Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I wouldn't be able to go and pretend to be nice. My face would betray my disgust at those two. I wouldn't give them more ammunition to talk about you after you leave. This is a bad idea.

Why do you think they would talk about OP? My husband and I never talk about his ex-wife. She's not a factor at all in our conversation, relationship, life. When we are at events where she is as well, we all just get through the event and then go our separate ways. Would never, ever occur to us to get in the car and start shit talking (or talking at all) about the ex-wife.

If they invited OP, it doesn't sound like they wish her any ill and just want to do what's best for the daughter.

And I'm sure they never talked about OP when they were cheating on her either.

Anonymous wrote:OP I wouldn't be able to go and pretend to be nice. My face would betray my disgust at those two. I wouldn't give them more ammunition to talk about you after you leave. This is a bad idea.

Why do you think they would talk about OP? My husband and I never talk about his ex-wife. She's not a factor at all in our conversation, relationship, life. When we are at events where she is as well, we all just get through the event and then go our separate ways. Would never, ever occur to us to get in the car and start shit talking (or talking at all) about the ex-wife.

If they invited OP, it doesn't sound like they wish her any ill and just want to do what's best for the daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sucks OP. I think it must be very hard. But I would go. You are going to be dealing with him and the new wife for the rest of your life at every major life event for your daughter. So get started now.

Agree. Suck it up. They're both (probably) going to be at her wedding. Are you going to skip that? If you start making your daughter feel as though she has to choose, she's just going to resent you. You can take being nice for a couple of hours for your kid.

The wedding won't be at their house, big difference!!! OP said she's going, I hope she does let us know how it all went.

It's a individual thing, neither is right or wrong but most of our friends and acquaintances do have their own functions. We celebrated birthdays with our own family, the ex with hers and it was never a problem. At the graduation we didn't even see the ex because it was in a huge stadium.

Kids do understand, even if they want mom and dad back together it's not going to happen. Children know they won't always get their way and OP better set the boundaries now. What if OP finds a great man down the road and daughter can't stand him because of jealousy or loyalty to her dad. I've seen that quite a bit, BUT that's when the parent explains they don't get a choice in the matter. And as a parent you will not be picking their next spouse either or have a say.

Anonymous wrote:That sucks OP. I think it must be very hard. But I would go. You are going to be dealing with him and the new wife for the rest of your life at every major life event for your daughter. So get started now.

Agree. Suck it up. They're both (probably) going to be at her wedding. Are you going to skip that? If you start making your daughter feel as though she has to choose, she's just going to resent you. You can take being nice for a couple of hours for your kid.

OP, I would love to know how many of the folks posting here are in your shoes. So easy to say go. As for graduations, etc., they're down the road

OP, could you do it and not look upset? That is my concern. Have you done anything with them before?

Going is best for your daughter if you can look like you are having fun. Honestly, I think it's nuts that shared custody puts us in these situations. People who have not lived it do not get it.

You should absolutely Go (take a girlfriend for support)!

What's with all the posters who can't read? OP said like three pages ago that she's going, with her friend, not an escort.

Anonymous wrote:Girl listen here.... I have bundles and bundles of compassion and empathy for you. My ex had a long standing affair that resulted in our divorce and his second marriage. She is a terrible person but a good stepmom so I really try during these events. I just went to a similar situation at a bounce house. I always ask to bring something (giving me cupcakes to stack in a tower makes me look busy but also like I am a happy participant) and I come right at the beginning and leave about 1.5 hours in. It burns. God does it suck. One time I sprinted to my car and as soon as I shut the door I burst into tears. But you have to do it. You want your kids to know that its ok to love her, its ok to have fun with dad and her, and its even ok to all do stuff together. Just plan to get drunk immediately after.

Kids "get it" once they're older. You're definitely doing the right thing here. Beyonce wrote a song about this to her mother, "Ring Off". Meanwhile, her first album had a song years ago dedicated to her dad. I wonder if it stung her mom back then.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr5teAW3pC0

Anonymous wrote:I think this is pretty nice of your ex and his wife to offer OP. My DH and his ex make their poor kid have 2 seperate birthday celebrations so they don't have to be in the same room together.

When has having 2 parties been a,terrible thing for a kid? Did your DH,cheat on his ex? If that's the case, maybe having two fun parties is the right choice.

You should go. It will look like you've moved on and it will help you to move on. Bring a friend, be polite and kind. You'll only see them once in a while.

And your dd will be happy.

Anonymous wrote:OP I wouldn't be able to go and pretend to be nice. My face would betray my disgust at those two. I wouldn't give them more ammunition to talk about you after you leave. This is a bad idea.

No, she should go and be mature about it. No bringing a hot date with her, either. If she went and was cheerful and pleasant to both of them, that would actually sting them pretty good.

Regardless of the circumstances of the breakup, the OP will unavoidably have to deal with her Ex and his new wife in various offspring-related events. Might as well steel herself to deal with it now.

Thank you PP, someone who gets it!

Anonymous wrote:^^^I've been trying to do that. It's not as easy as people think.

Agree People think that you can magically wave a wand and everything will be alright. It's hard to move on after being cheated on. It's not the wanting them back, it's rethinking your whole life and relationship, how to fix yourself, how to make sure your kid is still okay after all of this, a lot of self-restrain to not trash the other parent, when all you want to do is tell them the truth, but you know better.

Let this poor woman heal on her own time. If you haven't been through it, you have no business telling her how to deal with it. Not only that, everyone is different and deals differently. And yes, we can't live in the past, but just because you wish to get over it, doesn't mean that it magically happens.

OP - go if you really think it will not affect you. Talk to your therapist about it. If you don't have one, get one. It will help your overall health also.

^^^I've been trying to do that. It's not as easy as people think.

Anonymous wrote:Hire a hot and handsome man to go as your date.

That would be so obvious, they'd really have a laugh. I suggest move on and put them in the past, it's holding poor OP hostage.