Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with OP's case is she's snooping on her boyfriend. This is literally the only problem here.

OP Here...Not snooping, phone hadn't locked yet, a text came in, I looked down and saw it and the name of the person so I picked up the phone. If I hadn't I would still be in the dark about all this. Thinking everything was great and this relationship was progressing. I could have just let it go but my gut told me to pick it up and I did.

OP, that is snooping. You looked at his phone. It doesn't matter if it was locked or not or whether you were right or not. You picked up his phone and read something that was not intended for you.

I think that the main thing here is that you are insecure and you do not trust your boyfriend. If you want to know if he is interested in her romantically, ask him, "Sam, are you interested in Beth romantically? If she asked you to have sex with her, would you do it?" Right now, it sounds like your boyfriend is into you and doesn't understand why you are so threatened by this woman. Either tell him what your actual concern is and address it, or cut him loose and let him find someone to date who isn't completely insane.

Really? He doesn't seem that into her to me.

He drives long distances to see her and other than this one issue, OP has not been able to cite any problems with their relationship, which she believed was going well, until she snooped in his phone.

So you think she should just ignore this and move on and not be threatened by any of this? I don't know if I agree with this. It is like dirty little secret he is keeping from her. She hasn't seen any actually inappropriate exchanges between them but the volume is disturbing and that is what she sees on text, there is something else she mentioned that they communicate on but she doesn't seem to have access to it and then the phone calls. Why all this attention to another woman. Why isn't he calling her instead of this woman? To many questions. Not that black and white

No, I think she should break up with him because she sounds insecure and I don't think there's any way for him to address that. The OP's concerns with this friendship are mostly centered around how much more successful/attractive/etc. this woman is than the OP. Given that the boyfriend is forthcoming about the relationship when asked, I don't think there's any dirty little secret. She's known him for 6 months and is essentially demanding that he give up a friendship with someone who he has already stated is not a romantic prospect for him and focus only on her.

If you and the OP are the kind of women who cannot stand the idea of your husbands and boyfriends being friends with women, then don't have relationships with men who have female friends. It's actually pretty black and white.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with OP's case is she's snooping on her boyfriend. This is literally the only problem here.

OP Here...Not snooping, phone hadn't locked yet, a text came in, I looked down and saw it and the name of the person so I picked up the phone. If I hadn't I would still be in the dark about all this. Thinking everything was great and this relationship was progressing. I could have just let it go but my gut told me to pick it up and I did.

I think I said this a few pages back, but he is dumb enough to not lock his phone, but also dumb enough to use previews for incoming texts?

Wow. He wanted to get caught.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with OP's case is she's snooping on her boyfriend. This is literally the only problem here.

OP Here...Not snooping, phone hadn't locked yet, a text came in, I looked down and saw it and the name of the person so I picked up the phone. If I hadn't I would still be in the dark about all this. Thinking everything was great and this relationship was progressing. I could have just let it go but my gut told me to pick it up and I did.

OP, that is snooping. You looked at his phone. It doesn't matter if it was locked or not or whether you were right or not. You picked up his phone and read something that was not intended for you.

I think that the main thing here is that you are insecure and you do not trust your boyfriend. If you want to know if he is interested in her romantically, ask him, "Sam, are you interested in Beth romantically? If she asked you to have sex with her, would you do it?" Right now, it sounds like your boyfriend is into you and doesn't understand why you are so threatened by this woman. Either tell him what your actual concern is and address it, or cut him loose and let him find someone to date who isn't completely insane.

Really? He doesn't seem that into her to me.

He drives long distances to see her and other than this one issue, OP has not been able to cite any problems with their relationship, which she believed was going well, until she snooped in his phone.

So you think she should just ignore this and move on and not be threatened by any of this? I don't know if I agree with this. It is like dirty little secret he is keeping from her. She hasn't seen any actually inappropriate exchanges between them but the volume is disturbing and that is what she sees on text, there is something else she mentioned that they communicate on but she doesn't seem to have access to it and then the phone calls. Why all this attention to another woman. Why isn't he calling her instead of this woman? To many questions. Not that black and white

My ex had a 'friend' like this. Totally harmless, or so I thought. She was 22 and he was 40, I thought surely he wasn't interested because she was basically a child. Yeah. We hit a rough patch, he started ****ing her. I dumped him, he stayed with her. She dumped him a year later when she met someone her own age. Now he's 46 and dating another 22 year old. Oh and he got fired because she was his receptionist. Just waiting for her to find someone her own age, then he can be the 50 year old chasing 20 year olds, but by then they won't want his soft ****.

I remarried someone my own age, he is lovely. Makes 4x what my ex made, but the ex still has to pay child support and 4 more years of a 10 year alimony.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with OP's case is she's snooping on her boyfriend. This is literally the only problem here.

OP Here...Not snooping, phone hadn't locked yet, a text came in, I looked down and saw it and the name of the person so I picked up the phone. If I hadn't I would still be in the dark about all this. Thinking everything was great and this relationship was progressing. I could have just let it go but my gut told me to pick it up and I did.

OP, that is snooping. You looked at his phone. It doesn't matter if it was locked or not or whether you were right or not. You picked up his phone and read something that was not intended for you.

I think that the main thing here is that you are insecure and you do not trust your boyfriend. If you want to know if he is interested in her romantically, ask him, "Sam, are you interested in Beth romantically? If she asked you to have sex with her, would you do it?" Right now, it sounds like your boyfriend is into you and doesn't understand why you are so threatened by this woman. Either tell him what your actual concern is and address it, or cut him loose and let him find someone to date who isn't completely insane.

