Sorry, I'm still trying to figure out why someone would have a kid at 24....

Anonymous wrote:Both of You sound awful. You are a meddling woman still coddling her baby and DIL is a spoiled brat who has t i have her way. Of your son is smart he will get away from both of you.

Interesting. I blame the son/husband. If he doesn't want to do it, he shouldn't do it. He's got a family for goodness' sake; he's old enough to stand up to his mom. If he does want to do it, he should tell his wife that and stop blaming his mommy. Also, he probably should have said that it wasn't a good time for the second child, despite his wife's desire to have them close together. He's letting the women in his life dictate everything so no one is happy. He is weak.

What is your culture, OP?

Anonymous wrote:op here! to clarify he will very reinburst by his employer as long as he passes the bar so the financial strain is only temporary. I love the frozen meal idea, DIL is very complementary of my cooking so I think this is a good avenue. I also like the grocery giftcard idea, I can just leave that on the kitchen counter and not say anything. It's my culture (and DIL) to play a very involved role and divorce would never be an option for anyone. This is why I want to make things comfortable and release some tension.

Oh this just gets better. The culture card is bullshit. Back the eff off

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a law degree and I am trying to think of what kind of company would give someone a promotion for getting a law degree at night. I imagine there are so many other graduate degrees that would be so much more beneficial.

Same here....maybe he's a paralegal? It seems to only make sense if he's working in law without a law degree.....and even then, probably not worth it.

My bet is that he's an engineer or in another science-y field, and they've told him that if he gets the law degree, they'll move him to an in-house patent position. It could make some sense in that sort of field, but really not worth blowing your family up over, or missing out on your kids entire childhood. I know someone that did the law school at night when his kids were young, and it was hard on his wife, but not totally impossible because he had an easy day job that he could have slept walked through, so could do some studying during the day and certainly wasn't killing himself on the weekends.

So, to answer the original question - I don't know that you can encourage your DIL to buck up and hold out for what you think is a big payoff coming a year and a half down the line. A year and a half is a long time! And the payoff at this point isn't even guaranteed.

I don't know what you can do. Her saying that the marriage is hanging on by a thread isn't promising. I was going to suggest that maybe he put the degree on hold for a while, but it sounds like he's been paying for this out of pocket - maybe that's an option anyway?

Or maybe just ask your DIL what you can do to help?

Both of You sound awful. You are a meddling woman still coddling her baby and DIL is a spoiled brat who has t i have her way. Of your son is smart he will get away from both of you.

Which culture is this?

NP. I'm appreciating my MIL right now. She's annoying at times, but it is a 1-2 on a 10-point scale. OP is a 10.5. It's especially annoying to see her cognitive dissonance at work (but we're from a different culture where this kind of intervention is normal and good!). She is a clueless, reckless busybody.

just leave that on the kitchen counter and not say anything

OMG don't do this. So passive-aggressive. Is she then suppose to "thank you"? Ignore it? Pretend she doesn't know how it got there? It is just weird. Don't be weird.

spoken like a true MIL

Anonymous wrote:op here! to clarify he will very reinburst by his employer as long as he passes the bar so the financial strain is only temporary. I love the frozen meal idea, DIL is very complementary of my cooking so I think this is a good avenue. I also like the grocery giftcard idea, I can just leave that on the kitchen counter and not say anything. It's my culture (and DIL) to play a very involved role and divorce would never be an option for anyone. This is why I want to make things comfortable and release some tension.

Pay for a weekly cleaning woman if at all possible. This would be even better than meals, for me at least.

Sounds to me like the DIL is trying to blame in laws for her sketchy marriage. The son is an adult and has made his own decision. Sounds like the DIL pushed for another child, wants to stay home, but is blaming the MIL for her own questionable decision. I'll bet these in laws are paying for the education and she'd rather have the cash.

Anonymous wrote:I have a law degree and I am trying to think of what kind of company would give someone a promotion for getting a law degree at night. I imagine there are so many other graduate degrees that would be so much more beneficial.

Same here....maybe he's a paralegal? It seems to only make sense if he's working in law without a law degree.....and even then, probably not worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's obvious that you come from money (or at least well off) and you wish you son to meet your expectations, not his wife's. Not only were you wrong, your son is missing out on a once on a life time of chance of watching his kids grow up.

To answer your actual question about your DIL hating you, can't you see her side? It's her life just as much as it is your sons.

You think so? There are actually quite a few grammatical errors in OP's post. I think she's climbing the social ladder through her kid. Good god. I can't imagine my parents being invested in my life to that degree at age 29.

Unfortunately I can, but I wish I didn't. Heck, I don't have to imagine it, my mom wants full summary of my Dr. appointments, and of course, she always has it worse. She insists that I take my kids to Dr, at the slightest sign of a cold. Examples are in gazillions. She doesn't live with us. I am in my mid 40s, and on the verge of just cutting her off. She is completely nuts and I can't stand it any more. She has given up on me getting my PhD but just barely.