Anonymous wrote:Seriously people, part-time employment is the way to go, if you can. Then you can see the issue from both perspectives and, hopefully, quit being so judgmental of one another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if a lot of people make this decision because they are a bit more settled financially when they have ES kids than when the kids are babies and they are saving for a down payment on a house, paying off student loan debt, establishing a home (buying furniture and all), saving for retirement (you need to do it early!), etc.

I can only speak from MY experience. From what I've seen over there years, parents don't drop out of the workforce as they get older, they go BACK to work. Volunteer as a room mom in Kindergarten and then again 6th grade. Most parents are all back at work. I'm room mom for my 5th grader (and I work0gasp!) and it is very difficult to get parental participation because people are now AT WORK.

With that said, I've found working has gotten easier the older I have become, and I'm getting paid MORE for doing less. I can WFH a decent amount and have a lot of seniority to be flexible. Plus at 38, I've really ramped up the retirement savings and it would be such a blow to have that wind down. Our plans now revolve around paying off our house and making investments. Not able to invest in more if I don't have an income, so for me at 38, this is go time for earnings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

My kids are only 5 and 7. However, I have heard from multiple older parents who say the most important time to be home is the middle and high school years. Not every kid does sports everyday after school.

I have older kids, and am a former SAH and respectfully disagree. I will say with college admissions the way they are now, most kids need to pick some extracurriculars for college admission and they easiest way to do that is at school. My kids are at private schools and are required to have after school activities.

Agree. If your kids are college bound, going home after school and sitting on your rump isn't going to cut it.

Your can argue contrary 3 ways till Sunday. But this is a damn fact.

OF COURSE not all kids can or do do sports, but they better be doing something if they want to go to a 4yr college (though there is no shame in community college).

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if a lot of people make this decision because they are a bit more settled financially when they have ES kids than when the kids are babies and they are saving for a down payment on a house, paying off student loan debt, establishing a home (buying furniture and all), saving for retirement (you need to do it early!), etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WAH. I often have to get them to activities by 4:45 or 5pm. They get home from school at 3.50pm.

They need to eat prior too. 90 min of sports.

Many early release days, school events, etc. it would be hard as hell if I WOH--not to mention weather closures.

If you can WAH, it's feasible. If not--Id need to drop part-time at a minimum.

It doesn't have to mean going straight to the bench!

Explore WAH or part-time options.

WAH has been a savior for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't outsource my job as a parent. I was a SAHP until youngest entered K. I've worked part time since.

I'm glad a random person didn't raise them for 8-10 hours a day during their formative years.

You make SAHPs look awful.

Why? She's just stating her perspective!

I'm a SAHM and I'm not so stupid as to thing some "random" person is "raising" working parents children.

I actually have a MS in psychology and a child's chief influencer is his parents. Period. The end. Working parents are raising their children and they put a lot of thought into quality childcare. They don't pick up day laborers from the street.

The poster is idiotic and a sad miserable person. It is her children I feel sorry for. Not the working parents. And yes said poster is a woman and an embarrassment to women as well.

I have a lot of friends who work and they are great mothers and fathers and care deeply for their children and are doing what works well for their families and I will bet the farm that their children will have just as much of a chance to grow up healthy and happly as mine do.

Frankly, I shouldn't have even responded and given any merit to such a fuck tard troll.
That poster is sickening and an embarrassment to SAHPs.

But do you know the difference between thing and think?

Anonymous wrote:I WAH. I often have to get them to activities by 4:45 or 5pm. They get home from school at 3.50pm.

They need to eat prior too. 90 min of sports.

Many early release days, school events, etc. it would be hard as hell if I WOH--not to mention weather closures.

If you can WAH, it's feasible. If not--Id need to drop part-time at a minimum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

My kids are only 5 and 7. However, I have heard from multiple older parents who say the most important time to be home is the middle and high school years. Not every kid does sports everyday after school.