Really? He doesn't seem that into her to me.

He drives long distances to see her and other than this one issue, OP has not been able to cite any problems with their relationship, which she believed was going well, until she snooped in his phone.

He's only a boyfriend, right? You guys aren't engaged or married, right? Then what's the problem?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with OP's case is she's snooping on her boyfriend. This is literally the only problem here.

OP Here...Not snooping, phone hadn't locked yet, a text came in, I looked down and saw it and the name of the person so I picked up the phone. If I hadn't I would still be in the dark about all this. Thinking everything was great and this relationship was progressing. I could have just let it go but my gut told me to pick it up and I did.

OP, that is snooping. You looked at his phone. It doesn't matter if it was locked or not or whether you were right or not. You picked up his phone and read something that was not intended for you.

I think that the main thing here is that you are insecure and you do not trust your boyfriend. If you want to know if he is interested in her romantically, ask him, "Sam, are you interested in Beth romantically? If she asked you to have sex with her, would you do it?" Right now, it sounds like your boyfriend is into you and doesn't understand why you are so threatened by this woman. Either tell him what your actual concern is and address it, or cut him loose and let him find someone to date who isn't completely insane.

Really? He doesn't seem that into her to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with OP's case is she's snooping on her boyfriend. This is literally the only problem here.

OP Here...Not snooping, phone hadn't locked yet, a text came in, I looked down and saw it and the name of the person so I picked up the phone. If I hadn't I would still be in the dark about all this. Thinking everything was great and this relationship was progressing. I could have just let it go but my gut told me to pick it up and I did.

OP, that is snooping. You looked at his phone. It doesn't matter if it was locked or not or whether you were right or not. You picked up his phone and read something that was not intended for you.

I think that the main thing here is that you are insecure and you do not trust your boyfriend. If you want to know if he is interested in her romantically, ask him, "Sam, are you interested in Beth romantically? If she asked you to have sex with her, would you do it?" Right now, it sounds like your boyfriend is into you and doesn't understand why you are so threatened by this woman. Either tell him what your actual concern is and address it, or cut him loose and let him find someone to date who isn't completely insane.

Anonymous wrote:The problem with OP's case is she's snooping on her boyfriend. This is literally the only problem here.

OP Here...Not snooping, phone hadn't locked yet, a text came in, I looked down and saw it and the name of the person so I picked up the phone. If I hadn't I would still be in the dark about all this. Thinking everything was great and this relationship was progressing. I could have just let it go but my gut told me to pick it up and I did.

The problem with OP's case is she's snooping on her boyfriend. This is literally the only problem here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You -- and all DCUMs -- who demand all contact with ex's, women, etc., be ended are crazy. Please respect and trust your partners. Please accept that you DH can be normal and actual friends with other women. Please do not complain, nag, or bitch yourself into a "he has no female friends" dead zone. Please do not make your and his life hell over unnecessary drama..

This is so true and this is coming from a woman. If you make yourself the only woman in your boyfriend/DH life then when a woman that is even mildly titillating comes along they go bonkers cause you are the only female they have been exposed to in forever. Now as for the OP of this thread.....that is a little more than a "friend". Seems she is the one with all the power right now. If she decided to move their relationship further he is gone. That is like a sword hanging over your head. Who wants that.

I am the PP who said "so what if you cooked your goose"...I don't advocate for cutting off the opposite sex altogether. My fiancé had female friends and I have male friends. The problem with OP's case is that her boyfriend wasn't transparent about it at first, and this woman gets a good morning and a good night from him, and even phone calls before calls to OP. There is nothing at all wrong with having opposite sex friends, but in my opinion, your partner and significant other should always be ther number one opposite sex person in your life (aside from family and sometimes even then). The issue is that it seems that OP is not number one here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you ask him why he wouldn't immediately take up with her if you stepped out of the picture? What is keeping them from being together? Did they ever discuss it?

OP here, he says it has never even come up in conversation between them. He says he wouldn't take up with her because he doesn't think that is what she wants. Not him but her...until she changes her mind.

So he wants it. Sounds clear to me.

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you ask him why he wouldn't immediately take up with her if you stepped out of the picture? What is keeping them from being together? Did they ever discuss it?

OP here, he says it has never even come up in conversation between them. He says he wouldn't take up with her because he doesn't think that is what she wants. Not him but her...until she changes her mind.

Anonymous wrote:You -- and all DCUMs -- who demand all contact with ex's, women, etc., be ended are crazy. Please respect and trust your partners. Please accept that you DH can be normal and actual friends with other women. Please do not complain, nag, or bitch yourself into a "he has no female friends" dead zone. Please do not make your and his life hell over unnecessary drama..

This is so true and this is coming from a woman. If you make yourself the only woman in your boyfriend/DH life then when a woman that is even mildly titillating comes along they go bonkers cause you are the only female they have been exposed to in forever. Now as for the OP of this thread.....that is a little more than a "friend". Seems she is the one with all the power right now. If she decided to move their relationship further he is gone. That is like a sword hanging over your head. Who wants that.

You -- and all DCUMs -- who demand all contact with ex's, women, etc., be ended are crazy. Please respect and trust your partners. Please accept that you DH can be normal and actual friends with other women. Please do not complain, nag, or bitch yourself into a "he has no female friends" dead zone. Please do not make your and his life hell over unnecessary drama..