Anonymous
11/09/2016 14:59
Subject: does DIL sound mad?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:And DIL will still expect me to babysit this weekend. I babysit most weekends
OP, did you write this comment?
Do you ever post pictures of this granddaughter? Maybe that is part of the problem. Next time you babysit, take a selfie with this granddaughter and post something like "love spending time with my little Larla" or something along those lines. Your DIL will appreciate it and it will start to thaw the ice.
Anonymous
11/09/2016 13:01
Subject: does DIL sound mad?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not rude. She doesn't get it and she really should have. I certainly wouldn't have pitched a fit if my sister-in-law had posed with her own mother and daughter[b]. Maybe she deleted her post because she finally realized what the picture was and that her request was pouty and out of line.
Now that you know she may not understand how generations work in the family, you can respond with a simple "next time I'll give you a call when we're taking a picture" and then just let it go.
But it wasn't SIL who posted. It was the grandmother, who posted a picture with one of her grand-daughters, but not the other. The favoritism is obvious and OP is refusing to own it.
And DIL didn't pitch a fit. She said that she wished her daughter was in the picture. Which doesn't seem at all out of line. Sure, there are perfectly valid reasons to take the photo that OP posted, but it's also not crazy to wish that a photo of the female generations included all of the female grandchildren. I've actually seen those photos done so that they are all the direct descendants of the oldest woman in the photo--in this case, OP's mother--in which case, all the granddaughters would be included.
And it's just ungracious as hell to respond to that sentiment the way OP did. Saying you would have loved to have little Larla in the photos, too, and you're looking forward to getting some new photos with her the next time you see her would have cost OP nothing, and would have helped build a bridge to the DIL, not a wall.
Anonymous
11/09/2016 12:50
Subject: does DIL sound mad?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The other day DIL shared meme on Facebook. Part of it mentioned hoe grandparents play favorites. I blew it off and made no assumptions. Well today I post a picture of my mother, myself, my daughter and granddaughter and the caption said 4 generations. DIL commented about how she wishes her daughter had been included. I explained to her that was a picture that was for her with her own mom. Well she deleted her comment and didn't respond. Is this her passive aggressive way of letting me know she's mad or am I putting too much into it?
Stupid. You should have explained it was an impromptu picture and you couldn't wait for Larla to be included.
This. She said that she wished her daughter (YOUR granddaughter) could have been included, which is not a rude thing to say--and your response was to imply that she and her granddaughter didn't belong. Instead of saying, "Wouldn't that have been wonderful!"
Anonymous
11/08/2016 19:35
Subject: does DIL sound mad?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:And DIL will still expect me to babysit this weekend. I babysit most weekends
OP, did you write this comment?
What about your son? Isn't it his child, too? Geez.
Anonymous
11/08/2016 19:11
Subject: does DIL sound mad?
Anonymous wrote:And DIL will still expect me to babysit this weekend. I babysit most weekends
OP, did you write this comment?
Anonymous
11/08/2016 19:00
Subject: does DIL sound mad?
blah blah blah Facebook drama blah blah blah. You and she need more to do in your lives than borrow trouble all the time.
Anonymous
11/08/2016 17:22
Subject: does DIL sound mad?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mother and I have taken similar pictures with my grandmother. I am so thankful that my SIL (and my brother, for that matter) isn't a neurotic mess like the posters on this board.
Seriously, I'm struggling here with this kind of response. Are you really incapable of understanding the point here? Here are the issues:
1.) OP showed favoritism to the other grandchild was before this picture was taken.
2.) DIL clearly expressed this (even if it was in a passive/agressive manner) before the generations picture.
3.) OP couldn't understand why feelings were hurt due to the picture. Sure, as a one-time event it would be silly to have hurt feelings. But, from the OPs original post, it seems clear that the DIL doesn't consider this to be the first instance of showing favoritism. OP seems unwilling to acknowledge this.
4.) OP decides to respond in a completely snarky way to a DIL who was already feeling hurt.
So stop focusing on the fact that you wouldn't be hurt to be excluded like that. It's not about the single event. It is about a (assumed, based on the meme) pattern of behavior that shows favoritism to one granddaughter over another.
If you're struggling, I feel badly for you. Not everyone has the same point of view. If you find it difficult to understand why someone may feel differently than you, you are in for a very difficult/rough life. You are assuming a lot and making this all fall on the OP - if the DIL has a problem, she should come forward and discuss it like an adult. Why is it all on the OP to guess how the DIL may feel based on a passive aggressive internet post?
DIL did raise it with OP and OP shut her down. DIL said "I wish my daughter was in the picture." OP blew her off. DIL was an adult.
Anonymous
11/08/2016 17:20
Subject: does DIL sound mad?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mother and I have taken similar pictures with my grandmother. I am so thankful that my SIL (and my brother, for that matter) isn't a neurotic mess like the posters on this board.
Seriously, I'm struggling here with this kind of response. Are you really incapable of understanding the point here? Here are the issues:
1.) OP showed favoritism to the other grandchild was before this picture was taken.
2.) DIL clearly expressed this (even if it was in a passive/agressive manner) before the generations picture.
3.) OP couldn't understand why feelings were hurt due to the picture. Sure, as a one-time event it would be silly to have hurt feelings. But, from the OPs original post, it seems clear that the DIL doesn't consider this to be the first instance of showing favoritism. OP seems unwilling to acknowledge this.
4.) OP decides to respond in a completely snarky way to a DIL who was already feeling hurt.
So stop focusing on the fact that you wouldn't be hurt to be excluded like that. It's not about the single event. It is about a (assumed, based on the meme) pattern of behavior that shows favoritism to one granddaughter over another.
If you're struggling, I feel badly for you. Not everyone has the same point of view. If you find it difficult to understand why someone may feel differently than you, you are in for a very difficult/rough life. You are assuming a lot and making this all fall on the OP - if the DIL has a problem, she should come forward and discuss it like an adult. Why is it all on the OP to guess how the DIL may feel based on a passive aggressive internet post?
Anonymous
11/08/2016 15:08
Subject: does DIL sound mad?
yeah, op, while you are factually correct, that's not gracious and you know it. do you want your DIL (and granddaughter?) to like you or not? if so, look inward and make some changes in your approach