I have older kids, and am a former SAH and respectfully disagree. I will say with college admissions the way they are now, most kids need to pick some extracurriculars for college admission and they easiest way to do that is at school. My kids are at private schools and are required to have after school activities.

Agree. If your kids are college bound, going home after school and sitting on your rump isn't going to cut it.

Your can argue contrary 3 ways till Sunday. But this is a damn fact.

OF COURSE not all kids can or do do sports, but they better be doing something if they want to go to a 4yr college (though there is no shame in community college).

This is incorrect. A child does not have to do after school activities every day to get into a 4 year college. Both my children come/came home when school is/was out, except on rare occasions. One currently just finished his first year at a top ten engineering college. No sports, was in a musical group, did scouts and was active in our denomination's youth organization. The second one is currently a junior in HS and has his choice of almost any college he wants. He is home everyday and 95% of the time has his homework done before dinner. Grades and rigor of classes are the number ONE thing. ECs do not have to be time hogs and do not have to be immediately after school. They can happen in the evening after homework is done and on the weekends.

Not according to college admission offices. Sorry, anyone who says their kid can get in any college they want has zero credibility. Plenty of kids with perfect scores and grades get turned away from the top schools every years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do this in a heartbeat if I could. You get a nice long break while they are at school to clean and grocery shop and do you own thing, then you get to spend a bunch of quality time with your kids at THE best ages 5-12. Then I'd go back when they were in middle school or high school. Alas, we can't afford it.

Problem is -- the work world doesn't want you after you've taken off for those years. I know.... I live the life you describe and can't just "go back."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

My kids are only 5 and 7. However, I have heard from multiple older parents who say the most important time to be home is the middle and high school years. Not every kid does sports everyday after school.

I have older kids, and am a former SAH and respectfully disagree. I will say with college admissions the way they are now, most kids need to pick some extracurriculars for college admission and they easiest way to do that is at school. My kids are at private schools and are required to have after school activities.

Agree. If your kids are college bound, going home after school and sitting on your rump isn't going to cut it.

Your can argue contrary 3 ways till Sunday. But this is a damn fact.

OF COURSE not all kids can or do do sports, but they better be doing something if they want to go to a 4yr college (though there is no shame in community college).

This is incorrect. A child does not have to do after school activities every day to get into a 4 year college. Both my children come/came home when school is/was out, except on rare occasions. One currently just finished his first year at a top ten engineering college. No sports, was in a musical group, did scouts and was active in our denomination's youth organization. The second one is currently a junior in HS and has his choice of almost any college he wants. He is home everyday and 95% of the time has his homework done before dinner. Grades and rigor of classes are the number ONE thing. ECs do not have to be time hogs and do not have to be immediately after school. They can happen in the evening after homework is done and on the weekends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

My kids are only 5 and 7. However, I have heard from multiple older parents who say the most important time to be home is the middle and high school years. Not every kid does sports everyday after school.

I have older kids, and am a former SAH and respectfully disagree. I will say with college admissions the way they are now, most kids need to pick some extracurriculars for college admission and they easiest way to do that is at school. My kids are at private schools and are required to have after school activities.

Agree. If your kids are college bound, going home after school and sitting on your rump isn't going to cut it.

Your can argue contrary 3 ways till Sunday. But this is a damn fact.

OF COURSE not all kids can or do do sports, but they better be doing something if they want to go to a 4yr college (though there is no shame in community college).

This is incorrect. A child does not have to do after school activities every day to get into a 4 year college. Both my children come/came home when school is/was out, except on rare occasions. One currently just finished his first year at a top ten engineering college. No sports, was in a musical group, did scouts and was active in our denomination's youth organization. The second one is currently a junior in HS and has his choice of almost any college he wants. He is home everyday and 95% of the time has his homework done before dinner. Grades and rigor of classes are the number ONE thing. ECs do not have to be time hogs and do not have to be immediately after school. They can happen in the evening after homework is done and on the weekends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

You're missing the whole point. It may be easier on you now, but it's more important for kids in elementary school, middle school and high school to have their parents present than babies and toddlers. Your role as a parent becomes much more complex and important the older they get. I'm okay having a daycare teacher help potty train, not so okay having an au pair help navigate middle school homework and social problems. In addition, you can drop kids off at daycare and pick them up at the same place after 10 hours when they're babies and toddlers. Not so much when they're elementary, middle and high schoolers. That's when their schedule dictates yours.

this is so well said.

