Has your son ever needed a nurse? Does he know what the world would be without nurses? It is a very honorable profession, and one that requires a lot of empathy and caring about others. Intelligence and private schools do not convey those qualities automatically. He should need to do some volunteer work or shadow a healthcare professional in the work place.

It also reminds me of when I was teaching computers to GED teenagers and one boy started going off about what a waste of time school was and how he made more money than me - selling drugs, of course - he was unemployed in legitimate work and without a HS diploma. He was obviously feeling bad about himself and trying, somewhat successfully, to make me feel bad about my choices, after all, he was really making more money than me. But looking back, he was not happy and was just lashing out - he was a teenager after all - but, unfortunately did not have a supportive family who cared about him - I am not sure how his life turned out.

Your son does not sound happy and may be insecure. Letting him know that you are comfortable and secure with your choices - reaching the potential you wanted for yourself may go along way at making him feel OK about himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to put him in his place. Being in gifted classes means nothing, having high IQ means nothing, till you put in some hard work to make something out of yourself. You are not teaching him what really matters in life , which is hard work and respect. When I read posts like this it makes my blood boil.

Why would it make your blood boil?

Because It is unacceptable for a child to be so disrespectful towards a parent, teenager or not.

Study a bit more about child development.
It's true they should have limits and consequences for the nasty remarks but the snark is part of growing up.

Snark may be a part of growing up but the limits of what is acceptable in the snark department are set by society.

I was as rebellious and as angsty at my parents as any other teenager. However, the upper limit of what I could say to my parents would be something along the lines of "you don't understand me" or "you only like me if I'm XXXX". I cannot in the wildest dream imagine me ever talking to my parents like OP's son. I mean, it's just something alien, like a Martian. I would be dumbfounded to learn that there are children in the world that speak to their parents like this. In the completely unfathomable case I WOULD utter something like this, I would not have been able to sit, or quite possibly, stand for two weeks. Parents are worshipped where I grew up; not always liked or obeyed but never outwardly disrespected.

Studies show that people treated like this as children have much higher rates of mental health problems as adults. I wouldn't recommend it.
It's a good short term solution for you but not a good long term solution for your child's life and health.

http://wnep.com/2016/04/27/spanking-can-cause-mental-health-problems-in-children-study-suggests/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of cajoling him to get better grades - how about you say, "Larlo, you need to achieve a GPA of 3.5 (or whatever is attainable at this point) to remain at your school. If you do not, you will be going to the local public in the fall" Then leave it alone unless he asks you for help. Do not budge. Do not change your mind.

And when he baits you with his bullshit comments -- just ignore him and leave the room. There is no reason to give anything he says (in that vein) one iota of attention.

Discussing grades or dictating a certain gpa is a sure way to make the kid fail out.
They're growing up - they have to have the idea that what they are achieving is because of their efforts, not mommy and daddy's.
Leave the kid be to figure it out.
Your job is to set limits with his behavior but not his grades and what he studies - stay out of that or you are going to cripple the kid.

You cannot be serious. Unless the kid is going to private school for a special need, that is a privilege that you earn. The idea that a child is expected to perform to the best of their ability will make them fail out is ludicrous.

So he's got a high IQ? Good for him. What does that have to do with this?

I agree with taking stuff away. He can earn it back if he wants it badly enough. If he wants/needs a ride somewhere, he'll have to do the dishes the night before or something.

I have one who was/is a self entitled jerk. I wish I had been far harder on him a few years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

I was as rebellious and as angsty at my parents as any other teenager. However, the upper limit of what I could say to my parents would be something along the lines of "you don't understand me" or "you only like me if I'm XXXX". I cannot in the wildest dream imagine me ever talking to my parents like OP's son. I mean, it's just something alien, like a Martian. I would be dumbfounded to learn that there are children in the world that speak to their parents like this. In the completely unfathomable case I WOULD utter something like this, I would not have been able to sit, or quite possibly, stand for two weeks. Parents are worshipped where I grew up; not always liked or obeyed but never outwardly disrespected.

If your upper limit was 'you don't understand me' or 'you only like me if I'm XXXX', I cannot, in my wildest dreams, imagine you as rebellious and as angsty as any other teen.

It was an upper limit of what I would be able to say. There is no upper limit to the feeling of rebelliousness and angst, but the point is that there was a socially installed, hard-anchored filter - even in my teenage brain - between what I felt and what was allowed to come out of my mouth.

I have to be honest. I think if my son said this to me I would cry. And then I would yell. And then my son would cry and say he was sorry and it would all be over. But then again I have never and would never tell my kids they are "gifted." You say it like it's his blood type or his eye color. It's some damn IQ test he took one day in his life that you have allowed him to think makes him a superior human. God I wish that stupid g-word would go away. As if it's more important to solve little mental puzzles than to be a decent human.

+1. I would cry upon the realization that I had raised an entitled douche. Is your DH also kind of a douche, or just DS's private school friend group? Obviously, it's unacceptable to say this to a parent, but something clearly went wrong for him to even think like this. At 14, it might be possible to turn him around. Being gifted has nothing to do with anything.

I would be perfectly happy if either of my kids (son or daughter) wanted to be a nurse, btw. I would leave him alone about his schoolwork and let him see how his laziness works out for him. Maybe if he has to go to a school with the word "State" in it, it will not him down a few pegs.

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you don't discipline your child enough. It's a partially cultural issue for certain ethnic groups. They grow up to be disrespectful. I would never speak to my mom that way. Never! not even if she worked as a cashier.

I agree. I would be on the news or my child would have to find another place to live if they ever said those things to me. Show some respect. Even if you think it you better keep it to yourself. Not acceptable and not normal on my circle.

