make dinner a few night a week yet you have most of the day to yourself? How do you fill your days? Are you caring for a elderly parent or driving low-income HIV patients to their doctors appointments? Visiting with elderly folks who live alone and can't get out much? Taking on special needs foster children? If not then you sound boring and self-absorbed. And probably lazy. What good are you doing on this world?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends who cooks and how many times a month you eat out?

I cook at least 3 dinners a week. Kids are in school until 3pm.

You only make dinner a few night a week yet you have most of the day to yourself? How do you fill your days? Are you caring for a elderly parent or driving low-income HIV patients to their doctors appointments? Visiting with elderly folks who live alone and can't get out much? Taking on special needs foster children? If not then you sound boring and self-absorbed. And probably lazy. What good are you doing on this world?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends who cooks and how many times a month you eat out?

I cook at least 3 dinners a week. Kids are in school until 3pm.

Anonymous wrote:SAHM here. I admit I am one of those people who has a very easy gig now. My kids are grown, and I have a lot of help. I also have money. I slogged my butt off when I was younger and when I had my kids. Thankfully, I know now how hard it is to work at the office, pick up the kids, and pull a shift when you get home - and so I decided that the one thing that will make entire family happy is paid help. I kept the paid help when I became a SAHM, and I doubt if I will ever revert to not having that help.

I salute all the working moms who are working because they have to. I know not everyone is working as a high paying attorney or emergency room dr., and many women are working long hours for lower wages. I know that it is hard to do everything and raise kids too. I know that there is guilt when you miss some event that your child wants you to be in, and I know that your paycheck is a source of great security for your partner and an integral part of your HHI.

My SAH mom raised me to be a WOHM because she always felt that the grass was greener. Then I found that WOH had other costs that I was not willing to pay long term. I am now guiding my DD to a career that will provide her the flexibilty to WOH or SAH as needed, and which will still be sufficiently high paying.

I firmly believe that being a SAHM or WOHM, both has its challenges, and it really requires the husband to be an equal partner for the woman to succeed as a SAHM as well as a WOHM.

The one thing that women can and should do, is really work hard to get a stellar education at school and college and aim for a really high paying job. The financial well being of a woman is linked to the financial wellbeing of her children too. Every woman need to have the ability and skills to earn enough so that she can take care of herself and her kids. After that, it is really up to what hand you are dealt in the marriage and luck department. If you have the money, you can decide to WOH, SAH, WAH or whatever.

NP here. This post is reasonable but I do want to comment that isn't it about who you marry? If your daughter becomes a doctor or lawyer, great! She makes a lot of money but if she decides to stay home, her partner better be able to support her. For instance, she can't really be a SAHM if she marries a non-profit worker in one of the many associations here in DC.

Anonymous wrote:Depends who cooks and how many times a month you eat out?