Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalists and scientists don't look for breadwinner husbands. Hahaha- I absolutely love all of these ridiculous statements these WOH women are making.

I met my husband at 18- he was from a family with a ton less money than mine. We married at 30 and he is a very high earner (not law or medicine, when we married he only had his undergrad, now had MBA).

All of the people I know married because they were in love. This idea that women are preying upon breadwinner men is just funny.

+1. I'm actually laughing right now. All the SAHMs I know were working at the time they were married and it was a love match each time. Not one was going for her MRS. This idea of a college-educated woman on the prowl for a "breadwinner husband" is so 50's.

Claim what you will but their career choice speaks to the truth of their plans.

You sound very bitter, maybe it's time to reevaluate your own life choices?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DH has pretty flexible hours but the amount of money I was being paid and him needing to be home at 4 or 3 when school/clubs were over was tough on him as he's in a large office where people come in late and stay late so he often had to call in for 5:00 meetings

It's usually tough on both working parents isn't it? Why does it seem the default is always that the woman takes the career hit because juggling work and family is "too hard for the man"? And when the decision is made based on husband's "better earning power", aren't we feeding a self-fulfilling prophecy?

DH here. I always looked for family friendly work and my DW and I had pretty similar careers. I wanted to be egalitarian, so we sure split drop off and pickup, despite taking lots of flak from my customers. I even considered staying home since she had a chance at a big promotion.

But now that we are older parents I see how it works, how the parent networks at schools are run by moms, mostly SAHMs, and dads are really shut out there (look up any thread about the isolation of SAHDs). But now because I focused my career on work life balance for both of us, I have few paths to boost it to a breadwinner role despite us both seeing the real value of having a parent at home and that parent being the mom.

I am not advocating that women should always be the default parent but unless you do that you can severely limit future choices.

I am a WOH who works fulltime, and I think this idea of some SAHM school cabal is so overdramatic and ridiculous. My kids' school is filled with SAHMs who do a great job volunteering and who are also welcoming of me and the work I do to pitch in (which is work I do in evenings/weekends). Some of them have become my close friends. My DH, who also volunteers, has not been remotely shut out and his efforts are also welcomed. The idea that you'd change career paths based on the idea of a SAHM school cabal seems so melodramatic.

Also, let's assume for a moment you're right and imagine a fantasy world where the parent networks at school are entirely run by exclusionary SAHMs who won't even talk to you if you are a male or WOHM. What impact does that even have in your life and on your children compared to the impact of job stability, work/life balance, health insurance, etc.? Their teachers are still their teachers. Their school is still their school. They make friends of their own accord and you can't force that no matter how many playdates you try to orchestrate.

This just seems so drama llama to me.

Its not like they refuse to talk to him at school (but they do refuse to have playdates at each others house, talk at the park, or invite to coffee after drop-off),but don't kid yourself that a SAHD or your DH volunteering is treated as an outsider as far as the social aspect of school. Your involvement helps moderate it, especially if you are especially friendly and high energy -- which if you volunteer evenings and weekends, that must be. Our school doesn't have any weekend volunteer activities, never heard of that.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/506934.page

As for the impact just read this thread: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/596930.page

Okay, let's say that's entirely true. Let's say that WOHMs and SAHDs are fully socially marginalized at school. Let's say that no SAHM will allow their child to have a playdate with the child of a WOHM or SAHD, ever. What impact does that have on your life and the lives of your children that comes anywhere close to the impact that stable financial situations, flexible jobs, health insurance etc have? What you're suggesting seems so melodramatic to me.

Also, IME there is plenty of school volunteer work that can be done weekends/evenings. Most of it is organizational in nature, or is take-home work to help the teacher. But you don't have to volunteer at all, and your kids will be fine, and if they're not fine the problems likely have very little to do with whether you volunteered in their classrooms or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DH has pretty flexible hours but the amount of money I was being paid and him needing to be home at 4 or 3 when school/clubs were over was tough on him as he's in a large office where people come in late and stay late so he often had to call in for 5:00 meetings

It's usually tough on both working parents isn't it? Why does it seem the default is always that the woman takes the career hit because juggling work and family is "too hard for the man"? And when the decision is made based on husband's "better earning power", aren't we feeding a self-fulfilling prophecy?

DH here. I always looked for family friendly work and my DW and I had pretty similar careers. I wanted to be egalitarian, so we sure split drop off and pickup, despite taking lots of flak from my customers. I even considered staying home since she had a chance at a big promotion.

But now that we are older parents I see how it works, how the parent networks at schools are run by moms, mostly SAHMs, and dads are really shut out there (look up any thread about the isolation of SAHDs). But now because I focused my career on work life balance for both of us, I have few paths to boost it to a breadwinner role despite us both seeing the real value of having a parent at home and that parent being the mom.

I am not advocating that women should always be the default parent but unless you do that you can severely limit future choices.

I am a WOH who works fulltime, and I think this idea of some SAHM school cabal is so overdramatic and ridiculous. My kids' school is filled with SAHMs who do a great job volunteering and who are also welcoming of me and the work I do to pitch in (which is work I do in evenings/weekends). Some of them have become my close friends. My DH, who also volunteers, has not been remotely shut out and his efforts are also welcomed. The idea that you'd change career paths based on the idea of a SAHM school cabal seems so melodramatic.

Also, let's assume for a moment you're right and imagine a fantasy world where the parent networks at school are entirely run by exclusionary SAHMs who won't even talk to you if you are a male or WOHM. What impact does that even have in your life and on your children compared to the impact of job stability, work/life balance, health insurance, etc.? Their teachers are still their teachers. Their school is still their school. They make friends of their own accord and you can't force that no matter how many playdates you try to orchestrate.