I was as rebellious and as angsty at my parents as any other teenager. However, the upper limit of what I could say to my parents would be something along the lines of "you don't understand me" or "you only like me if I'm XXXX". I cannot in the wildest dream imagine me ever talking to my parents like OP's son. I mean, it's just something alien, like a Martian. I would be dumbfounded to learn that there are children in the world that speak to their parents like this. In the completely unfathomable case I WOULD utter something like this, I would not have been able to sit, or quite possibly, stand for two weeks. Parents are worshipped where I grew up; not always liked or obeyed but never outwardly disrespected.

If your upper limit was 'you don't understand me' or 'you only like me if I'm XXXX', I cannot, in my wildest dreams, imagine you as rebellious and as angsty as any other teen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to put him in his place. Being in gifted classes means nothing, having high IQ means nothing, till you put in some hard work to make something out of yourself. You are not teaching him what really matters in life , which is hard work and respect. When I read posts like this it makes my blood boil.

Why would it make your blood boil?

Because It is unacceptable for a child to be so disrespectful towards a parent, teenager or not.

Study a bit more about child development.
It's true they should have limits and consequences for the nasty remarks but the snark is part of growing up.

Snark may be a part of growing up but the limits of what is acceptable in the snark department are set by society.

I was as rebellious and as angsty at my parents as any other teenager. However, the upper limit of what I could say to my parents would be something along the lines of "you don't understand me" or "you only like me if I'm XXXX". I cannot in the wildest dream imagine me ever talking to my parents like OP's son. I mean, it's just something alien, like a Martian. I would be dumbfounded to learn that there are children in the world that speak to their parents like this. In the completely unfathomable case I WOULD utter something like this, I would not have been able to sit, or quite possibly, stand for two weeks. Parents are worshipped where I grew up; not always liked or obeyed but never outwardly disrespected.

Welcome to America. I'm so very glad my kids and I are born and raised in the USA where we have different - healthier- expectations.

No society has perfect parenting models. If you think showing disrespect to your parents is a healthy expectation, then have your onions and I'll have mine. We'll take what we wish from the American parenting model, but not the tolerance for disrespect to your parents. That is unacceptable to us, and that is the expectation we are happy to keep, and make our children embrace.

I have to be honest. I think if my son said this to me I would cry. And then I would yell. And then my son would cry and say he was sorry and it would all be over. But then again I have never and would never tell my kids they are "gifted." You say it like it's his blood type or his eye color. It's some damn IQ test he took one day in his life that you have allowed him to think makes him a superior human. God I wish that stupid g-word would go away. As if it's more important to solve little mental puzzles than to be a decent human.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to put him in his place. Being in gifted classes means nothing, having high IQ means nothing, till you put in some hard work to make something out of yourself. You are not teaching him what really matters in life , which is hard work and respect. When I read posts like this it makes my blood boil.

Why would it make your blood boil?

Because It is unacceptable for a child to be so disrespectful towards a parent, teenager or not.

Study a bit more about child development.
It's true they should have limits and consequences for the nasty remarks but the snark is part of growing up.

Snark may be a part of growing up but the limits of what is acceptable in the snark department are set by society.

I was as rebellious and as angsty at my parents as any other teenager. However, the upper limit of what I could say to my parents would be something along the lines of "you don't understand me" or "you only like me if I'm XXXX". I cannot in the wildest dream imagine me ever talking to my parents like OP's son. I mean, it's just something alien, like a Martian. I would be dumbfounded to learn that there are children in the world that speak to their parents like this. In the completely unfathomable case I WOULD utter something like this, I would not have been able to sit, or quite possibly, stand for two weeks. Parents are worshipped where I grew up; not always liked or obeyed but never outwardly disrespected.

Welcome to America. I'm so very glad my kids and I are born and raised in the USA where we have different - healthier- expectations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to put him in his place. Being in gifted classes means nothing, having high IQ means nothing, till you put in some hard work to make something out of yourself. You are not teaching him what really matters in life , which is hard work and respect. When I read posts like this it makes my blood boil.

Why would it make your blood boil?

Because It is unacceptable for a child to be so disrespectful towards a parent, teenager or not.

Study a bit more about child development.
It's true they should have limits and consequences for the nasty remarks but the snark is part of growing up.

Snark may be a part of growing up but the limits of what is acceptable in the snark department are set by society.

I was as rebellious and as angsty at my parents as any other teenager. However, the upper limit of what I could say to my parents would be something along the lines of "you don't understand me" or "you only like me if I'm XXXX". I cannot in the wildest dream imagine me ever talking to my parents like OP's son. I mean, it's just something alien, like a Martian. I would be dumbfounded to learn that there are children in the world that speak to their parents like this. In the completely unfathomable case I WOULD utter something like this, I would not have been able to sit, or quite possibly, stand for two weeks. Parents are worshipped where I grew up; not always liked or obeyed but never outwardly disrespected.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, it's my my lowly profession that pays for his private school BTW.

Maybe he doesn't respect you because you often say senseless things like this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to put him in his place. Being in gifted classes means nothing, having high IQ means nothing, till you put in some hard work to make something out of yourself. You are not teaching him what really matters in life , which is hard work and respect. When I read posts like this it makes my blood boil.

Why would it make your blood boil?

Because It is unacceptable for a child to be so disrespectful towards a parent, teenager or not.

Study a bit more about child development.
It's true they should have limits and consequences for the nasty remarks but the snark is part of growing up.

He may be gifted but obviously lacks class, to berate your profession? He'll outgrow it but needs to acknowledge his disrespect.