News flash -- homework help and helping with social problems need not happen before 5 p.m., most high schoolers aren't even home from school by then.

I know, right? I'm in Loudoun County and our middle school dismissal is at 330 and high school at 4pm. My kids for one are often staying late for clubs and sports. It's not like they are running home to hang on mommy's apron strings and eat their graham crackers and milk while asking my assistance to navigate their social lives.

My kids are only 5 and 7. However, I have heard from multiple older parents who say the most important time to be home is the middle and high school years. Not every kid does sports everyday after school.

I have older kids, and am a former SAH and respectfully disagree. I will say with college admissions the way they are now, most kids need to pick some extracurriculars for college admission and they easiest way to do that is at school. My kids are at private schools and are required to have after school activities.

Agree. If your kids are college bound, going home after school and sitting on your rump isn't going to cut it.

Your can argue contrary 3 ways till Sunday. But this is a damn fact.

OF COURSE not all kids can or do do sports, but they better be doing something if they want to go to a 4yr college (though there is no shame in community college).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sorry, but sah with babies and toddlers is absolutely harder than sah with ES and older kids. Are you kidding? Sah with babies and toddlers are constant feeding/diaper changing/potty training/educating/dealing with tantrums/dealing with mess and spit up plus the groceries/laundry/cooking/errands with kids in tow! As a sah parent of an older kid you get the kids it the door (but they can dress themselves and brush their teeth and find their library book and maybe even make their lunch) and then you have hours of freedom! Then you pick them up and drive them to a class or sport where another teacher or coach is in charge of them.

I was a sah and now that my kids are in school I work and it is SO much easier now than it was when I was home with them as babies. Hands down.

I don't think anyone would debate that the physical part of caring for babies is harder.

What we are saying is now that our kids are older, in late ES/MS/HS -- the kind of attention/caretaking they need is more involved.

Anyone can change a diaper, or two or four, but reading over your kid's paper and seeing that she has problems with sentence structure, or algebra, or picking up on moods that could signal serious distress -- these are the things we want to be there for and not farm out to someone else.

I agree. So many working parents are checked out of reality. I was. So tired coming home and only having 2 hours with all 3 kids wanting attention. And all I wanted was dinner because I barely ate all day and spent an hour in traffic and was late for soccer pick up. There wasn't enough time in the day to get a handle on who was doing what, who is struggling, truly investing time to each. Now we have family dinners, I am more relaxed and listen to them. Bedtime is much nicer too. It isn't for everyone. Some people think raising your kids is lame and gladly outsource it. But they wouldn't be happy at home anyway.

Beautifully stated. God, I'm so glad I have time for my kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't outsource my job as a parent. I was a SAHP until youngest entered K. I've worked part time since.

I'm glad a random person didn't raise them for 8-10 hours a day during their formative years.

You make SAHPs look awful.

Why? She's just stating her perspective!

I'm a SAHM and I'm not so stupid as to thing some "random" person is "raising" working parents children.

I actually have a MS in psychology and a child's chief influencer is his parents. Period. The end. Working parents are raising their children and they put a lot of thought into quality childcare. They don't pick up day laborers from the street.

The poster is idiotic and a sad miserable person. It is her children I feel sorry for. Not the working parents. And yes said poster is a woman and an embarrassment to women as well.

I have a lot of friends who work and they are great mothers and fathers and care deeply for their children and are doing what works well for their families and I will bet the farm that their children will have just as much of a chance to grow up healthy and happly as mine do.

Frankly, I shouldn't have even responded and given any merit to such a fuck tard troll.
That poster is sickening and an embarrassment to SAHPs.

But do you know the difference between thing and think?