This just seems so drama llama to me.

Its not like they refuse to talk to him at school (but they do refuse to have playdates at each others house, talk at the park, or invite to coffee after drop-off),but don't kid yourself that a SAHD or your DH volunteering is treated as an outsider as far as the social aspect of school. Your involvement helps moderate it, especially if you are especially friendly and high energy -- which if you volunteer evenings and weekends, that must be. Our school doesn't have any weekend volunteer activities, never heard of that.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/506934.page

As for the impact just read this thread: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/596930.page

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalists and scientists don't look for breadwinner husbands. Hahaha- I absolutely love all of these ridiculous statements these WOH women are making.

I met my husband at 18- he was from a family with a ton less money than mine. We married at 30 and he is a very high earner (not law or medicine, when we married he only had his undergrad, now had MBA).

All of the people I know married because they were in love. This idea that women are preying upon breadwinner men is just funny.

+1. I'm actually laughing right now. All the SAHMs I know were working at the time they were married and it was a love match each time. Not one was going for her MRS. This idea of a college-educated woman on the prowl for a "breadwinner husband" is so 50's.

Claim what you will but their career choice speaks to the truth of their plans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DH has pretty flexible hours but the amount of money I was being paid and him needing to be home at 4 or 3 when school/clubs were over was tough on him as he's in a large office where people come in late and stay late so he often had to call in for 5:00 meetings

It's usually tough on both working parents isn't it? Why does it seem the default is always that the woman takes the career hit because juggling work and family is "too hard for the man"? And when the decision is made based on husband's "better earning power", aren't we feeding a self-fulfilling prophecy?

DH here. I always looked for family friendly work and my DW and I had pretty similar careers. I wanted to be egalitarian, so we sure split drop off and pickup, despite taking lots of flak from my customers. I even considered staying home since she had a chance at a big promotion.

But now that we are older parents I see how it works, how the parent networks at schools are run by moms, mostly SAHMs, and dads are really shut out there (look up any thread about the isolation of SAHDs). But now because I focused my career on work life balance for both of us, I have few paths to boost it to a breadwinner role despite us both seeing the real value of having a parent at home and that parent being the mom.

I am not advocating that women should always be the default parent but unless you do that you can severely limit future choices.

I am a WOH who works fulltime, and I think this idea of some SAHM school cabal is so overdramatic and ridiculous. My kids' school is filled with SAHMs who do a great job volunteering and who are also welcoming of me and the work I do to pitch in (which is work I do in evenings/weekends). Some of them have become my close friends. My DH, who also volunteers, has not been remotely shut out and his efforts are also welcomed. The idea that you'd change career paths based on the idea of a SAHM school cabal seems so melodramatic.

Also, let's assume for a moment you're right and imagine a fantasy world where the parent networks at school are entirely run by exclusionary SAHMs who won't even talk to you if you are a male or WOHM. What impact does that even have in your life and on your children compared to the impact of job stability, work/life balance, health insurance, etc.? Their teachers are still their teachers. Their school is still their school. They make friends of their own accord and you can't force that no matter how many playdates you try to orchestrate.

This just seems so drama llama to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DH has pretty flexible hours but the amount of money I was being paid and him needing to be home at 4 or 3 when school/clubs were over was tough on him as he's in a large office where people come in late and stay late so he often had to call in for 5:00 meetings

It's usually tough on both working parents isn't it? Why does it seem the default is always that the woman takes the career hit because juggling work and family is "too hard for the man"? And when the decision is made based on husband's "better earning power", aren't we feeding a self-fulfilling prophecy?

DH here. I always looked for family friendly work and my DW and I had pretty similar careers. I wanted to be egalitarian, so we sure split drop off and pickup, despite taking lots of flak from my customers. I even considered staying home since she had a chance at a big promotion.

But now that we are older parents I see how it works, how the parent networks at schools are run by moms, mostly SAHMs, and dads are really shut out there (look up any thread about the isolation of SAHDs). But now because I focused my career on work life balance for both of us, I have few paths to boost it to a breadwinner role despite us both seeing the real value of having a parent at home and that parent being the mom.

I am not advocating that women should always be the default parent but unless you do that you can severely limit future choices.

Anonymous wrote:

DH has pretty flexible hours but the amount of money I was being paid and him needing to be home at 4 or 3 when school/clubs were over was tough on him as he's in a large office where people come in late and stay late so he often had to call in for 5:00 meetings

It's usually tough on both working parents isn't it? Why does it seem the default is always that the woman takes the career hit because juggling work and family is "too hard for the man"? And when the decision is made based on husband's "better earning power", aren't we feeding a self-fulfilling prophecy?

DH has pretty flexible hours but the amount of money I was being paid and him needing to be home at 4 or 3 when school/clubs were over was tough on him as he's in a large office where people come in late and stay late so he often had to call in for 5:00 meetings

Anonymous wrote:No. I don't need his money as I have my own. Proud to own my choice- just like I hope WOH moms are. There seems to be a lot of disdain for SAH moms here - and lots of people who want to paint the choice to SAH as "lesser than". I don't care, so yes, im proud of my decision to do what we feel is best for our (and only our) family.

I certainly would hope that you don't tell women who wish they could SAH but can't that they "picked the wrong husband". So cringeworthy.

Anonymous wrote:I worked as a scientist but now a SAHM and I absolutely love it! I love staying home with my baby and taking care of my DH, cooking and keeping our house in order. Getting up whenever I want to. I also enjoy dropping off/picking up DH from work. I wish I never have to go back to work and have to worry about people throwing me under the bus or if my company is outsourcing to China. I know that I will not have career to go back to several years from now so planning to go back to school and retrain for another field. Enjoying this moment because I know it's not going to last but at least I experienced it.